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Have you really thought about your Wedding/Reception ceremonies? What about the SA?

I was curious to know if anyone else here, who plans of getting married one day, dreads their actual wedding/reception because of their SA?

I currently don't have a girlfriend. Yet I did have a fairly successful relationship a few years ago, and I have a very strong desire and drive to find my soul mate and get married one day. It's something I want very much in my life.

As petty as it sounds in the grand scheme of things, I actually worry quite a bit about the actual ceremony and reception. The idea of being the center of attention for a long period of time, and then having to go to a reception, be the center of attention again, be expected to dance, to kiss my wife in front of tons of people while they ping their glasses every freakin time we do so, to do all those social wedding traditions and such....................is..well, an SAr's worst nightmare.

I know not everyone has a big wedding, some end up keeping it simple, some just go down to the courthouse and sign a document. But I've been around enough women to know that weddings are a special moment in a woman's life. Most women seem to dream of and want a good sized wedding. I would say they are more important to the woman than the man. So, it's certainly not something I would want to deny my future bride to be.

And it's not just the SA I will experience in the moment that bothers me. Because of a lifelong battle with SA, I'm really not even close to the family members one would typically invite to a wedding (such as Aunts, Uncles, Cousins). I'm aprehensive about having them there, when I feel I hardly know them. Or not having very many even show up.

And then of course there's the Best Man situation. Umm, I don't have any friends. I have a few coleague type friends, but no one close. This gives me HUGE concerns, how do I not have a Best man at a wedding? I just hope I can make some friends before then.

Anyhow, I'm sure some of my fellow SAr's out there have thought about this too, and I'm curious to know if anyone has thought of anyways of dealing with this? What do you tell yourself? Are there ways around the traditions and things that concern us? Are there things you have learned to tell yourself that make it easier to cope with the whole concept of this event?

Please don't respond just to say you don't plan on getting married. I'm looking for positive constructive comments. Thanks.
 

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I want to get married in Vegas. I don't have any good reasons for wanting it that way other than it just seems easier than planning it out any other way. And it seems like a Vegas wedding would be fun. I don't really think of 'normal' weddings as fun.
 

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I don't really dread that day, but I would hate it if it is one of those large weddings. I can't stand those! :no I prefer a much smaller wedding with only a few number of people or just me and my wife. :yes
 

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anhedonic
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In my opinion, weddings can be a waste of money. If I got married, it would either be just the two of us going to the courthouse, or a small, Halloween-themed wedding.
 

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If I'm ever lucky enough to find my soul mate / get married, I'll be so pumped on adrenaline that I won't be worrying about much during the actual ceremony.

When I was nearly engaged before, I did a lot of thinking about marriage. I decided that the only people whose opinions actually matter are the wife's, her parents', and my parents'. I have no siblings, so no issues there. My best man would be one of my socially-awkward friends, and he'd probably deliver an awkward speech, which would be just fine :yes. After that, everyone could just get drunk and be merry.
 

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It's not an issue I think about since I don't expect that I'll ever get married and if I do it would be a generic non-religious courthouse wedding.
 

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Starlight and moonbeams
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If I'm ever lucky enough to find my soul mate / get married, I'll be so pumped on adrenaline that I won't be worrying about much during the actual ceremony.

When I was nearly engaged before, I did a lot of thinking about marriage. I decided that the only people whose opinions actually matter are the wife's, her parents', and my parents'. I have no siblings, so no issues there. My best man would be one of my socially-awkward friends, and he'd probably deliver an awkward speech, which would be just fine :yes. After that, everyone could just get drunk and be merry.
I suppose that's true. I guess, if you're lucky in love and you're excited about spending the rest of your life with someone, you would feel less anxious and just want to get it done with.
 

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If I got married, it would either be just the two of us going to the courthouse, or a small, Halloween-themed wedding.
I had a Halloween wedding! It was great, and it took a lot of the pressure off of me. I'd recommend a non-traditional wedding to anyone!

Our ceremony was short and sweet. Our attendants were our siblings (more on this later) and we didn't have a ring bearer, flower girl, ushers, etc. The ceremony itself was really brief because I don't like that much focus on me, either, and because nobody likes to sit through a wedding ceremony anyway. But the costumes were the best part because everyone was looking at everybody else's attire and talking to other guests and the focus was less on me. Also, so much time was sucked up doing things like pictures and other formalities that there wasn't really a whole lot of time to mingle. When I was free, I was so effing hot in my dress that I spent most of that time outside trying to cool off, and nobody missed me because they were enjoying the party. The more guests you have, the less you'll be noticed if you need to sneak off by yourself. It's wonderful.

The bad thing that happened at my wedding was putting my trust in some people I thought were my friends. I had planned for three attendants: my best friend in the whole world, and two guys (bridesmen?) who I considered very close to me when I was in college. I would have just had the one, but I needed enough to match my husband's side. Anyway, my best friend flew in from NY to OK to be in the wedding, but the other two bailed at the last minute. They had 6 months notice, but at the last minute, they both skipped out and I had to pull my sister, who I do not like at all, from the audience to be one of my bridesmaids. One of the guys called at like 7:28 (the wedding started at 7:30) to tell me he had a seizure and couldn't come because he's been in the hospital. He slipped up in a drunken moment at a party a year later and said that it was not a seizure, but rather "boy troubles". The other didn't show and didn't answer when I called him right before walking down the aisle. He asked for driving directions the night before, but then just didn't show. He e-mailed me the next day saying he couldn't get a ride. He had six months to arrange for a ride and the wedding was only 45 minutes from his house! I would have paid for a taxi! He was supposed to be IN the wedding, for Pete's sake!

Needless to say, that hurt my feelings like you wouldn't believe, cost me two friendships and contributed hugely to my SA. Like, it was in 2005 and I just cried about it again this week. I thought they were my best friends, but apparently we weren't even friends at all. So now I have a hard time trusting any of my relationships.

So, I guess the point of that is that weddings are not as bad as all that, especially if you plan in some diversions for the guests. Just be sure you don't have someone in it that you can't 100% rely on. The only people that have to be involved in the wedding party are you and your wife. Everyone that attends will be happy for you, and nobody will talk about what's wrong, just how happy you will be.

Good for you for continuing to hope. I had condemned myself to a lonely life when I met my husband, and things have never been better for me as far as my SA goes. All the luck to you!
 

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Me and my fiance are planning to get married Summer 2010 - currently I am cannot leave the flat alone but i'm hoping by then i'll be a lot better as I am seeking treatment.

We're having a traditional church wedding, massive aisle, loads of people and with all the vows - love, honour, cherish (and obey for me) - like it should be.

I'm nervous, sure, but it will be my day and i'll look amazing, have everything I want and I will not let SA ruin that.

I can't wait :D
 

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I wouldn't mind doing what a friend of mine did, he and his fiance rented a room in a hotel for about 12 people and had a short ceremony. Then the hotel catered lunch for everyone right after the ceremony.

I dread the thought of having a big church ceremony with lots of extended family and all the chick flick cliches. I'd rather just throw a big reception that lasted all weekend.
 

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I'm hoping to wear a yellow sundress and being on the beach. Probably five people will witness or enough to have two volleyball teams tops. Everyone is going to wear sunglasses and have a puddin pop or icecream cake in their mouth so I don't have to worry about how they look at me or what they are saying while the minister is talking. Yep. Nah, kidding about the last part.
 

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Rolling In the Hay
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Being barely able to handle going to other people's weddings, I'd probably be a no-show at my own. If I do get married, I'd prefer to elope or just go to city hall and not tell anyone until it was all said and done. Most girls love the idea of everyone's eyes being on the bride, but the thought of it just makes me want to run screaming for the hills.
 

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Being barely able to handle going to other people's weddings, I'd probably be a no-show at my own. If I do get married, I'd prefer to elope or just go to city hall and not tell anyone until it was all said and done. Most girls love the idea of everyone's eyes being on the bride, but the thought of it just makes me want to run screaming for the hills.
A lot of girls do think about being the center of attention but many don't as well. Its just that the ones that do, make everyone aware they are like that. And the ones that don't, well you don't hear about them but there are plenty of them around. I will probably elope. I have never thought about the dress. Only recently thought a sundress would be nice. I don't know why people get obsessed about the dress, music, colors, etc. I do care about my personal appearance too, and how I look. I have never got obsessed about the wedding or the people that will come.
 

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"Why So Serious?"
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I will never get married, like I've said before; I have never been so sure of something in my life.
 

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I don't even think about it anymore. It's never going to happen. Wedding. I think that jumped out the door when I decided not to have kids.

If it did perhaps happen it would be super small. I have no friends, no boyfriend, my family never gets along. No point.
 

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ugh...tell me about it. I'm getting married 3 weeks from tomorrow. We're having about 100 people come to the wedding. My stomach goes into knots everytime I think about it. My stomach is in knots as we speak. I don't know why on earth I wanted to do this. If everything wasn't paid for and I could back out without losing any money, I would so drop the big wedding plans and elope. I know my fiance would be up for that (of course, being a guy and not caring about the wedding). I guess I figured I would regret it if I didn't go through with it. It's not like you can redo your wedding (or at least tastefully). I guess us SAers just have to troop through it the best we can.
 

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That's an interesting question because I've been obsessed with weddings since I was a 14 or so. I love watching wedding shows and comparing different themes and designs. I even know what kind of wedding dress I want lol. I really really really hope to get married. I don't want to be alone in life and I want someone to grow old with and share things with. I want my little partner in crime. I am unfortunatley dreading that day when I have to send invites but I know my family won't come because I don't intend on marrying someone from my country. Somali weddings can breed up to a 1000 people no joke! People who aren't invited show up and you can't be rude you have to let them in. I'm trying to save myself from that fate and not marry a Somali guy. Large weddings in Somalia mean you have to sit on this massive couch and people just talk to you, kiss you, send you well wishes, pose for photos, dance around you. It's utter hell and compared to what I might have to deal with yours is an cake walk.

Did I mention that weddings in Somalia are VIDEOTAPED and sent to everyone on the face of the planet and they keep it for years and years. yea..........

I suggest a quiet and intimate beach wedding. Just a handful of people and make a nice small reception or have the reception at the beach in a bungalow or something. Stay away from halls if you don't want lots of people because you have to fill that space up.
 

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honestly if I ever had the opportunity, which is doubtful, I would do the cheap courthouse way, I could not handle being at a big wedding and the one of the two people who are the center of attention, and considering the average cost of a wedding is $20,000 according to Google statistics that's a big no no, especially since its only one day and no one but the two people getting married are going to care much afterwords, I could do much more productive things with $20,000, over a very long time period, no need to blow it in one day.
 
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