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that happened to me. we only lasted 2 days because he kept complaining that i was too quiet for him. it really sucked. and on top of all that, he was my first boyfriend... and also my first kiss and he kept telling me that i was too stiff when we were kissing and stuff and it got me more nervous. i had told him a million times before that i was nervous and that he was my first bf....but he didn't understand. i hate it when people think it's easy for us social phobics to talk. it irritates me.
 

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He sounds like a real *******. It's probably a good thing he's out of your life, you don't need someone like that around.
and actually, that's a very good mental strategy to take :) It's psychological self-defense, it's a necessary part of life... as long as it's not taken to the extreme, which nobody here is likely to do anyway
 

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Gentle Impulsion
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that happened to me. we only lasted 2 days because he kept complaining that i was too quiet for him. it really sucked. and on top of all that, he was my first boyfriend... and also my first kiss and he kept telling me that i was too stiff when we were kissing and stuff and it got me more nervous. i had told him a million times before that i was nervous and that he was my first bf....but he didn't understand. i hate it when people think it's easy for us social phobics to talk. it irritates me.
aww that doesn't sound very nice of him!! =[ it's his loss!! =]
 

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Ya it happens a lot esp if yer a guy cuz being quiet is supposed to mean you're a freak or something who will show up with a trench coat full of weapons one day.

Several times women would drag me into situations where all her friends where there and I didnt know a sole and expect me to be able to follow conversations regarding people I know nothing about.. it all sounds like some kind of secret code when you dont know the stories and no one bothers to give you the background info. Ive just accepted that life sucks and to expect anything else results in disappointment.. if you always expect the worst at least u wont be disapppointed when it inevitably happens.
 

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Not dumped but fired for being too quiet

I've never lost a bf for being too quiet, however I have lost a few jobs for being too quiet. What I eventually learned to do was fake being more outgoing. Fake until you make it.

I know that is easier said than done for sure. But if you have strong enough motivation, you can learn. My motivation was having a half way decent career and being able to support myself. I'm still no social butterfly, but at least I can hold a conversation.

They call it desentisization and it works for some shy people, not all. I think since I'm moderately shy and in possession of some social skill I have been able to fake an outgoing personality. Not for long though, since I'm also an introvert. Tonight my extremely outgoing bf told me essentially that he didn't "want someone who is always in her head" and that I need to "engage the world more." Just because I was sitting contentedly at a social gathering watching the goings on. I didn't look like I was having fun and he was pissed about that.

I tried to explain my introverted deal, but he said a wedding wasn't the place for that. Thankfully some of his friends came over and started talking and some music came on and I was able to do my favorite thing which is dance. It's funny that I am not shy about dancing in front of a room full of people.
I don't know what that's about! LOL. But I sure can't speak up in meetings!

So my advice is learn to be less quiet. Fake it if you have to. Do what I did buy a crap load of self-help books about how to start conversations - Speaking with Confidence for the Painfully Shy by Don Gabor is a good one. Learn to talk louder if you are soft spoken. Glom on to a more outgoing friend and go to parties. If you find this stuff doesn't work, you may need some meds. See a psychologist.

Unfortunately we live in a society that values loud, take charge types. And you have to adjust to that worle.
 

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Yes. But at least it weeded out the fickle.
I agree.

I was starting to get to know someone but i wasnt dumped due to being too quiet (I actually talk alot with someone im comfortable with) She dumped me as i had anxiety issues when having to meet her friends.

To the Original Poster.... it may not seem like it, and this may seem harsh but him dumping you was a good thing. You said he was your first kiss and he told you that you were too stiff when you were kissing and stuff ?? He sounds like a grub and that he was using you for the benifts of having a relationship rather than actually being with you for who you are. Better it happens after 2 days than wasting months or years on an idiot.
 

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Listen to most of yas, you been treated wrong and told that you're way of being is inferior to what society prescribes through the education system and mass media and all yas wanna do is join the club!

You still want the jerk guy who wouldnt talk to you while anyone was looking. You still want the hot B who made fun of you for trying to talk to her.

And guess what? Me too. I wanna find a way to just fit right in, sweep my entire life under the rug, and join the club. Maybe Ill even make fun of other people, too, who knows. Screw reforming the system, how the heck can I join it?
 

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is getting over herself
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Sure. I got dumped by my first ex for being "boring". the fact that his new woman whom he started seeing behind my back was rich had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.
 

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The only girl I ever loved (and dated for two years) dumped me. She gave me a lot of reasons, geographical distance being the main problem, but she also said "and you don't like people!".

That hurt, because it's just not true. I do like people, I just have SA. But its really fustrating to think that that's how people see me.....as a guy who doesn't like people.
 

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ISFJ
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I had a girl recently dump me. We dated for two weeks, and honestly I have no idea why she was attracted to me in the first place. She's very out going, and I was so quiet and shy around her friends. I'm sure that's why things ended.

We're still friend though, and on occasion I get a hug.

My last serious relationship I ended because she was too outgoing. She always wanted me to hang out with her friends. She accepted my shyness and loved me very much, but I was always in situations that made me feel uncomfortable. Part of me regrets breaking up with her, but I think I was better off in the end.
 

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Well anyone who dumps someone because they can't handle diversity in personality are not worth the time of day! Not everyone can be outgoing and a chatterbox.
 

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I thought being attracted someone means being attracted to them as they are, not what they could be. If they want someone loud, date someone loud. How would they feel if we tried to make them quieter?
 

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My first two boyfriends dumped me within a few weeks for being to shy and quiet...and completely avoiding them. Haha. Grade 9 love....
 

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i have had a similar comment from a person i consider, would, or might have been a boyfriend, if he had not considered myself annoying because at certain times when he was asking for a response from me, i didn't really give him one.

not that i didn't want to respond to him when he asked, but i always imagined the weirdest, freakiest things that could have happened if i just responded too quickly. i might have imagined too much though... i guess a person really cant wait for too long, only to get a response (like a question) that usually takes a second to answer.
 

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You're just being you. There's no shame to be had and no blame on yourself for the way it ended up. Just take it with a grain of salt, you'll find somebody eventually who appreciated you for who you are, and you'll realise it was a blessing in disguise.

Afterall, most experiences in life are meant as hard lessons to teach us a thing or two and to make us wiser within ourselves.
 
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