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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
No need to reveal who it is if you don’t want to. Just out of curiosity who here is confident enough to say he or she has made friends on this forum?

I personally am in contact with a couple of people I met here through pm’s. I don’t know if we’re friends but we regularly chat…
 

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I'm glad to hear you're getting along with people Socialmisfits.

I did make friends in 2009 - 2010 when I was on here before under a different username. So technically yes, and only over a decade ago so quite recently! :)

But in my current incarnation, no. I don't PM people now because my SA won't let me. :( My SA is actually a lot worse than it was a decade ago and I just don't feel comfortable sending PMs yet, or going on the threads where people talk a lot. Maybe one day.
 

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No.

I never know what to say to people one to one, I over analyse everything that I say and that is said to me, so I don't usually contact people individually. The rare occasion I have, its been awkward.

To be honest I have been on this site quite a bit the last week or so, and I'm already feeling a bit panicky about how much I'm looking for the little blue dot that appears when someone has quoted/liked a post etc.. So it's likely in few days I will stop coming here for a bit (sometimes years) so it doesn't turn into an obsession.

The few friends I have in real life (you know what I mean). They have persevered with me because they are nice people and we have always been forced to around each other - school, uni, work, neighbours etc... If left to me I always lose contact with people, not because I want to but I usually feel inferior to everyone and end up not knowing why they want to see me so I just hide. Then it feels weird to contact people when I'm feeling better- I mean I've just pretty much ignored them for a few weeks and now I want to be friends???? Must be confusing for people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
@Unforgiven17 oh oh here is the blue dot again ;-)

I get what you’re saying we have things in common here lol. I too don’t keep friendships because I just start thinking i’m annoying or something.

I have been overthinking words I type or speak as well in the past, I don’t know what it is lately (read the last Couple of weeks) I just don’t seem to care anymore. It all coincided with me trying to exercize more, it seemed to have an effect on my brain.

@strange_world
I almost feel uncomfortable but may I ask you your age and why your SA has gotten worse lately?
I ask because my SA also seems to get worse by age though I do feel a lot better since a couple of weeks due to excersizing
 

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@Socialmisfits I sprained my ankle about a month ago. Before that I'd been back at the gym for quite a few months, even going regularly to a class. I went back first time on Wednesday so hopefully will feel a little better and more positive soon.
 

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@strange_world
I almost feel uncomfortable but may I ask you your age and why your SA has gotten worse lately?
I ask because my SA also seems to get worse by age though I do feel a lot better since a couple of weeks due to excersizing
No worries! I'm 40. I'm about to turn 41 in September. So definitely middle-aged now.

Thank you for asking as it allows me to talk about it a bit. Basically I've had more negative life experiences which have made me more anxious.

Since 2010 I've had my only ever relationships - both short lived - and both ended quite badly. That didn't help my confidence. I'm living with a disfigurement. I've been insulted about it quite a lot. I feel like my social skills are undeveloped for my age due to lack of life experience. It really starts to show when you reach 40.

On the bright side I've got happier over the years and I'm more at ease in my own company. I don't feel as angry or sad as I used to. I used to suffer severe depression but now I don't and I'm a much happier, more optimistic person.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
@strange_world

I’m 38 thus also middle aged and we really are. I heard teens talking about the old guy ( referring to me) lol
I know exactly what you mean with the feeling of underdeveloped social skills. As a teenager or in my twenties it didn’t show as much as it could still point towards your inexperienced age. People didn’t mind. But people our aged are supposed to be more knowledgeable and brave and experienced etc.
I remember now about your disfigurement, I read about it in another of your posts. My main problem has always been my voice, kids often laughed at my heavy slow speaking monotone voice. Resulting into me becoming very quiet. Kids would literally start laughing when I needed to speak in class lol.
I grew out of it but it will always be somewhere in the back of my mind, not speaking up or not speaking at all became second nature.
I’m much more talkative on the internet as you probably have noticed lol
I have also been bullied about my appearance though, my crooked teeth, my glasses and my overall dorky look. Kids can be mean lol. But it also happened during college which had a much bigger impact on me since I couldn’t grasp young adults to be that insensitive. So yeah all of that has lead to me being nowhere in life right now. I never really braved up…
I know you asked none of my story but I tell you because I can relate. Hope you don’t mind…

So do you look back regretful on those relationships or are you still glad you got to experience them?
 

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@strange_world and @Socialmisfits

Crikey! I'm 35 and thought I had about a decade to go before I hit middle age.

According to the most reliable of sources (Wikipedia) Middle age anywhere between 45 and 65, so we all have a few years left yet.
 

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Friends is a strange word for me, I often consider people my friends but then my own definition is pretty loose. It is always weird having conversations on this forum about friends, when my own definition changes. Such as I've had drinking friends in the past, but would they really be considered friends when the only thing that bound us was drinking? I have considered coworkers friends, although I never hung out with them after work, and depending on the context of a topic I may not refer them as friends.

I haven't had conversations with people from this forum outside of the forum, with the exception of another forum and as such I would say probably not. I enjoy people here though. I would consider them forum friends, does that count 😋🙃❓
 

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I think so. Maybe not "friends" in the traditional sense of the word. I'll 99.9% never meet anyone from the internet IRL but there are a few people on SAS I trust about as much as I've ever trusted anyone online.
 

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In the past yes, unfortunately I think those opportunies are basically over for me now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
@Unforgiven17

In my opinion there are kids, young people, middle aged people and old people lol. Here is how I divide them, feel free to disagree :p

kids 0-15 no responsibilities in general
young people 16 to 29 some responsibilities but mostly still playful
middle aged 30 to 59 working and settling people
old 60 to… slowing down or retired though the retirement age bar is getting wider

but yes you can’t really argue with putting people in their thirties still in the young category, neither can you argue some 60 year olds feeling offended for being called old :p
So if anyone feels offended by my post, you are only as old as you feel… ;)
 

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@strange_world

I’m 38 thus also middle aged and we really are. I heard teens talking about the old guy ( referring to me) lol
I know exactly what you mean with the feeling of underdeveloped social skills. As a teenager or in my twenties it didn’t show as much as it could still point towards your inexperienced age. People didn’t mind. But people our aged are supposed to be more knowledgeable and brave and experienced etc.
I remember now about your disfigurement, I read about it in another of your posts. My main problem has always been my voice, kids often laughed at my heavy slow speaking monotone voice. Resulting into me becoming very quiet. Kids would literally start laughing when I needed to speak in class lol.
I grew out of it but it will always be somewhere in the back of my mind, not speaking up or not speaking at all became second nature.
I’m much more talkative on the internet as you probably have noticed lol
I have also been bullied about my appearance though, my crooked teeth, my glasses and my overall dorky look. Kids can be mean lol. But it also happened during college which had a much bigger impact on me since I couldn’t grasp young adults to be that insensitive. So yeah all of that has lead to me being nowhere in life right now. I never really braved up…
I know you asked none of my story but I tell you because I can relate. Hope you don’t mind…

So do you look back regretful on those relationships or are you still glad you got to experience them?
Sorry, I should have asked about you too Socialmisfits. Thanks for your reply and for relating your experiences.

Ha yeah, I remember the first time I got called 'that old guy' and I think I was 36. That's not old! It sucks but at least I've lived a long life so far. I still feel young anyway.

I got a hard time at school and college too because I'm short and geeky and ugly and I was one of the nerds. I liked heavy metal and my nickname was 'Beavis' from the cartoon Beavis and Butthead. I guess my SA really starts in those times too. I never really got my self-confidence back from those days. I'm sorry to hear you had such bad experiences back then. I used to hate speaking up in class as well. I'm sure people don't judge us on our appearances as harshly as we ourselves do, but I can really understand how difficult it is to deal with sometimes. I still struggle to look at myself in the mirror.

I'm happy I had the first relationship as she was a really fun person and gave me some great memories. I still think fondly about her. The second one? Ah... Less so. But it was only for a few months anyway. I'm lucky to have had any girlfriend, looking like I do and having my SA problems, so I'm glad in that sense.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
@strange_world

don’t worry you didn’t need to ask.
I personally don’t judge my own appearance harshly, most other people don’t either I think but there have been a few moments that lasted a couple of months in the past where some people seemed to struggle with my looks. It is their problem not mine lol
But the voice I did struggle with, it is what you get when an entire class starts laughing everytime you open your mouth lol. It is conditioned in my brain, not much I can change about it anymore now lol

Those relationships must have been very good for your overall life experiences, you definitely should remember the things you learned from them and cherish the good moments. I have always been too shy or even anxious to start a relationship, I have never let any girl get close to me even though some seemed to want to get to know me but that was also a long time ago.
 

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@strange_world and @Socialmisfits

Crikey! I'm 35 and thought I had about a decade to go before I hit middle age.

According to the most reliable of sources (Wikipedia) Middle age anywhere between 45 and 65, so we all have a few years left yet.
Wait, what? I thought middle age started at 50. Lol What have I missed? 💀

Well, I'm only 28 anyways.



Yea, I've made friends on here definitely. I've been talking to one through email since December 2019 and another one on and off since December 17. December must be the month for me to make friends. 🤷‍♀️

I enjoy talking to both of them and we always have something to say, which is nice.
 

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Made lots of friends here through the blogs and chatroom. I've met a few of them in person too. Most were eventually lost or became occasional friends, but some have remained good friends for decades. This has definitely been the best website for that.

But haven't made any in the past 5 years I think, most were 2005-2011. And only one was just from forum posts. You get to know people a lot better through blogs or chat.

According to the most reliable of sources (Wikipedia) Middle age anywhere between 45 and 65, so we all have a few years left yet.
I keep citing that for people, but they keep insisting I became middle aged at 40. I think it's because people think it should be the middle of your life, when it's actually supposed to be the middle period of adulthood.
 

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No, zero for me. But in relative to other longer timers here, I am likely the only one who hasn't. Unlike most others here, I rarely or never have posted anything interesting, intriguing, stimulating or relatable here. Just random awkward drivel text blocks (like this one). And I never mingled on chat or posted on blogs since I never have anything thought stimulating, thought provoking and intelligent to say. Not doing so, others will not find me interesting nor do they want to know more about the person. For this reason, I also have never initiate PMs with anyone on here as I conclude it will only be irritating and sketchy to the other person if I do so out of the blue. In all, you have to be the part with you want to be included as a part.

But in general, the concept of online friendships and relationships have never been my cup of tea. It doesn't feel real. Outside of the small recurring chit chat which I'm happy with. I am always amazed to see how most people are capable of making close friendships and relationships online for this reason. Which I do envy. Just being able to develop a relationship with someone that is all virtual. Not something I am capable of doing. But this is likely going to be the future. Especially with the concept of virtual avatars and the whole VR trend coming up.
 

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I don't know how to define stuff like that (and it would seem kind of presumptuous to do that.) I've been in contact with one person over pm's recently. I've spoken to a bunch of people from this site off site before or over pms but either we didn't open up much/there was a wall or we weren't that compatible, or it's one sided where I'm more interested in them or vice versa, or I'm not in contact with them now. I don't think it's ever felt as solid as my friend who I know from real life and who I've spoken to consistently for over a decade, even though we never hang out in real life anymore I feel comfortable calling him a friend because I think our relationship is meaningful to him and he'd be upset if I disappeared. That being said most people here know more about me than that friend, and he doesn't understand my gender identity at all which means there's always going to be a wall there too, so that's funny.

I like many people on this site, but I think I have a parasocial connection with people more than anything else. I haven't really been able to find anything else close to a sense of community (because social media sites don't give you that, I guess some discord groups I was in were closer to this but I drifted away from them because of the toxicity etc and I'm still dealing with some of the negative effects of being in those groups. I needed people I could talk to openly about gender/sexuality stuff including controversial stuff and I got that and most people were also very mentally ill moreso than most people on this site really, so that didn't get in the way but yeah it came at a huge psychological cost really.)

I also think I'm too crazy now to talk to most people.
 

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I did back around 2012. Didn't keep in touch with any of them although I did add one of them on facebook who I had some things in common with and lived somewhat nearby.
 

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I quite like the fact I can be anonymous on this site so I’m not sure that having friends on the site would be helpful as the site may lose its therapeutic benefit for me as it means I can write what I want without caring what people think. I’m not sure how an online friendship would work either as I like friendships with depth and I’m not sure how that can happen without meeting them in person. Also I’m a bit wary of online stuff as you don’t know the person’s background etc. Not sure how you’d classify a friendship on here but I don’t get anyone regularly sending me pms. I had been thinking about this recently wondering if i don’t fit in on the social anxiety site either! Lol. If anyone wants to message me then you are welcome to 😃
 
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