[babines]

The other day, I was walking on my way to school and that guy in a car just shouts at me, stops his car in the middle of the street and almost runs towards me with a big smile. He said he saw me before (I always walk to go to school) and that he "really, really likes" me. He starts flirting with me, wants to get my number, wants to take me out somewhere, maybe go drink a coffe together.

I didn't want to give him my number (those guys, I mean, they call all day long until you answer and then they don't leave you alone until they get a date), he gave me his and said he would give me a lift. I hop in his car, we talk a little (I was extremely anxious I tried not to show off anything and act 'normal').

He kept saying how much he liked me and absolutely wanted me to call him to get a date, etc. I said I would call (he actually made me swear I would).

You probably can imagine what happened next: I never called. I really wish I did, though, cause he was so sweet and all. I don't know why I do that. It seems like I can't get myself together and go out there even if I have the opportunity to do so. I should have given him my number; he would have call for sure and I wouldn't be there regretting I, myself, didn't call him.

Lately, my friends invited me to go to the 281 (which is a stripclub in montreal) and I'm scared the same thing would happen again (afraid I would say no when I really wish I would say yes).

Anyone else get opportunities to actually have a social life and turns them down (and later feel sad/stupid about it)? Any advices on how to get the courage to have a social life?

 

[SAgirl]

How long ago was this? I think that you should still call him. That is if you like him. He seemed totally into you. This would be a great exposure experience. It should get easier with each try.

 

[babines]

that was like 2 weeks ago so I sort of given up on calling, finding stupid reasons to justify my behaviour: oh, I don't have a car, maybe it was a mistake, if I call i'm going to embarass myself, even if i go, the first date would be the last cause I would do something stupid that would turn him off, I don't have this, I don't have that... and it goes on and on.

I mean, anxiety isn't the only problem; i have low self-esteem and no experiences (it's like a vicious circle; there is no end to this)

 

[aloss4words]

I think if he really likes you like he says he does, he should be able to understand that you are nervous. I would call him and tell him that I was nervous and that is what took me so long to call back. You might end up only regretting this opportunity if you do nothing. There is a chance that things will go okay if you call but there is no chance they will if you don't call. Do you still have the number?

 

[Just Lurking]

Two weeks, eh. Call him anyway.

If he asks why you waited, you can always say you misplaced the number and didn't find it until recently.

 

[Post_Punk_Proclivity]

I agree that it could be a bit risky hitting something off with a guy you havn't gotten to know first. On the flipside a coffee won't hurt if you can muster yourself to it.

 

[Just Lurking]

I agree that it could be a bit risky hitting something off with a guy you havn't gotten to know first. On the flipside a coffee won't hurt if you can muster yourself to it.

Yeah, make sure you do it in a public place and do not deviate from any plans you make (meaning don't go back to his place or anywhere else where you'd be alone, if he suggests it).

You can also *67 before calling him (or whatever it is to prevent your number from showing up on call display) or call him from a payphone.

 

[tigerlilly]

i do this too. it doesn't happen often, but it does happen. i ditch my two best friends, the only people who ask me to hang out on a regular basis. when the kids in the teen group at my church want to go bowling or have a movie night, i tell them no half the time. i've noticed that if i'm put on the spot and have to tell them right away in person or on the phone, i'll freeze up and say no, and then regret it later.

 

[babines]

sure I have thought about the fact that he might actually do this all the time, that he might be just a womanizer, etc but it's not like I'm in love with the guy or something. I just want to go out, have fun, be spontaneous.
I'm just fed up with staying home alone and always saying no when invited to go out.

 

[fc045]

I don't know about this. A guy yelling out from a car. I live in LA and in the local news there is always something about a car stalker. Guy would drive up to a girl, offer a ride, then drag them away somewhere to do you know what, usually reported as a crime later.

Well I am a guy. Of course I see interesting looking girls as I drive by. Just twice in my life, I would see say, a hot looking woman jogger; she catches me looking and waves and smiles at me. (of course I was too shy to do anything like offer her a ride, I just drove on..15 years later still single, but I digress). But that happened only like once. Most of the time the walking or running women look annoyed or look away.

Maybe this guy sensed you were shy and were not regularly going out and so bozo that he is, feels he can just yell at you from his car because he feels you would be too shy to say no or not react.

Of course, I could be totally wrong about this. Maybe this guy could be the best thing that ever happened to you. But in LA, guy yelling at girl he doesn't know while driving looks suspicious to the cops.

 

[IcedOver]

Why would you get in someone's car whom you do not know? Seriously! Didn't your parents teach you anything about that? I don't want to be mean but that's something you should never, ever do! Women/girls who do that end up on the news and not in a good way. It doesn't matter how nice the guy seemed, you just don't do that. If he had just asked for your number, that might have been fine. But offering you a ride in his car sends up a red flag to me.

You should never call this guy and if he tries to talk to you again, just say that you feel uncomfortable and move on. I'm not saying that he's necessarily a criminal and to be fair I do feel that women react with too much fear and suspicion towards men in general. But in this case, with a guy stopping his car, offering you a ride, saying how much he really likes you when he doesn't know you, I'd be safe.

 

[babines]

You guys.

The point wasn't whether or not I should have go into the guy's car - though I understand that "girls shouldn't do that", it's dangerous, etc. Of course I thought about the fact that he might be a dangerous freak; but back then when I was about to go into the car, I didn't care about what would happend to me if ever he was a freak (yes; that's how deseperate I am:rain). Mixed with me being too nice, naive (I admit it:roll) and hoping that he was a nice guy; I guess that makes me pathetic... (I take the blame for this)

But I just wanted to if I was the only one out there turning invitations to go out down even if I wish I could go and if any one had any suggestions to overcome this.

 

[Brightpaperwarewolf]

You should call him out of the blue, it isn't too late and if he likes you, he'll be happy, plus it's spontaneous. Doesn't hurt to talk to him.

 

[JFmtl]

As previous posters said, be cautious about him, but if you want to call him, it's not too late to call, you can always say that you were busy or tired the last weeks if you don't want to say that you where nervous about calling. At worse, he will say no, but that is not the end of the world, that his lost .

I also in the past declined opportunities to have a social life, sometimes in fear to look like a fool or to be bored or to bore other people. I think in those occasion, even if it's not easy to do, the best thing to do is to accept those opportunities, have fun and to not give a f*** about what other people might think.

As for the 281, i have never been there, but from what i have heard, women over there scream like crazy, so beware for your ears .

 

[LoneLioness]

Well if you're just looking for no strings attached fun call him, but if you have any hope of something serious I'd pass him up as he sounds rather shallow.

 

[IcedOver]

If you're that desperate, why not try going through a normal channel to get a date, like meeting someone at a real club (not a strip club) or setting up a profile on an online dating site, instead of inviting possible danger? How old is this guy anyway?