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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
from pof.com. I am very happy but also incredibly nervous.

Just some background, I'm 25 and I've only had one girlfriend, which ended a month ago (I was 24). I've gone on a date with only one or two other girls, and those never went anywhere. Needless to say this is a rare occurrence, so I'm putting a ton of unnecessary pressure on myself.

Anyway, really excited but hopefully I can pull it together and really do well this weekend. :um Anyone else have any dates this weekend? I would love to talk strategy haha.
 

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Quartzfiend
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I've decided that by the time I graduate college and find a career, if I have not yet found a real relationship, I will turn to places like pof.com and try my hand there as well. Let us know how it turns out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
So pof.com really works?! *signs up*

Congrats! But what will happen if you end up liking both girls? Will you choose to see the girl you feel most compatible with? Or will you not choose and see BOTH at the same?! :eek::b
You're a girl, so you'll get plenty of messages from tons of random creepers, don't you worry about a thing :)

And if I end up liking them both and by some miracle they like me (i'm looking at you god), I'll keep seeing them if/until it gets really serious with one or the other. Nothing wrong with dating multiple girls, just as long as there's no exclusive relationship yet.

I've decided that by the time I graduate college and find a career, if I have not yet found a real relationship, I will turn to places like pof.com and try my hand there as well. Let us know how it turns out.
I will.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Okay so date 1 is over. It went pretty well, but I didn't kiss her, unfortunately. Let me first say that pictures did not do this girl justice. She was GORGEOOOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Luckily I got over that quickly and wasn't too nervous about it. I asked her questions about what she was talking about, made jokes when appropriate. We went for a walk and sat down on a bench...I had my arm around her for a while...there was a good amount of physical contact. Even when we were walking to the parking lot I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder and ran to the car...she was laughing and everything. When we got the car we hugged twice and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She can't hang out during the week due to her job (not a lie, I knew about that beforehand), so if we do hang out again, which she did agree to, it would be next weekend. A long time to wait to make up for a missed opportunity.

Why did I make that one mistake? I have no angst about making physical contact, but I just did not feel like it was right here. Yes, I made her laugh a bunch of times, but I wasn't "perfect". My flirting skills were a bit off, and I felt like I didn't live up to my potential. Because I beat MYSELF up I couldn't go through with a kiss, even though her perception of me could have been completely different. Because I didn't feel like I was good enough for my own wacked out standards, I wussed out.

And really, what did I have to lose? I don't kiss her, I either never see her again or I have to wait to try again. Girls know if they like a guy in 2 seconds anyway, so I could have taken a chance and it either paid off or it didn't. AT LEAST I would have KNOWN one way or the other. Now I have to sit and wonder. God I'm such a **** **** *** ***** *****ing **** ***** ******.

Oh well, round 2 tomorrow.
 

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Freedom is lurking
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^ I lol'ed. The age old question: when to kiss a girl ;)
All I have to say is, well done! I don't think I'd be able to go for so much physical contact on a first date, but from what you say, she clearly liked it!

Do keep us posted! :yes
 

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All Kinds of Awesome
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I'm really proud of you! I am living through you vicariously at this moment!

It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and you should focus on the fact that you even made the effort rather than dwell on what you could or could not have done. If it's meant to be, I am sure she will understand that you're a little shy and it's no big deal. Shyness can be a good thing, really. There's a sweetness that comes across.

cool things that you have done:
---made a lot of physical contact
---followed through on the date
---kissed her cheek
---flirted
---be awesome
 

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I might have social anxiety but if all the signs were there I'd do the kissing! When to kiss a girl? When her lips are on yours, you'd better kiss back. But since the opportunity rarely comes along and most girls, I guess, don't take the initiative I suppose you're not going to have to figure it out.

I got tired of waiting around to see if guys would kiss me. I think I've been asked once "can I kiss you?" And that was kind of amazing. I decided for the most part though, I'd never get kissed if I didn't start it myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks for the responses guys, this makes me feel so much better. In fact, in retrospect I may have made the right move. A girl who meets you online may have a ton of reservations and concerns...for all she knew I could have been a serial killer or some scumbag just trying to get laid. Kissing her on the cheek shows that I'm not all about sex, I'm not desperate, and I respect her. Hopefully she didn't think I was too much of a wuss...the picking her up thing probably helped gain me some man points. Also, she texted me the next day (today) to say good morning!

The one thing that still bugs me, even though the date went fine, is that this girl, as mentioned, is gorgeous. I mean, Idon'tknowwhatthehellshewasdoingonpof.com GORGEOUS. On top of that she's extremely sweet, so it's hard to stop thinking about her. THAT being said, if this were a year ago, I would probably have been suicidal if she didn't text me back after 3 minutes. Now, I can totally deal and even if I never saw her again it wouldn't kill me. It would be nice to hang out with her more, but if not - I know I'll be fine. Either way, I'll definitely keep you posted on this girl.

Anyways, girl #2 in a little over an hour. I'm pretty nervous, but I'll just try my best to relax and have a good time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Threw her over your shoulder? Dang that is a pimp move. Your new name is pimpMo
hahahahaha thanks man. Before we got up I jokingly asked her to carry me to the parking lot, and she joked back that it should be the other way around. Next thing she knew she was in the air. Btw I'm from Connecticut too, what's up man?

Anyways, date #2 is complete. I can't believe it, but I made out with this girl. She was pretty, tall, and fun. We gelled pretty early on and we were laughing and having a good time. This is only the second girl I've ever hooked up with.

Why did I make out with this girl when I was so indecisive last night? Well, I had more confidence tonight. My thoughts were flowing so well, I just got into a groove. I think I went in with a good attitude, the conversation just started at a good clip, she liked my sense of humor, and eventually it just became easy to goof around. By the end of the night, we were sitting next to each other, I had my arm around her, and our legs were touching. But that wasn't quite enough. What really made me SURE that I could go for it was when I pretended to catch a fly. I put my fist near her as if I were about to let the fly go right in her face (of course I wasn't), and she grabbed my hand and tried to push it away. We had a little tug of war action going on and then I opened my first right near her. Of course there was nothing in my hand, but it was just funny. That physical contact made me sure I could do it. Later I asked her, "what's that?" and pointed behind her. When she turned her head, then turned it back again to face me and ask what I was talking about, I just went for the ol' smoocheroo.

Very happy right now. Unfortunately, I'm more into the first girl then the second girl but I'm certainly not going to waste your time complaining about that. Will keep everyone updated, thanks for the support!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S...there were times tonight I almost didn't feel like I had SA. A few awkward silences crept in and I could feel the SA filter seeping in over my eyes, but generally I would combat it by making a joke and sharing a laugh with her. It would just push the SA away, keep it at bay, even though it really wanted to take me over. Quite a weird feeling, but I think if you work hard at it enough and just keep training yourself to push away the anxiety, over the years it will go away more and more. Of course, a lot of work yet to be done, but this was just a great, great weekend overall that will be another battle won in the war against SA.
 

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All Kinds of Awesome
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Thanks for the responses guys, this makes me ...THAT being said, if this were a year ago, I would probably have been suicidal if she didn't text me back after 3 minutes. Now, I can totally deal and even if I never saw her again it wouldn't kill me. It would be nice to hang out with her more, but if not - I know I'll be fine. Either way, I'll definitely keep you posted on this girl.

Anyways, girl #2 in a little over an hour. I'm pretty nervous, but I'll just try my best to relax and have a good time.
This is a really, really great attitude and it is an excellent foundation for a relationship. It reminds me of this song (It contains explict lyrics):

...I think it's OK for you to say that you don't have SAD: I don't anymore. Although I could probably be classified as socially avoidant. A diagnosis is there for you to makes sense of and understand symptoms, it isn't a life-long sentence. By constantly forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone, you're probably more outgoing than you realize. You're probably more outgoing than*gasp* the 'normal' people. Does that mean you don't have to deal with anxiety and shyness? No. It just means that you are no longer crippled by it. Now get the he11 off this forum... :b J/K. I need, we need, the inspiration!
 

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Freedom is lurking
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^ Lol.

You can't imagine how much I'd like to be in your shoes right now, rymo. That is truly inspirational! I wish you the best!
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Since Sunday night I've been having major anxiety...to the point where I can barely breath and I even had to leave work early yesterday because I felt like hell. I don't know why. I have one girl who I like who continues to text me, that I will more than likely see this weekend. The other girl I also like, and I will call her tonight to hang out tomorrow. What the hell is the problem? I haven't had such intense panic-type anxiety like this in years and years. Maybe I'm just not used to having this kind of social success, it's like it's just hitting me like a battering ram. I can't even concentrate at work. I probably sound like a baby or something, because who wouldn't want this situation...but that's why this feeling is all the more strange to me.
 

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Freedom is lurking
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To be honest, I'd be surprised if you weren't anxious. Even normal people would be nervous in that situation. In your situation, I'd be a nervous wreck for sure
Let's face it, you have probably built up your expectations based on how well your dates went, that you now feel pressured to live up to them. But, remember, it's ok! You were yourself with both girls, so you have nothing to worry about. You still have nothing to lose!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
To be honest, I'd be surprised if you weren't anxious. Even normal people would be nervous in that situation. In your situation, I'd be a nervous wreck for sure
Let's face it, you have probably built up your expectations based on how well your dates went, that you now feel pressured to live up to them. But, remember, it's ok! You were yourself with both girls, so you have nothing to worry about. You still have nothing to lose!
Thanks, man. I actually got through work today so it's getting better. Unfortunately, girl [of my dreams] #1 hasn't texted me yet today...I'm sure she's just busy, but of course today I end up over-analyzing the last text I sent her, which I sent last night: did she think it was creepy? Was I being too nice? bla bla bla. It paralyzes me. Ugh...maybe I'm more into her than I thought. It's true that I don't have anything to lose, but she is stunning and I just don't want to blow the opportunity (which doesn't come along very often). At least I know I'm trying my best - I'm certainly not being pushy at all, in fact I haven't texted her once unless she has texted me first. :um
 
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