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Sorry...
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Losing close friends because of our afflictions really opens up the mind and allows us to see the world from a new perspective. Those strong bonds we thought we had with another human being turned out to be not so strong after all. I don't blame my friends for leaving me, I would also leave me given the state I was in. What really hurt was how soon they left. I thought they would at least try to understand my situation, but all they did was become insulted and offended by my behavior towards them, like I was being that way on purpose or something. Every time I put myself through hell to fully recover and become normal I can't help but wonder, is it worth it? If I do end up making friends again and if someday I relapse into that ****ty state I was once in, exactly how long before these so called friends leave me? I don't think I can go through that again.
I totally understand what you mean. I've learned that the only person you can really depend on is yourself. That sounds depressing but I really don't feel that people are reliable and maybe it's not anybodies fault, because why would they want to stick around someone who's not benefiting them anymore? Perhaps we're all responsible for our own well being, but it would be nice to know that there was someone you could depend on and would try to understand what you're going through.
 

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Hm...

No!

Please, believe me, you are not the only one.

I have never really had real friends in all my life.

I've had acquaintances whom I may or may not have "fit in" with, but I never connected with anyone on a deep level and it's all been to due to my SA.

That was a long time ago, and it never really happened again after that. High school was a bad time for me, social-wise.

I think it requires a lot of effort, but I also think it's something we should pursue.

Eventually, we'll find people who we can confide in, and I think that's nice.

Best be to ya,

T.R.G.
 

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I always had 2 or 3 every year throughout school. Last spoke to one of them in 2012. I consider my coworkers friends, but it's really not the same. I have a couple online, but also not the same as having people my own age to hang out with.
 

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Am I the only person with absolutely no friends, acquaintances or even online friends? I never had any, ever. Literally the only thing I had to talk to are my cats and my mom just gave them all away. I want friends but I just can't for the life of me talk to people so I'm mute all the time. Even if I did have friends it would be exhausting to talk and come up with what to say. I'm a real loner amongst loners.
Hey dude you have skype? Il be your friend. I don't have much friends as well. You have depression and anxiety?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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nope, not irl anyway. i've actually never "hung out" or done stuff with people my own age outside of school. my parents are somewhat amazed that i'm content with life without friends, but you know, it's not like i know what i'm missing lol
 

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Yes but I didn't manage to get people to stick around for too long.

Im quiet and have no social status so naturally people wouldn't wanna be around me for very long which is understandable.
 

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I've recovered quite as bit from the paralysis that underlines social anxiety, but I still have the mute-issue you speak of, OP.

At the beginning of a night out I am half interested in engaging in social interaction, but then as the night begins to linger on (normally after an hour or two into the night) it's like I literally just forget how to communicate, and that's when things get ugly (and not to mention, awkward...) It's one thing to be quiet in a room, but 'silent' for hours on end, that's a little much! I've never figured out how to overcome this, but recognize it as a symptom of social anxiety that I just gotta live with; at least, until I can figure out some sort of way to strength my social skills in group settings.

For this reason, I can relate with the 'being a loner of loners' bit. It's frustrating living this way, but at the same time, half the condition is 'caring' too much about the issue. The moment I learned not to care about it, the easier it was to cope with it. But sadly that also doesn't take away the problem.
 

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Hermit
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nope, not irl anyway. i've actually never "hung out" or done stuff with people my own age outside of school. my parents are somewhat amazed that i'm content with life without friends, but you know, it's not like i know what i'm missing lol
My parents are amazed too, especially my sister which is an extrovert social monster and she's 19. She keeps asking me how I prefer being alone and sit at home 24/7 and I am ok without having even one friend irl or online. When she invites me to hang out with her I refuse, I don't like being around people. I used to hang out when I had friends in the past, now I have none. But hanging out with severe social anxiety ? You don't miss much, unless you like torturing yourself with anxiety. I couldn't bear it. I came to a point that I was drinking alcohol like crazy in order to act normaly and maintain my friendship. One day I just pushed everyone away, because what's the point ending up an alcoholic or addict ? Plus that I am schizoid and I don't particularly enjoy the company of other people.
 

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Village idiot
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I've had maybe two proper friends in my life. Both girls. Both long gone from my life. I don't seem to get on with guys so much. The again there are lots of girls I just can't stand either.
 

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dreaming of a better life
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Had to double check to make sure I hadn't posted on this topic yet. :lol I've had friends but as time went they all have gone by the wayside. I don't really know how to be a good friend so it's no surprise. Going out socializing is tough with no friends so I remain alone mostly.
 

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I have struggled with friendships all my life... and be thankful OP that you've never ended up in the situation I was in...

Back in 2013 I was friends with a group of 20 somethings from my work. We went out for nights out, days shopping, at the cinema, eating etc. I had to try really hard and open myself up, talking has always been difficult for me due to bullying I suffered at school. I was friend's with these two lassies and a guy -we got on so well, all four of us despite being really different actually clicked - it was amazing to have friends, text and go out!

But as time wore on I started to get bored and fed up with them... It's like they couldn't measure upto the high standards I had for them... I was actually really horrible to them in the end... due in part to my gender confusion, at the time. My head was messed up and really being friends with them set me back years, like I went back to how I was when I was 8 years old and playing with the lassies cos boys were mean and bullied me. I have issues I know...

Anyway the last message I got from one of them said "Hey, how's things :smile2:" - but I just ignored her and thought " don't need you anymore..."

She was a trouble maker, cheated on her bf - the guy I was friends with also and just became a really nasty, *****y girl in general. At our Xmas party everyone told him to dump her... she was draining the life out of all three of us with her diva attitude, we had completely changed. I had previously told him not to rush into sleeping with her... and she was texting our other friend asking "why isn't he gonna have sex with me?" In the end he booked a hotel, she dumped him & the managers spread the news like wildfire... those ****ing gossip queens!! >:)

I was genuinely just looking out for the guy and he blamed me. She had umpteen numbers in her phone and endless texts from other guys asking for it... at the end of the day I should have told him but it made everyone hate me and so yeah I left that workplace...

Friendships? overrated!

I also got in touch with old friends during that time, ****ing mistake! it was just a never ending cycle of depression... Oh and I'm pretty sure an ex female friend lied about having a miscarriage... disgusting cow! :frown2: To think I sat and cried about her problems for ages when they probably weren't even real in the first place!
 

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i've found making friends quite hard. i had some in high school. i have friends from meetup. i have an ex who lives far away who is a good friend. of course i lost many friends too.

a lot of people here go to all kinds of lengths to say they don't have "real" friends. only online/distant friends = "i have no friends". don't see them that often = "i have no friends". have friends, but still feel lonely = "i have no friends". you don't need to go out of your way to say you're an unlikable monster, you're just reinforcing your bad feelings deliberately. i've done that a lot myself. but the truth is that i do have some friends, and i have had quite a few throughout my life.

i hope that all of us can make some new friends and be happy :)
 

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I wish this worked for me. I also wish I didn't need any people in my life to give me a sense of meaning. I see a friend once every 3 months or so, and I talk to 2 friends online, but I still feel empty from insufficient friend socialization. I spend my day doing my hobbies, but I still feel like my life is meaningless without close friends or girlfriend. I feel like I'm wasting my life this way, and not really living. The problem is, it's hard to find friends to connect with.
I'm exactly the same.
 

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Teletubbie
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I'm exactly the same.
I always wanted a girlfriend (still do). I feel like I'm empty without a girlfriend, I feel like a gf would fix things. But the thing is, it won't really. Multiple people have said this, I don't exactly believe them, but on the other hand I do. I mean, I have some friends, some good ones too, but I still feel empty sometimes: 'Why don't I have more friends? I want more good friends'.
The problem with me (and probably most people) is that once I get what I want, I still feel kinda empty, so I must need more of them, right? Not exactly. The problem with emptiness has to be fixed from the inside, not from the outside (friends/gf/etc.). I think you just have to love who you are, be proud of who you are/what you've done. Once you're happy/fulfilled from the inside, others can see that you're an amazing human being, you'll almost automatically attract friends without thinking of it.

"Don't waste time chasing butterflies, mend your garden and the butterflies will come." - Unknown

I hope this made any sense and hopefully it helps you in some sort of way :)
 

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I always wanted a girlfriend (still do). I feel like I'm empty without a girlfriend, I feel like a gf would fix things. But the thing is, it won't really. Multiple people have said this, I don't exactly believe them, but on the other hand I do. I mean, I have some friends, some good ones too, but I still feel empty sometimes: 'Why don't I have more friends? I want more good friends'.
The problem with me (and probably most people) is that once I get what I want, I still feel kinda empty, so I must need more of them, right? Not exactly. The problem with emptiness has to be fixed from the inside, not from the outside (friends/gf/etc.). I think you just have to love who you are, be proud of who you are/what you've done. Once you're happy/fulfilled from the inside, others can see that you're an amazing human being, you'll almost automatically attract friends without thinking of it.

"Don't waste time chasing butterflies, mend your garden and the butterflies will come." - Unknown

I hope this made any sense and hopefully it helps you in some sort of way :)
You've made a great point. Thanks. :)
 

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I lost my best friend after middle school , but I guess it was my fault cuz I didn't contact her all summer. At that point I knew I had social anxiety. High school was terrile and lonely. Haha I still ave 0 friends. But whatever life is strange and cruel and unfair.
 
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