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Ying&Yang
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I've come to the conclusion that i've developed sa from a very early age. According to my mother everything always seemed to fright me and was always a scaredy cat. The fact that my parents were very overprotective (especially my mom) always babied and spoiled me i think was another reason. They always a had very high expectations of me but always felt like i wasn't good enough. My lack of life experience as well, not going out as much, being sheltered from certain people i feel led to this, beside always feeling uncertain and having to ask permission for everything(being so insecure and a pushover) I always was looking for some reassurance that someone was okay with me(probably due to the fact my mom showed me tough love.) From what I've talked about with my therapist the fact that i was somehow abused ald made me feel like the world was not a safe place to me so that's why i have trust issues even till today. Anyone else ever wondered why they are the way they are?
 

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Interesting, I think I can relate fully except that I was not abused. I think I've always had a lot of SA since I was young, and my parents were, and my father still is, very sheltering. It's impossible to say how much of my SA is genetic, but definitely I think that the fact my parents have let me get away with not doing so many things has only made my SA worse throughout life.
 

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I can relate, my mother was highly overprotective of me as i was an only child. If you keep all your eggs in one basket, you'll be sure to guard it. However this is not how I operate, I like to be able to be free to make my own choices and be free to make my own mistakes. However living at home does not allow this. I think the biggest lesson I learned, is not to listen to my parents. I love them and hope to please them, but I need to live my life the way I need too, not the way they want me too. My mother has always wanted me to become a doctor, while I have had no interest in such occupation. I believe moving out is the best option, where I am able to do as I please, and fail and fall hard. However moving out is rather expensive.. But one of my goals this year is to move out.
 

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I think it comes a lot from being hurt. When you're younger, those things affect you. You worry about fitting in and such. As you get older, you usually don't worry about those things as much because you realize that part of growing up is standing on your own. You're still young. Sometimes you outgrow those things. Give it time.
 

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I think it comes a lot from being hurt. When you're younger, those things affect you. You worry about fitting in and such. As you get older, you usually don't worry about those things as much because you realize that part of growing up is standing on your own. You're still young. Sometimes you outgrow those things. Give it time.
This. I think mine developed in high school when I was, for the first time in my life, made fun of.
 

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I've recently started studying psychology at the post secondary level and subsequently have learned a lot about SA. In psychology three levels of analysis are applied in order to look at causes for behaviour, etc. Here is how I have applied those three levels to my SA.

Biological- I believe I had a predisposition to mental illness as I have an aunt with SA, a great uncle with schizophrenia, an aunt with bipolar, etc.

Psychological - I have always been a shy and cautious person by nature. Since having SA these tendencies have manifested to a stronger degree.

Environmental- Like some people have said, I believe being bullied as a child contributed to my SA as well. I was always the girl that everyone liked. I wasn't 'popular' but I hung out with the popular people somewhat and everyone was friendly with me. My SA really began after I was physically bullied by my best friend and humiliated in gym class by my teacher for sucking at basketball.
 

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I've always been a shy and introverted kind of person, in infant school I was always on my own and would hardly speak at all apart from in one word answers and responses or would whisper to the teacher and stuff and I wouldn't join in playing with the other kids much
In junior school I was still shy but was able to join in a bit more and have a few friends but was teased a little about the sound of my voice which made me kinda self concious
In senior school I had a couple of close friends that i could talk to well and muck around with and stuff, but I was never really able to talk to anyone else apart from them so I would be like 2 different people depending on who was around, I was never really bullied but got teased a bit and people thought I was weird or would make fun of me a bit
Then everything got worse when I started smoking weed a lot towards the end of school and it ended up making my anxiety and social anxiety way worse and I got quite bad ocd, paranoia and depersonalisation and started to become quite avoidant of my friends and social situations and became depressed and I started getting anxious and awkward around them and felt i couldn't connect to them any more and even my own family as well, I stopped smoking weed but the social anxiety and stuff stayed and I have never really felt the same as how I was and am still avoidant and feel unable to feel close to people even my friends and can only be with them for short amounts of time before I kinda run out of things to say which never used to happen before and I tend to withdraw and go mute a lot in social situations or at work and struggle a lot to find and keep work and have been unemployed twice for 6 months at a time and will be unemployed again in march, and being unemployed for that long I think has quite damaged my self esteem and confidence and I get depressed and quite apathetic
 

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For me it isn't much of a mystery.

Firstly I believe there is some genetic history as mental disorders seem to run in the family. My brother actually has severe OCD and GAD, I have various relatives who had various other mental disorders.

I was always a little different. I was polite, shy, and extremely sensitive. I could not stand to think I had disappointed anyone. I tended to watch what other people did and learn from it. I was always very observant and things always hit me harder than they would other kids.

Secondly, for five years after my parents were divorced I lived with my father who was mentally abusive. Other family members were physically abusive. When my father remarried his new wife was jealous of me because he gave me a lot of attention. She was also abusive and even hit me. Eventually I realized that if people noticed you it meant they wanted something from you, and also that other people would hate you for it.

We moved constantly. Like every 3 months I was in a different school. When I moved up north I had the lovely "You talk funny!" issue. On top of that my mother has terrible taste in men, so while living with her was way better than with my father for many reasons, I still had to deal with sick men. The difference was at this point I was able to defend myself.

There was never a time when someone criticized me that I didn't take it to heart, even if it was just an offhand comment.

I had OCD by the time I was 9. I still remember the exact moment that my main ritual started. It's changed over the years but it's still constant in every day life.

Of course I'm 30 now and things didn't stop there, but that's pretty much the root of it. Sensitive kid + bad environment + genetic predisposition = SAD and other disorders. Now if only understanding the problem really was halfway to recovery. :b
 

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Genetics and role models and ****. Born wit' it. Die @ early age.
 

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It started when I was in preschool. I was about four years old and one time when I was in class, I had an accident. I needed to change into new underwear but the teacher couldn't take me to the bathroom because she needed to stay with the rest of the class, so she made me change behind these file cabinets. Didn't work very well because other kids saw me, I remember this one boy pointing at me and laughing.

My mom told me that before this incident, I was really excited to go to school and be "grown-up" like my older brother. After this incident, I begged her not to take me to school anymore. She figured something was wrong and stayed after class started once, to secretly spy on the class from the window. Whenever I cried because other kids were laughing at me, my teacher would lose her patience and shake me to try to get me to stop, but that only made me cry more. When my mom realized this, she pulled me from the class and I didn't go back to preschool.

I did go on to kindergarten and public school, but I think this incident was what really kicked my SA into motion. Other events that happened in my life didn't really help either. That's why I'm so messed up now. :(
 

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I changed school 4-5 times in a quick lapse of time and I had to suffer through 2 divorces at a young age.
 

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I never wondered, I always knew what caused it. I was bullied in school when I was 13 and for the remainder of my time at that school, I was miserable. I went to middle school excited and happy and those kids completely wrecked the entire experience for me. Every day I was tormented until I cracked. I cried every day and just completely crashed. I didn't even begin to be somewhat functional again until I was 19.
 

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Yes, I do wonder why I developed social anxiety because I have absolutely no family history of it whatsoever. None. At all. I guess I'm a genetic anomaly. I do believe I was born this way, though. Maybe I inherited a propensity toward anxiety and the switch was turned on due to the environment I grew up in? I don't know.
 

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I never wondered, I always knew what caused it. I was bullied in school when I was 13 and for the remainder of my time at that school, I was miserable. I went to middle school excited and happy and those kids completely wrecked the entire experience for me. Every day I was tormented until I cracked. I cried every day and just completely crashed. I didn't even begin to be somewhat functional again until I was 19.
:eek: That is ME ^. I was first bullied at a private Christian school in the 4th and 5th grade. It didn't really destroy me. I actually talked back and stood up for myself. I was the only black girl in my classes because the school was predominately white.

Transfered to a public middle school. I was so happy and excited because I would finally be around people that looked like me. You know what? It was WORSE. I was tormented more that I thought I could ever imagine. I didn't know that kids treated other kids like that. Middle school is what ultimately destroyed me.

Once I entered high school. Every bit of self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence was completely gone. I didn't know what to do. I automatically thought that high school would be the most amazing experience of my life. I believe that I had completely blocked out and suppressed all of the horrible things that had happened to me. Seriously. I had buried them so deep within myself because I did not want to deal with the fact that these things had actually happened to me. It's so bad that I can't even remember some of the things that happened to me. :no

I didn't know how bad it had affected me. I really didn't know. The anxiety REALLY started setting in (or coming out/taking its effects) freshmen year. I had never felt so scared and nervous in my life, ever. Not even in middle school when it was happening. I would walk up to the front doors telling myself everyday that I would speak (whether it was in class, to someone, or whatever). As soon as my foot hit the inside of building it would SHUT DOWN, totally and completely. I thought I didn't have control over my body and there was something else taking control.

It was the worst in 10th grade. I mean having to see a psychiatrist and therapist AND having to take anti-depressants was something that I never imagined I would have to do. I felt like I was outside of my body. It did not even seem real. And of course the constant fights with my mother and grandmother at home didn't help. It was draining for me but I cannot imagine how badly it hurt them.

But do you know what hurt me the most? There were so many NEW people that I didn't go to middle school with, didn't know me, never teased me, or any of that, that I could have been friends with. Those people had nothing to do with what happened to me in middle school. That is what hurt me the most. :rain

So now to the present? I am 19 and I am somewhat functional like you were lol. Even though both of my grandparents died along with losing my house, I have become a stronger person. I am getting better everyday but I still do have problems relating/connecting to people. I am just trying to take it one day at a time. :yes
 
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