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The main thoughts that come into my mind in social situations is that i must look so grumpy and unapproachable, and people have told me this before things like you look so sad and why dont you smile ect

fake smiling is very difficult and painful at the same time so that definatly doesnt help does anybody know what i can do?
 

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Well, on the bright side, you are a guy, and I feel like people accept 'grumpy' looking guys as just tough or whatever whereas with girls, they just plain think you're a *****. Still, I know the feeling.

I have a similar thing where I just look scared and super innocent all the time. Like- I look so timid it makes people not want to talk to me because they think they'll freak me out. Part of it is just my face-- my eyebrows are not thick in the middle, and they curve down a bit so I have this scared puppy facial expression, plus my eyes do the same slant out and down thing. It's embarrassing.

What I think you could do, is start wearing clothes that start conversations. This is something that helped me a lot to combat my scared puppy face. Since I love music, I wear band tees a lot and then people with similar music taste will come up and be like, "Yeah, Nirvana ftw" or whatever. Huge difference. Another thing that helps is carrying something interesting with me. One time I had my guitar with me and was walking around downtown with it. Soooo many people just walked up to me and started chatting about music and asking me to play and several people even offered to start a band with me (I live in an area with a lot of friendly weirdos). So now sometimes at school if I am reading a book, I carry it out so someone will ask about it, or if I'm waiting around, I'll do some creative writing and then take a break with my notepad still out so I not only look available to speak to but also interesting. It's much easier than changing your natural facial expression and surprisingly effective.
 

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People are always telling me I need to smile more, and then when I try to, they say "That's not a real smile!", and then I tell them to go **** themselves, except that I'm too chicken**** to actually say such a thing, so I just wallow in resentment and reënforce the whole problem. Hooray.
 

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I think I'm in the same boat as you, where I give off a "grumpy" look or a "stay away from me" look, when I honestly don't mean too.. It is very hard for me to fake smile also, I think it's just one of those things you have to practice.. Every time you walk by another person just try and smile, that's what I've been doing lately, it is harder than it sounds actually, but I try to smile to everyone I walk past at work.
 

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I think it's because for people who have social anxiety socializing is an effort, thus it seems like work, thus the grumpy face. Personally I don't like the advice to force the smiling or smile around at everyone because I don't want SA to lead me towards mental insanity (someone smiling at everyone he sees on the street in a busy city is a loony). i.e Don't overcompensate because of SA it will only make things harder. The way I see this ''grumpy face'' issue improving naturally on it's own is if we finally become happy and comfortable in social settings (no tension, no anxiety). So only way out is to keep going through painful situations (exposure...) until you start getting better at them and finally one day it won't be as difficult and uncomfortable. Your body will start understanding it can relax in such situations and the grumpy face will go away on it's own for you will be laid back.
 

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Well, on the bright side, you are a guy, and I feel like people accept 'grumpy' looking guys as just tough or whatever whereas with girls, they just plain think you're a *****. Still, I know the feeling.
^this.

I've been told this many times. That I always look annoyed, even angry, and that I look like a b****.

But then.

When I have to talk.

They realize I'm a pathetically shy person.

:(
I think I look pathetically shy all the time, but I guess not, not sure which one I prefer.
 

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When I was younger I used to smile at people and get embarrassed or angry when they wouldn't smile back. One day, I looked at the mirror while I was "smiling". I realized that my "smile" was basically my lips pressed tightly against each other in this awful grimace. I had no idea. T_T I cringe to think of those days.

So yeah, I know how annoying it is when people tell you to smile or look happy for them, and it's easy to be angry that people don't understand. But it's not really their fault. If someone frowned at you you'd probably make some unfair judgements and want to keep your distance too. And deep down you know you don't want to scare people off before they even get to know you. You just gotta practice that fake smile in the mirror until it starts to look real.
 
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