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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Wasn't sure whether to put this under this forum or coping with anxiety, anyway...

So not too long again I decided to put a profile out on some free dating site. More of a curiosity thing. Surprisingly I actually got quite a few messages. I can usually message back and forth for a while, but the communication eventually dies. I think it's partially because I'm just awkward to talk with or I let it go on too long and they lose interest. I'd say on average if I initiated a message to someone, 80% of the time I would get a response back. A few times they've actually given me their phone number and asked to text them. I thought it was kinda weird because I never ask for anyone's number.

I know I should just text them, but I feel really awkward and nervous doing it. I don't know the person well at all, what the hell do I even say?? =/ I'm actually more comfortable talking in person than I am over the phone. I've never even bothered with texting people before...lol. Seems like it's pretty common for people my age to do, but I never really got into it...mostly because I don't know anyone I guess :p

Is it somewhat common for someone to just give their number like that after messaging only a few times? How long do you usually take to get to know someone from a site like that before giving a number/trying to call them/meeting up?
 

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It's not uncommon people give out numbers early on through dating sites or in real life for that matter because it's really not that big of an issue. When you think about it, people give out numbers all the time. When I was on plentyoffish there for a while I received over 20 numbers and only four or five seemed halfway serious. Most give out numbers like they do their information on their profiles nonchalantly. However, some do prefer to email or IM back and forth a while before they feel comfortable giving out their numbers.

I'm no expert at dating but you probably shouldn't worry about what to say even though your nervous. You see, from my experience (especially online) there are so many people who don't take dating seriously enough to actively pursue anything meaningful. Some actually get on for the sheer fun of flirting, are too busy, trying to boost their esteem, or because their parents told them to (no joke). Therefore, why stress over what your going to say? I realized that if someone really wants to date you or get to know you it doesn't really matter what you say just as long as your not a jerk or perverted or whatever extreme case it may be. So just say "Hi" if that's all you can come up with and just follow up with questions. If they are interested they'll continue communicating with you with or without you showing signs of nervousness.

Online dating is a fast but unpredictable resource to meet people. Some people stay on these sites for years without finding one person! I remember getting a number everyday being on plentyoffish for about 2 weeks straight. Most of them faded out without dates very quickly, literally within a few days because lack of interest and effort on their part. It was amazing how precisely each girl just seemed to do the EXACT thing the EXACT same way, and finally after trying to figure out if it was me or not I came to the realization it's not. I'm not trying to detour you from online dating but just giving you my experience even though your experience may end up being positive, but for the most part it seems pretty unpredictable. Some women literally get so much email that they become EXTREMELY picky to where hot men are discarded for some of the most minor instances, all of which would be completely different in real life. Quality over quantity becomes very apparent after being on dating sites after a while. Still, this isn't to say you can't meet someone online.

I also wouldn't advise getting into texting too much because it can delusion any sort of interaction you have. I would say call her if you want the best results because you can literally texts for weeks without knowing if someone is interested or not, whereas you can call one or twice and find out that much faster. GL!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Haha way to go Chad! Got the digits! lol It's funny coz I thought before I want to talk to you on the phone.. but then I thought nah i'm too much of a social retard & i'm too scared & I don't know what to say.. lol I think it depends how quickly you get to know the person & how well you hit it off. You should try callin the person who gave you their number if you like them alot! Good luck!
Aww...thanks! Yeah, I'm just better in person because then I can see and react to facial expressions, gestures, etc. I'm more perceptive that way than I can be over the phone. I probably wouldn't have a phone if it wasn't for work...haha.

I dunno though. This whole thing really makes me think that I need to deal with my other problems before bothering with this. There's a long list of things for me to work on...lol.

Thanks for the advice though you two.
 

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I would just let them know that you need more time to get to know them before you feel comfortable on the phone. There are actually still some girls out there that find that attractive.
 

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Some people skip the phone part and just meet in person. If that works better for you why not do that in a public place somewhere?
I'm so old that I remember when personal ads consisted of ink on sheets of wood pulp. Back then in the mid to late 1990s one got a phone # immediately when someone replied to your ad via voicemail. Cold calling somebody you've never talked with before is an SA nightmare that I had to relive time & time again.

And I got some really fun ones like the underage girl who had her mother pick up and then the mother is interrogating me as if I'm a perv. Her message failed to tell me she was under 18 and I can't guess by voice -- I've heard from women in their 30s and even 40s that sound 16, so how the hell am I supposed to guess? I also got the message left as a dare -- presumably done by drunken college girls who are betting "you won't leave that guy your number" and then she freaks out as if I'm the psycho for returning her call. Then there was the one who left me a phone number that belongs to some very elderly couple -- yet another fun conversation there.

Even when not a joke I've talked to some loons. One had a lovely hour long conversation with me and we planned to talk again. Things went great. I call back two days later and she's turned so paranoid about meeting that she bites my head off as soon as I say "hi" and demands that I not call her. From seemingly sane to psycho within 48 hrs.
 

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I guess I must be really SA. I'd want to keep the "conversation" email only for at least a couple of months. I don't do that texting crap and don't have a cell phone. There's no way I'm giving some stranger my home phone #.
 

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Wasn't sure whether to put this under this forum or coping with anxiety, anyway...

So not too long again I decided to put a profile out on some free dating site. More of a curiosity thing. Surprisingly I actually got quite a few messages. I can usually message back and forth for a while, but the communication eventually dies. I think it's partially because I'm just awkward to talk with or I let it go on too long and they lose interest. I'd say on average if I initiated a message to someone, 80% of the time I would get a response back. A few times they've actually given me their phone number and asked to text them. I thought it was kinda weird because I never ask for anyone's number.

I know I should just text them, but I feel really awkward and nervous doing it. I don't know the person well at all, what the hell do I even say?? =/ I'm actually more comfortable talking in person than I am over the phone. I've never even bothered with texting people before...lol. Seems like it's pretty common for people my age to do, but I never really got into it...mostly because I don't know anyone I guess :p

Is it somewhat common for someone to just give their number like that after messaging only a few times? How long do you usually take to get to know someone from a site like that before giving a number/trying to call them/meeting up?
I would call, it's not like anything bad could happen over the phone. :)
 

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Good luck. :)

Some people skip the phone part and just meet in person. If that works better for you why not do that in a public place somewhere?
I actually met someone from a dating site a few weeks ago. We did that. Swapped numbers pretty early on and then texted and met up.
 

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If you don't like the phone (I'm the same as you -- I hate talking on the phone..), I'd say call her up, set up the date, and get off ASAP using whatever excuse suits the situation. There's no rule that says you have to stay on the phone and chat.

Me, I wouldn't do any texting at all. It's too impersonal. I'd rank it below even email and whatever messaging system your dating site uses.

I'd tell her right from the get-go: I'm not big on texting; I'll call you. It shouldn't be a big deal to her.

Oh, and I wouldn't give out my phone number too quickly (mainly because I'm so uncomfortable on the phone :lol - safety issues are secondary). I'd just as soon skip the phone altogether and go directly from email to meeting (in a public place).
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I'm too shy to call someone I don't really know over the phone like that =/ I just told them I was too shy and just kinda let the conversation die. Well, at least I was honest...lol. Yeah, I'm a wuss :eek:ops

I'm trying to work on my SA issues before trying to meet people like that. I should probably cancel my account, because now someone else gave me their number to text them. I know it's an irrational thing to be worried about doing, but I have low confidence/self-esteem.
 

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I'm too shy to call someone I don't really know over the phone like that =/ I just told them I was too shy and just kinda let the conversation die. Well, at least I was honest...lol. Yeah, I'm a wuss :eek:ops

I'm trying to work on my SA issues before trying to meet people like that. I should probably cancel my account, because now someone else gave me their number to text them. I know it's an irrational thing to be worried about doing, but I have low confidence/self-esteem.
Your call, man. Maybe perhaps working on other things to build your confidence? Perhaps making more friends and scheduling events, stuff like that? Either way, whenever I used to get numbers I overanalyzed everything so if your getting numbers your doing something right obviously! You may just be one of those people who don't like to talk on the phone much -- I know I don't. If you do decide on calling this person maybe you can write some questions you'd like to know about her ahead of time and then ask her and when those are over ask if she'd like to meet up at a park or your place for movies? It's awkward all the way around but that's just how it is. I'm not trying to make you do something you don't want to do, but if you try you may be pleasantly surprised and hopefully you'll learn something from it and build some confidence. Things will work themselves out if you give them the opportunity! Whatever your decision, wish you the best :)
 

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I'm too shy to call someone I don't really know over the phone like that =/ I just told them I was too shy and just kinda let the conversation die. Well, at least I was honest...lol. Yeah, I'm a wuss :eek:ops

I'm trying to work on my SA issues before trying to meet people like that. I should probably cancel my account, because now someone else gave me their number to text them. I know it's an irrational thing to be worried about doing, but I have low confidence/self-esteem.
Man don't tell them that you're too shy. You have the computer as your safety valve. You should have just said you were busy or something. I absolutely hate talking on the phone, so if I want to contact someone, I'll text them myself. I don't think it would hurt to say "whats up" or something if she told you to text her.
 

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I'm too shy to call someone I don't really know over the phone like that =/ I just told them I was too shy and just kinda let the conversation die. Well, at least I was honest...lol. Yeah, I'm a wuss :eek:ops

I'm trying to work on my SA issues before trying to meet people like that. I should probably cancel my account, because now someone else gave me their number to text them. I know it's an irrational thing to be worried about doing, but I have low confidence/self-esteem.
I understand! I'm the same way! :S I hope you don't delete ur SAS account! You're like my fave person on here! I'm havin same problem with ppl who want to talk with me just in messages & i'm not even comfortable with that!! lol
 
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