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My boyfriend of about 9 months broke up with me yesterday.

I know, it's only 9 months, and it doesn't seem logical that i'd get too attached, but I still have really strong feelings for him.

He said that he felt the relationship was stagnant, and wasn't going anywhere. I told him earlier in the relationship that I thought I loved him, and he admitted that he didn't feel the same way. So i respected that, and pretty much remained in the relationship hoping that his feelings would eventually change. He told me yesterday and that not only did he not feel as strongly about him as he did about me, but he felt like his feelings for me weren't growing...they weren't going anywhere. So that was it.

What can i say? I'm still kind of shocked and hurt, because I didn't see it coming AT ALL.

I'm trying to keep my mind occupied, because every time i think about him i tear up. :(

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do after someone broke your heart? What's a good way to move on?
 

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It just takes time, I think, but if your self-confidence is hurt pretty bad, flirting with other people seems like a good way to boost it again. Also, anything that helps depression is probably also going to be helpful for getting over a breakup.
 

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learn from this

Hi Ali,

This guy did you a favor. If he didn't share the same feelings you have it would have only hurt more to prolong the relationship. I have been in a similar situation but we were telling each other we loved eachother. Over time I kept saying it (and meaning it) but I could tell she didn't really mean it and eventually she just stopped. We broke up shortly after this. The point is, if the love isn't reciprocated it isn't going to work or be good for you. I know in my situation I loved her so much but was miserable because I knew she didn't feel the same way. Actually, Being invloved with someone where I was giving everything I had and her not recipricating made me feel terrible about myself. Even though I couldn't see it during the relationship, getting out of that situation was huge for me and I am sure it will be good for you too.

I wish you all the best and want you to know that he didn't deserve your love if he wasn't willing to give it in return.

-Terry
 

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Geese
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i agree it was for the best. Also know how you feel, it sucks and will suck for a couple of weeks but you get over it. best thing to do is kill all contact with him for how ever long it takes to get over it.
 

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I am sorry to hear about this. I've been down this road as well and it was the WORST pain I have ever experienced. Keep around your friends and use them as shoulder. Start to treat YOURSELF well again, Doll up, work out, do things. :) I know your going to have some low points where you just need to call him. PLEASE DON'T. The result will turn out bad for you because that will just re-enforce to him that you miss him and he will take advantage of that weakness to hurt you more. If he calls you, DON'T even answer. I know its VERY tempting but the end is always bad. This guy REALLY needs to FEEL that you don't need him.

You never mentioned how old you are?
 

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I know how you feel ali because I just got out of a 1.5 year relationship. It's tough in the beginning but as time goes on you'll feel better. I've just been trying to keep my mind on other things. Sometimes I get tempted to call her and talk but I realize the more I do that the longer the healing process will be. hang in there it'll get better :)
 

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sp chick
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My boyfriend of about 9 months broke up with me yesterday.

I know, it's only 9 months, and it doesn't seem logical that i'd get too attached, but I still have really strong feelings for him.

He said that he felt the relationship was stagnant, and wasn't going anywhere. I told him earlier in the relationship that I thought I loved him, and he admitted that he didn't feel the same way. So i respected that, and pretty much remained in the relationship hoping that his feelings would eventually change. He told me yesterday and that not only did he not feel as strongly about him as he did about me, but he felt like his feelings for me weren't growing...they weren't going anywhere. So that was it.

What can i say? I'm still kind of shocked and hurt, because I didn't see it coming AT ALL.

I'm trying to keep my mind occupied, because every time i think about him i tear up. :(

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do after someone broke your heart? What's a good way to move on?
omg my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago after 10 months - -we were so in love and inseparable.... so you can imagine how devastating it was when we broke up. . i was losing my mind . .i still love him very strongly and he wants to be friends but i prefer not to have anything to do with him at all.. you absolutely cannot be friends with someone you are in love with no matter how you put it. you will end up hurting yourself even more...i didn't see it coming either - -i felt he was my other half and i would spend the rest of my life with him ...unfortunately he couldn't take the fights ;/ but its really hard to break up especially when you have SA because you dont really have anything or anyone to keep ur mind occupied and not much ppl to tlak to - - i just work out a lotttt!!! run on my treadmill like crazy - - it helps to take the stress away - -im managing to continue with my life, i don't know how im doing it but I am . .. my advice to you is keep in mind that everything happens for a reason - -always remember that . . .focus on your SA and try to make small improvements . .it will make you happy and realize how strong you really are ....good luck ;]
 

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im going through the very same thing right now. i was w/ my ex g/f for 6 years. we lived together for the past two. then my sa prevented me from working. so after we couldnt afford our apt anymore, we agreed to "regroup" and set some financial matters straight. so she moved back w/ her folks, as well as i. unfortunately though im in another state. so after the first couple of weeks away, she started acting different. then she tells me she wants to be single for the time being so i can "get my life in order" which i can respect her pov, but unfortunately, i know her too well and thats not the case. so yes, i definitely know what youre going through. we started looking at engagement rings and even started picking out kid's names for the future. so to go from that, to her telling me she wants to be single is a complete shock to me.initially i was pissed, and wanted payback, and now im just really down in the dumps. its definitely sucks especially when you dont have any friends and your living in another state. but ive had heart break before and as the saying goes, "time heals all wounds." so stay positive. you have to realize that if it wasnt meant to be, it wasnt meant to be. i myself try looking at it as well maybe its good she decided not to want to be with me now, as opposed to down the road if we were married and/or had children. and not to sound sadistic, but i sincerely know for a fact that someday, after shes done with all the partying, shes at the very least going to get a case of the "what ifs" and "did i make a mistake." and even as immature as that may sound, lol, it kinda makes me feel better.
 

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and not to sound sadistic, but i sincerely know for a fact that someday, after shes done with all the partying, shes at the very least going to get a case of the "what ifs" and "did i make a mistake." and even as immature as that may sound, lol, it kinda makes me feel better.
:yes I know the feeling lol. I don't really feel bad about it though because I tried my hardest to become a better person and make her proud to have me again, but that's when I realized that I wasn't the only one who screwed up, but I was the only one who admitted it and tried to fix it instead of giving up so easily. I think that's all it is when somebody breaks up with you after a serious relationship - they just gave up because they couldn't handle the stress. They'll come up with all sorts of excuses to why they are doing it, but the fact remains that those things never used to bother them that much until they gave up on the relationship.

And yes, you will definitely get over it eventually. Faster if you start taking care of yourself and move on though. And I feel for you. One thing you have to remember is that just because they didn't want you, doesn't mean that the rest of the world doesn't. It just feels that way because you made them the center of your world for so long, but that goes away.
 

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Do you

He was honest with you and he showed you respect by telling you and not strining you along or making you believe something that isn't true.
My advice to you is don't have any contact with him, that will only encourage your love for him and it will not allow you to heal. Use this time to do you, focus on what you want to do. Sorry your going through this, time does heal, be strong. if you need to talk you can pm me.

shy
 

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It's for the best. I wish girls who didn't have those feelings for me would have been honest about it from the start. You'll be ok with time. Just talk about it with online friends, see movies, etc. to take your mind off it.
 

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Breaking up hurts so much, but as said above it is better he told you. Let yourself cry but try not to dwell too much as it is a really hard thing to snap out of.
 

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The Phoenix
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Just remember that just by getting as far as you did you are ahead of a LOT of us. If anything take pride in that, nurse your feelings for a couple months and just get out and try to meet someone new!
 
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