I totally understand what you mean. I've learned that the only person you can really depend on is yourself. That sounds depressing but I really don't feel that people are reliable and maybe it's not anybodies fault, because why would they want to stick around someone who's not benefiting them anymore? Perhaps we're all responsible for our own well being, but it would be nice to know that there was someone you could depend on and would try to understand what you're going through.Losing close friends because of our afflictions really opens up the mind and allows us to see the world from a new perspective. Those strong bonds we thought we had with another human being turned out to be not so strong after all. I don't blame my friends for leaving me, I would also leave me given the state I was in. What really hurt was how soon they left. I thought they would at least try to understand my situation, but all they did was become insulted and offended by my behavior towards them, like I was being that way on purpose or something. Every time I put myself through hell to fully recover and become normal I can't help but wonder, is it worth it? If I do end up making friends again and if someday I relapse into that ****ty state I was once in, exactly how long before these so called friends leave me? I don't think I can go through that again.