Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Brooklynprof
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have recently been turned on by a colleague who has been close both professionally and personally. i tried to address this with her, without success. Others had told me she was egotistical and not trustworthy but i thought we had built a genuine friendship over a couple of years, that, in fact, we had each others' backs.

I feel awful. I need to stop trying to think what i could have done differently--i don't think i caused or exacerbated the situation.

unfortunately we serve on committees together, with the result i can't really cut off from email with her--i get coldly/blandly professional messages. i would rather just not speak or write to her; however these committees are not about her and me. they're about others.

i feel manipulated and troubled.

thanks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154,233 Posts
Welcome, BrooklynProf! :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
74 Posts
Sounds stressful...

Hi.

Is this someone you would actually like to continue a friendship with or are you anxious because you have to continue dealing with her professionally?

Obviously I don't know much about the situation. If you would like to continue the friendship, approach her gently about what happened between the two of you. Otherwise, reassure yourself that you did the best you could in the situation and use an impersonal, professional approach in your future interactions. You don't need any more pain.
 

·
Brooklynprof
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for your nice message.

both--ideally, i would not like to lose the friendship, but i must deal with her professionally in whatever case.

she wrote me an unkind and condescending email. when i called to tell her her words had offended and hurt me, she said she knew, she used them on purpose. That kind of took my breath away. the conversation ended.

i wrote to say i was hurt and offended but will not write again. i dont know what other efforts at reconciliation i can make.

She is or was a close friend, and it will be a loss. But not sure whether a real relationship can continue. she's a brilliant but strange person--she can be controlling and capricious, but I had always been able to bring her around. and she can be truly generous and fun.

I believe everyone else I know either maintains a certain distance with her, or greatly dislikes and distrusts her. This does not augur that well for the situation.

thanks again.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
177,223 Posts
Hey brooklynprof welcome. :hyper
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top