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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Pretty much what it says in the title - has anyone ever been just completely up-front and honest, spilling their guts about SA and how it affects their lives and relationships? I'm starting to think that I might have to in order to salvage a relationship that seems to be slowly dwindling after I did some major pushing away, but it seems intimidating and maybe a little too honest. I'd be interested to hear some feedback from people who have done this and how well it went.
 

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You at some point in a long term relationship should disclose heath problems that will affect that relationship. When and how is up to you. SA and mental health are no different in that regard. I told my current gf that up front in our relationship. It has been of great help that she understands why I act the way I do and she has been very supportive of me.
 

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Yeah it's probably wise to tell them at the right time when stuff in the relationship is going well.

I was in a relationship where I should of told her. It did cause problems in the relationship where I had to come up with excuses as to why I couldn't do planned social things (like wedding party's, her friends birthday nights out). She began to think I just didn't enjoy those things and that we were not as compatible as she once thought. She suddenly ended it with me and it was too late for me to tell her because it would of looked like I was begging and using SA as an excuse to get her to give things another go.

That was probably 1 of my main regrets in life ever. If I had told her during the relationship, she may of understood, helped me work through my SA issues and would of realised that I find it hard to do social things because of SA and not because we are different people who like different things.
 

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I have taken that approach in the past and at first he did appreciate my honesty/candor, but it ended up causing him to feel put off by me, and it didn't work out. I think the main problem was that I mentioned it too soon. At some point you'll have to tell them, but you should make sure that they've had lots of time to get to know the rest of you before you get into the personal baggage. Then they'll be more likely to want to overlook it.

In your case of wanting to salvage a relationship that is already not doing well, it might be worth talking about so that they understand the situation better and might be willing to forgive you a little, and even if not, they'll feel better knowing it's not all their fault.
 

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Never, it's something I'm too embarrassed about. I even make up lies about why I'm behaving certain ways, and let people think I'm just rude, or an airhead, or whatever, rather than tell them it's because I panicked.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for your input guys. Honestly, I know I have to do this no matter what. I'm still really close friends with this woman, but it's painful to be around her platonically knowing that my SA caused me to push her away hardcore. I can pinpoint the exact moment she stopped being affectionate towards me and trying to pull me closer, and it's precisely when I automatically walled up and told her I didn't want her to get close despite the fact that it was something I wanted pretty badly. I'm afraid that I'll seem like I'm weak or mentally unstable, but pentagonman framing SA as a health problem rather than a character defect helps put it into perspective for me. Thank you.
 

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Never have, never will. Especially with a girl I like. There's no reason to show weakness around women you're attracted unless it's very mild or something extreme like the death of a parent.
 
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