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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I met this guy online months ago, we met for our first date at a movie theatre and the first thing I blurted out to him was "I dont think Im your type" and we hit it off because he thought it was so cute. I was the shy, socially retarded, introverted, frumpily dressed guy and he was the handsome, outgoing, club multiple times weekly, with a ga-chillion friends type of guy. We had our differences, as well as our similarities as well. Dating him really brought out confidence in myself and helped my SA.

He was my first real boyfriend. I loved him so much. We did lots of things together and the relationship went well until I introduced my "friend" to him and then they started talking to eachother more than we did. When my "friend" mentioned that he liked someone who was dating a good "friend" and whether he should make a move or not, I forbidded my boyfriend from talking to this guy. I also cut my friendship with that guy. My bf maintained that they were nothing more than friends and the "friend" told me we were a good couple and he wasn't coming between us, but my hunch was telling me this guy was macking on my boyfriend. My bf agreed not to talk to him, but he went behind my back and went drinking with this guy and texting him behind my back secretively. He did it, forgave him, said it wouldn't happen again. It did happen again. I broke up with him.

A week later, they're "in a relationship".

**Should I have even dumped him in the first place?
**How can you just forget someone you dated for almost a year in a matter of less than a week and move on with another person?
**Was I the bad guy in forbidding him from talking to the "friend"? I can't help but blame myself for this relationship going the way it did. In the end, my suspicions were right though, there was something going on.
**I can't help lusting and wanting to be with him, should I just move on or continue to obsess over us? I can't help but think about the good times we had. It's this feeling that I'll never meet anyone as unique as him ever again. I've met a lot of gay guys online and there's this awkward egocentricness I sense from almost all of them except him. :(
**How do you move on from a break up? I've never had a relationship before. When we broke up, all these raw emotions just hit me and I never expected it.

I feel like a desperate teenager. Well I sorta am ;) (19 and its my first relationship)
 

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Teehee,

Your boyfriend was going to do what he was going to do - trying to "complete himself". You shouldn't put yourself through any turmoil over him. He fled toward the first thing that caught his attention. While it might have been harsh that you forbade him from seeing this guy, he may have seen it as a forbidden opportunity and went at it. What a parasite!

You, dude, are better than that. Let him go; he's not worth it.
 

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Sounds like you did the right thing. As you suspected, the writing was on the wall and any effort to forgive again would just be like delaying the inevitable.
 

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Damn, I'm sorry =[. He sounds like a total rat. Someone not even worth bothering with. I bet that he will end up leaving the friend once he finds someone else...he'll never settle. You do deserve better and shouldn't have to put up with any lying and crap like that.
 

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Unfortunately a lot of young gay guys jump from relationship to relationship. Each one is "the one". Don't forget the year you had together. Remember the good parts of it but move past the bad parts. It's not easy but the pain does go away or at least lessen with time. :hug
 

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**Should I have even dumped him in the first place?
- Absolutely! You would have been even more hurt in the end if you didn't!

**How can you just forget someone you dated for almost a year in a matter of less than a week and move on with another person?
- This person was already over you a long while ago. He was just not into you. Ther's no real way to explain it.. there's no closure.. I know.. and it's hard to deal wih..

**Was I the bad guy in forbidding him from talking to the "friend"? I can't help but blame myself for this relationship going the way it did. In the end, my suspicions were right though, there was something going on.
- Well no, you should have just expressed your views.. However, you knew something was up. Been there too.. the guy actually dumped me for her though..

**I can't help lusting and wanting to be with him, should I just move on or continue to obsess over us? I can't help but think about the good times we had. It's this feeling that I'll never meet anyone as unique as him ever again. I've met a lot of gay guys online and there's this awkward egocentricness I sense from almost all of them except him.
-You're just feeling the typical emotions of the breakup rollercoaster. Please, do me a favor and read a certain book that helped me so much. "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken." http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/itscalledabreakup.htm

**How do you move on from a break up? I've never had a relationship before. When we broke up, all these raw emotions just hit me and I never expected it.
- It takes time.. the best thing you can do is find a hobby.. it can even be a simple hobby like watching more movies. Take care of yourself, and do the things that make you happy. Pamper yourself.
 

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Yes, you were right to break up with him. Good job on that! This happened to me with my ex. I *knew* he had some renewed crush on this girl that he'd liked before me, and kind of admitted to having "thing" with when we first started dating (they went to Europe on a trip with school and he ended up having to tell her that "he had a girlfriend"... he just randomly told me this like over a year into the relationship... seemed really guilty). OK WHATEVER. I'm still really angry just thinking about it all. Right after we finally broke up for good, he IMMEDIATELY emailed her tickets to fly over and "watch a show" thing that he was performing that I was supposed to attend. The show was like a day later. God it was sickening, just the fact that I knew he was lying about anything going on, yet he so dramatically denied it, then he IMMEDIATELY bought her tickets to come see him?! (this was LITERALLY <30 minutes after the breakup).

I'm over HIM now. However, I'm still angry randomly. It's almost been a year.

How I moved on? This is really lame, but I started "liking" this guy from my past again (he lives in a different state). This hurt too, but it at least got my feelings away from THAT relationship, and helped me realize that I CAN like other people. Though I'd never throw myself into another relationship to get over someone. Other than that, idk. I just lived life. (nothing happened with that btw, other than realizing that I'm over him too)

Don't go to his facebook or anything. Avoid seeing him in real life. Don't email him. Don't call him. Don't contact him in any way. THAT is my best advice!

Also, I find these low points a good time to make life changes. Update your wardrobe, get a nice haircut, talk to new people, do some major cleaning, think of yourself as one person, and figure out what your goals are for yourself, excluding a boyfriend.

Oh, and change any passwords if he knows them, ASAP.

<3
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
-You're just feeling the typical emotions of the breakup rollercoaster. Please, do me a favor and read a certain book that helped me so much. "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken." http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/itscalledabreakup.htm
Thank you so much for recommending this book. It's made me laugh for the first time in 2 weeks. :D

"Please save yourself from the indignity of being the kind of person who breaks into his voice mail, e-mail, snail mail, whatever, and just assume the worst: He's dating someone else and it's Heidi Klum." LOL
 

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Breakups are tough, but if he can give up a one year relaionship and start dating that guy one week after the two of you break up then he's not worth it. Not all gay guys have a huge ego, I'm sure. You may think that you may never meet anyone like him again, but he's only been your first boyfriend. You will certainly have other boyfriends.

Not egocentic: TR Knight, Luke MacFarlane, John Barrowman and Nate Berkus

If I can name four stars like this than there certainly must be four guys like this in the World. Good Luck!
 

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What a beautiful scene you two had going. Here's the truth, you're 19, you're young, you've got a big pearl inside of you awaiting for the right guy.

Honestly, the dating life is a roller-coaster it gets good at certain spots and it gets rough at certain spots. But at the end of this roller coaster you'll eventually find that one true love, the one who'll love, care, and think of your unconditionally. Be proud of yourself, be happy with who you are, and when you look back at your decisions don't judge yourself for the mistakes or bad choices you think you made. Evaluate your judgments, think of how you could have done it better, and how you'll do it better next time! :D

**Should I have even dumped him in the first place?**

This guy did what most young gay men do, they see another interest and they move on. Not a lot of gay guys are committed in their relationships, we're all in this to find that one guy we can commit ourselves to. This probably never would have worked out with you two in the first place, faith has another adventure for you and him. : )

You did great, I probably would have broken up with him as well. Although I would have expressed my feelings, and thoughts with him. I would have listen to his feelings and thoughts as well. Then I would have said, " You know what, we are not meant to be " and leave the relationship with a good understanding of each other.

**How can you just forget someone you dated for almost a year in a matter of less than a week and move on with another person?**

You don't move on with another person, you don't over think of what you did wrong, you cherish the memories you've created together good and bad ones. You learn from it, then you physically and mentally pick yourself up and get out there!!

I go to the gym a lot, 4-5 times a week. I'm not in a relationship, have really never been in a physical relationship with a guy. When I'm stressed, lonely, I go to the gym, work out, and build self up both physically and mentally!

Get a hobby, get out there, put yourself out in the world we live in. Don't dwell too much on your break up, yes it takes time, but just realize that it wasn't you, it wasn't him, it wasn't either of you in the first place. : ) Your partner is out there waiting for you, searching for you. So help him with the search, and continue : )

**Was I the bad guy in forbidding him from talking to the "friend"? I can't help but blame myself for this relationship going the way it did. In the end, my suspicions were right though, there was something going on.**

There was something going on, something that is not tolerated in my book. I'm sorry but if you cannot tell me the truth, your feelings and thoughts about me and my friends, or your potential new boyfriend then really why are we working so hard to be in this relationship?

Perhaps forbidding him right off the back wasn't a good idea, because then he'll just do it behind your back. Talk, communicate your concerns, and listen.

**I can't help lusting and wanting to be with him, should I just move on or continue to obsess over us? I can't help but think about the good times we had. It's this feeling that I'll never meet anyone as unique as him ever again. I've met a lot of gay guys online and there's this awkward egocentricness I sense from almost all of them except him. :(**

You should never obsess over a break up. Break up happens for a reason, and the reasons varies, you know the reason as to why you broke up. All you can do it learn from the past and move on. Eventually you'll have to keep living. It'll take time for you to stop thinking about him, but think about your new hobby!!

**How do you move on from a break up? I've never had a relationship before. When we broke up, all these raw emotions just hit me and I never expected it.**

I've never been in a physical relationship such as you. But I have been in situations where I felt like crying non stop, obsess over everything. What I do is I pick myself up, go to the beach [Thank you Florida!] go to the gym, and just continue to build myself up physically and mentally for the next event. I learn from the past mistakes/situations and I tackle the next situations mentally and physically prepared!

: )
 

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I HATE guys like that. Ugh, forget him, hes just a worthless horndog. Find a guy that wants YOU and ONLY you!

I'm sure theres a sweet hearted guy out there that wants a real relationship with you. :]
 

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and yet another necrobump.
 
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