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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I'm 29 and my closest source of support has always been my older sister.

She recently got into a relationship, and although I don't like the guy, I accept it. I also accept the fact that she'll probably get married someday and live a normal life like so many other people.

I can't really talk to my other family members anymore and I don't have friends. Well, the one girl I could relate to moved many states away. I feel like I just keep losing everything. My family was kind of my everything, I also considered myself family-oriented, and I stupidly never thought the day would come when I wouldn't have them.

I understand that the day will come when I will lose my sister, too. We already aren't as close anymore.

But with my anxiety, I don't actively meet new people. It's so rare that I meet someone who I connect with and meeting someone that I can hopefully form a lifelong friendship with -- I don't know if I ever will.

It's not fair for me to be sad about losing my sis -- she has to live her own life, I understand that -- but it's scary for me. Someday, I'll just be the abnormal one who is alone. Not finding it easy to talk to other people, I will just be alone.

It is messed up. I know I need to make friends, I know I fear being alone, yet I still lack the motivation/courage to put myself out there, to try. I guess the problem is that I have lost faith in ever meeting anyone who I can be close to, who I can share my life with (whether that be friend or romantic partner).

And I think, is this all? Is this all my life was meant to be? Just me, by myself, getting judged by others for acting differently, for having social anxiety. Just me, getting left behind.

I'm afraid of you all thinking that I'm being selfish. I would never try to prevent my family members/friends from pursuing whatever makes them happy. It's just, I realize this also means that I'll end up alone.
 

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You're not being selfish.

It's natural to be sad about losing the only person you feel close to (if it happens, hopefully it won't).

If your sister gets married and has kids, her family will take up a lot of her time and attention, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you will lose her completely. The fact that you two are in the 30 year old age range and still relatively close is a good sign. A lot of siblings drift apart in their teens.
 

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Irreversibly Invisible
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I know the feeling. My siblings don't have significant others, but we've definitely grown more distant over time. I feel like they all have their own lives and are too busy for me. Like you, I can accept that. It's not fair to place the burden of my SA on them. But it is scary and sad to know that I'm going to end up alone.

The only thing that gives me any comfort at all is the thought that, no matter what happens, my siblings are always going to know me best. I don't think that's ever going to change, no matter what happens in the future.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you to both of you for replying :) Some days, I am more hopeful, and I think today is one of those days, maybe because I was able to express myself on here :D
 

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Lost In Translation
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Hey Celestine! I definitely don't think you're being selfish. You genuinely do sound like you're happy for your sister, and I think it's totally understandable to be a little sad about seeing other people move along in life while you are left feeling...well, stuck. Trust me, I'm in the same boat! :D I guess I can relate because I'm around the same age as you, I no longer have much of a family (I too never imagined not having my family available as a support system), I can't say I have too many true friends left and I all too often wonder if I'm going to end up the only person not achieving the husband, kids and house with a white picket fence and possibly a dog or cat running around lol. I think it's sort of naturally difficult at times for people our age because the opportunities to meet like minded people don't seem to be as plentiful as they were back in school, you know? People at work aren't exactly "friends", and then the people you meet out and about might have significant others or kids already...it's not always as simple as meeting someone you click with. So if you add any degree of social anxiety onto that, you can start to become a little concerned about the act of meeting new people--friends or otherwise (at least I do!). Hopefully there's more to all of this life stuff than simply staying alone, especially if that's the last thing you want to do. Where there's a will there's a way, so if you want to break out of it, I certainly hope you'll find a means :)
 
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