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banana enthusiast
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I did some internet stalking and found out that my main bully from age 12-13 lives in the same city as me, and his work address is within walking distance of me. What should I do now? Should I go there and pound the crap out of him?

From my facebook stalking it seems like he is married, and he's always surrounded by bros and hot chicks in his photos. Just like he was 15 years ago. And get this: he's a computer programmer. He gets one of the best nerd jobs after spending his youth pounding nerds like me. On top of that he continues living the jock lifestyle, travelling all over the world. Where's the ****ing justice? I wonder if he even remembers making my life hell.

Have you ever had a chance to confront a bully from the past? What did you do? Or what would you do if you did see one of your bullies?

EDIT: Actually I'm not sure if he's married or not, but the rest of it is accurate. He's always got girls pressed against him.
 

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What good would come of it if you did go down and beat him up? It probably would end up landing your butt in jail. Those kind of people will never get it. He probably wouldn't even remember you. Also, it wouldn't change the fact that you have SA.
 

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Maybe you could go there and pretend you didn't go there to see him but make a comment about the bullying. Make him feel bad about it and apologize or something. I mean I generally don't think about the past too much as I feel it isn't very productive unless it's to learn from something. Certainly I don't think kicking his *** would change how you feel overall, despite some short-term happiness.

I think a lot of people who are older now realize that they were dicks in school so would feel bad about it. During high school or middle school kids aren't very well rounded as a person and don't have as much empathy.
 

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Have you ever had a chance to confront a bully from the past? What did you do? Or what would you do if you did see one of your bullies?
I've never been bullied, however I was friends with some of the popular kids and I can remember times where they were bullying other kids. I always felt bad and told my friends they were *******s for doing that, but it didn't really have an effect on my friends, the bullies, other than a brief admittance that they were dicks. However later on they'd be bullying again.

Only reason I was sort of popular was that I played sports so naturally I kind of hung out with them. I had the worst social anxiety, I'd barely talk to people.
 

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Out there...
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Since I remember this from the other thread, what did he do to you all this time? I understand your feelings, given this "opportunity". But maybe there's something that makes you feel stronger than usual (perhaps I'm just assuming) about something like this. Not saying you're wrong to do so, though.

I'm curious because I'm interested to see what becomes of this.
 

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What did this guy do to you?

Beating him up unprovoked isn't very wise. You could end up in jail. To be honest i really don't know what to say, lol. Obviously the guy is a douchebag and you have a lot of negative feelings about him. If i were you, i'd hate him too.

I was never bullied and beat up, but i know a guy from HS who used to tease me a lot. Maybe mobbing is the correct word? We were in the same class for 4 years and when i see him on the street i don't even turn my head the other way. I try to look straight with straight and confident posture, and just walk past that douchebag to show him i ain't the same quiet, everyone's fool type of guy i used to be. I don't look the other way, i look straight at him and i don't say a word. If he would provoke something, all the memories would immediately surface and i'd smash his ****ing brains in. But he and all other *******s from the past won't do it since i'm a lot bigger than i used to be. I wish they did, oh man how i wish that.
 

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People do change a lot from school days. He may be very sorry for what he did to you. Instead of beating the crap out of him, you might want to contact him just to talk and see if he's willing to make amends with you. My biggest bully was my older brother. He did terrible things to me when I was younger. He's still manipulative and I doubt I'll ever really like him, but he has grown up a lot. I confronted him about it this summer, and he apologized for everything he did to me. Whether he was sincere I don't know, but I think he was, and it did help me a lot.
 

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banana enthusiast
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Since I remember this from the other thread, what did he do to you all this time? I understand your feelings, given this "opportunity". But maybe there's something that makes you feel stronger than usual (perhaps I'm just assuming) about something like this. Not saying you're wrong to do so, though.
What did this guy do to you?

Beating him up unprovoked isn't very wise. You could end up in jail. To be honest i really don't know what to say, lol. Obviously the guy is a douchebag and you have a lot of negative feelings about him. If i were you, i'd hate him too.
The usual stuff - punching, beating, making fun of me relentlessly, breaking into my locker, playing all kinds of tricks, making fun of my bosoms in the changing room (I was fat then), etc. It wasn't just him - most of the class got involved too. But he was the ringleader or alpha male who coordinated the 'fun'. Even the girls got involved. They all loved this douchebag. I hadn't really given it much thought since leaving school, but now, the more I think about my problems with social anxiety and loneliness, the more I hate him and other bullies from other years. And finding out that they now have perfectly wonderful lives doesn't help. They didn't cause my SA (I've had it since birth), but they made sure no one could like me and erased any possibility of me overcoming SA.

I wouldn't have the nerve to confront him or beat him up anyway, but it would be pretty sweet. Maybe I could just act all creepy and follow him or something to freak him out.
 

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absurdinista
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my bully got into a car accident and has severe brain damage, today. it kind of sucks because i wanted him to apologize for it if we ever saw each other again. now i'll never know if he regretted it, or didn't care.

don't beat this guy up though. that wouldn't be good for anyone.
 

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I wouldn't have the nerve to confront him or beat him up anyway, but it would be pretty sweet. Maybe I could just act all creepy and follow him or something to freak him out.
Do you think that gives you more frustration, knowing that you won't confront him? Or more relief? The stalker thing does sound pretty funny though.

The usual stuff - punching, beating, making fun of me relentlessly, breaking into my locker, playing all kinds of tricks, making fun of my bosoms in the changing room (I was fat then), etc. It wasn't just him - most of the class got involved too. But he was the ringleader or alpha male who coordinated the 'fun'. Even the girls got involved. They all loved this douchebag. I hadn't really given it much thought since leaving school, but now, the more I think about my problems with social anxiety and loneliness, the more I hate him and other bullies from other years. And finding out that they now have perfectly wonderful lives doesn't help. They didn't cause my SA (I've had it since birth), but they made sure no one could like me and erased any possibility of me overcoming SA.
Sounds like a total nightmare. It seemed like everything that could go negatively against you, did.
 

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I've never had the opportunity. The closest thing I've had to revenge was preventing one of them from getting her old job back. That felt pretty good.
 

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Have you ever had a chance to confront a bully from the past? What did you do? Or what would you do if you did see one of your bullies?
Yes.

When I was in 5th grade (I think it was) I had a group of people who got mad at me over something I said about a girl they all liked. At the time, I was hopelessly careless with words and managed to antagonize them even though I was actually terrified of them.

About 8 years later, I went back to my home city for a visit and my cousins and I ended up going to a public pool. Lo and behold, most of the members of that same group that had bullied me were there.

I considered ignoring them and hoping they didn't recognize me but I figured enough time had passed and maybe they had let go of the anger as much as I had. So I tried talking to the "leader" of the pack who had been the most aggressive towards me when we were in school. No such luck. He was still an *******.

At any rate, I held onto all that stuff for a number of years but finally realized it was pointless. They were idiots and I wasn't much better at the time when all that stuff went down. And I did kind of egg things on when I really thought about it. I just wasn't as smart when I was a kid as I thought I was.
 

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I tend to confront bullies while they're doing the bullying. Even though I'm not the most confident person I'm pretty damn stubborn and argumentative lol. I don't back down, and I'm surprisingly strong for someone my size when I'm running on adrenaline and hatred.
 

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I started getting bullied once high school started, in 9th grade. When a bully picked on me, I would just sit there and take it. I didn't even attempt to say or do anything back because I was scared of what might happen next.

Now, I'm in 12th grade and still get bullied occasionally. But after being bullied for so long I decided that this is the year that I'm gonna change and finally stand up for myself. So i did, and it felt great! I wish I would've done it to those bullies my freshmen-junior year, but I never did. Now I'm to the point where I actually wish that those same bullies would have a class with me now so that I will finally put them in their place.

This is my only regret in high school. I would probably not have the SA I have now if I only had a backbone...
 

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As tempting as it is, I don't think you should pound the crap out of him. Two wrongs don't make a right and although it may allow you to let out some pent up anger, I think you'd probably feel like a s**** afterwards and wouldn't feel good about yourself at all.
Life is unfair unfortunately. He MAY appear to have a wonderful life but outward appearances can be deceptive. No one is perfect and everyone has their problems. I was bullied badly at school and a part of me wishes I knew some strong guy that could sort out the lad who punched me and gave me a real hard time at school. But that's just fantasy, I'm all grown up now and I wouldn't want to stoop to that level. I had a rough time of it at school by numerous individuals and the most I can hope for is that they get their fair share of bad karma. I NEVER want to see any of those vindictive individuals again and have absolutely no desire to communicate with them, if i'm unfortunate to see one when i'm out and about I will just disregard them.
 

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No. They don't mess with me anymore so I don't mess with them. I peek at their Facebook pages from time to time though out of boredom. What irks me about most of them is that they put they're nice in their about me's and are all like "PEACE. LOVE <3" and stuff. Then I'm sitting there like "Pffft. Where was all that PEACE and LOVE when I was around?". I know people change though but I have the strangest feeling that if I ever came across them in person again, the inner bully in them would show again.
 

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I was never really bullied, but this guy picked on me occasionally, but not as much as he would this other guy, but generally a lot of people didn't really like him. This was in elementary school and in High School we ended up going to different high schools and never saw each other again...

Until about 3 years ago when I bumped into him when I was heading to school. This guy was very different then the guy I knew, he was smoking kinda looked like a couch potato, and I was 6 inches taller then him. Life didn't really well for him, I dunno if this is a happy ending or not, but there seemed like justice took place.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
No. They don't mess with me anymore so I don't mess with them. I peek at their Facebook pages from time to time though out of boredom. What irks me about most of them is that they put they're nice in their about me's and are all like "PEACE. LOVE <3" and stuff. Then I'm sitting there like "Pffft. Where was all that PEACE and LOVE when I was around?". I know people change though but I have the strangest feeling that if I ever came across them in person again, the inner bully in them would show again.
Yeah, people are always singing his praises on his photos and stuff. Makes me sick. I guess it's possible for people to change, but when someone's got life on lockdown by being a jerk, what's the motivation to change to become nice? That's why I'm skeptical that these people have really changed. It's possible though.
 

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I think a lot of people who are older now realize that they were dicks in school so would feel bad about it. During high school or middle school kids aren't very well rounded as a person and don't have as much empathy.
I'm not convinced that most bullies realize that they were dicks in school. I wasn't really a target in much of my elementary/middle school years, but the bullies that I knew were the "well-adjusted" kids who are now nice and well-liked people, and they even act like they'd always been my friends even though I never talked to them. If I were to remind them of what they did to kid A, kid B, and kid C at various points throughout elementary/middle school, I bet that would be news to them.

I did, actually, leave a message on the blog of someone who was really mean to me while I was internet-stalking a few years ago. She'd become a committed Seventh-Day Adventist and a genuinely nice person by then, so in my disappointment I wrote something along the line of "Why weren't you this nice when you were with me?" Instead of a reply, she deleted the original entry along with my comment and re-posted it the next day. I wonder what she thought about that comment? Was she embarrassed? Did she feel guilty? Was she even aware that she was at one point a jerk? Did she even remember who I was? :stu

Either way, I have since gotten the closure that I needed, so it doesn't bother me anymore what anyone in the past did to me. My reasoning so far is that kids will be kids, although I'm not sure if I'm still going to believe that in a couple years.
 

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I don't know why it surprises people when their bullies turn out to be successful later in life. Bullies are generally well liked by their peers and teachers. As they grow into adulthood they usually integrate well into office politics and become successful upper management. Just what I noticed.
 
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