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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
...or, at least, tell my GP about my depression, and accept meds if they're offered.

I was always so determined not to take anything, because I dont' trust the companies that make them, and so many people seem to get worse, or get nasty side-effects, and some of them apparently make you worse for the first week or so. Then you have to come off the meds, and that's no fun either.

I'm terrified of all the above, and i'm also terrified that my doctor might want to section me if I'm honest about the extent of my suicidal thoughts (I have a plan and the means to carry it out). Should I lie, and say "well, I think about suicide, but I'd never actually do it?" I don't want to lie to my doctor, but there's no way in hell I'm up for getting treated against my will.

OK, you can make House jokes now :)
 

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nm jc
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Remember doctors want the best for you so I think you should just state your case and say something along the lines of "I also did some research and found (x medicine) to be effective. Would you mind giving me a try?"

Getting prescribed meds isnt as scary as your making it out to be.

Good luck!
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks, Raptors. I think I'll just let my doctor decide which pills would be right to try. I need to hear that it's not as scary as I think, thanks!
 

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ಠ ¿ ಠ
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Well hey, if you're not afraid of getting bruises or giving blood, then what's a little ol' pill gonna do to you?

: D
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Cheers for the positive attitde, Zeddicus! Thing is, I understand the bruise on my arm, it doesn't hurt, and I know it'll go away. I don't understand what the heck is going on in my head, and I'm scared of making it worse...
 

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I think you should be honest with your doc. I know that's scary, but the alternative is scarier (more scary?).

Tell someone in a position to help what you're thinking about.
 

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I tried Wellbutrin and Celexa at one time and they were dismal failures for me. I dont take anything now, the side effects of those kind of pills arent worth it to me. But some people really can benefit from them. I hope it works out for you, better than it did for me.
 

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If you admit suicidal plans, the doctor may be very hesitant or even unwilling to prescribe most, if not all antidepressants and instead lean towards the inpatient route. This is because some initially worsen depression in most people (SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs) and are linked to suicide.

Mirtazapine doesn't seem to worsen depression in the beginning weeks, and is readily available, but if you are seeing a regular ol' GP I doubt they'll know specifics like that. I'm not sure how liable it is to cause suicidality, but I doubt it can be as bad as SSRIs/SNRIs or MAOIs. For me it worked from the first pill, then built upwards.

It's a very hard decision; telling them what you said would likely be counter-productive, but taking a high dose of SSRI, for example, may well be the thing that turns suicidal plans into actions. The first few weeks of potent, fast-acting SSRI treatment I would not wish on my worst enemy. SNRIs I've heard are even worse.

One thing's for sure: a suicidal person taking [the majority of] antidepressants unsupervised is a very bad idea.
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Cheers, euphoria, you're mostly confirming what I thought. Except, wouldnt my doctor try to get me to go into hospital voluntarily? Not sure how I feel about that. I don't really have enough information - would I be treated decently, like an adult? would I be able to read my books? Would I be able to take my laptop, would I be allowed internet access? I suppose I wouldn't be allowed to go for a walk in case I threw myself under a but, but if I was determined to leave, would I be able to? Would I be able to exercise? Would I be protected from violent people?
 

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Cheers, euphoria, you're mostly confirming what I thought. Except, wouldnt my doctor try to get me to go into hospital voluntarily? Not sure how I feel about that. I don't really have enough information - would I be treated decently, like an adult? would I be able to read my books? Would I be able to take my laptop, would I be allowed internet access? I suppose I wouldn't be allowed to go for a walk in case I threw myself under a but, but if I was determined to leave, would I be able to? Would I be able to exercise? Would I be protected from violent people?
Sorry, I have no experience with this.
 

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If a person already has a plan on how to end it's life and the means to carry it out, it should strictly be treated in a psychiatric ward. Sedating drugs like 1) benzos (lorazepam, diazepam), 2) low potency antipsychotics and 3) sedating antidepressants like trazodone are being used first to lower the risk of self-harm. You should tell your doc the truth, otherwise he can't treat you right. Prescribing eg. SSRIs/SNRIs outpatient can increase the risk of suicide as the activating effect sets in earlier as the antidepressant effect, giving patients more energy but still leaving them suicidal (or making their condition even worse) in the beginning so they could now put their life-ending plans into practice. Depression can be treated with good results and you can feel better soon, please read this and get help as soon as possible: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I don't want to be force fed drugs! I know about the increased risk of suicide taking SSRIs /SNRIs as an outpatient, I don't want that either. I'm so miserable and terrified right now.
 

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Buried at Sea
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My understanding (at least how it works in Canada) is that if a doctor feels that there is a significant risk that you might hurt yourself, they are to put you on a Form 1 (I'm sure the name and process will be slightly different where you are), which allows them to hospitalize you against your will for up to 3 days. Even if you go to the hospital voluntarily, they can decide to change the voluntariness of your stay at any time if they feel there is a significant risk of suicide.

However, being in the hospital against your will does NOT allow them to treat you against your will. Determining whether you are fit to make decisions regarding your own treatment can be quite a long process and is not the same as being formed. Based on the fact that you are writing coherent sentences, you are capable of deciding the course of your treatment.

I had a bad experience years ago when I told a doctor about my suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately, that's when I found out about involuntary hospitalization. After that, I swore I would never tell another doctor about any kind of thoughts like that, but I realize now that he was mostly just a dick. You need to be honest with yourself and evaluate where you're at with the thoughts and urges. If you feel that you would be safer in a hospital then go (which is something I never thought I'd say). Don't wait for things to get really bad.
 

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Buried at Sea
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Cheers, euphoria, you're mostly confirming what I thought. Except, wouldnt my doctor try to get me to go into hospital voluntarily? Not sure how I feel about that. I don't really have enough information - would I be treated decently, like an adult? would I be able to read my books? Would I be able to take my laptop, would I be allowed internet access? I suppose I wouldn't be allowed to go for a walk in case I threw myself under a but, but if I was determined to leave, would I be able to? Would I be able to exercise? Would I be protected from violent people?
Depending on what kind of facilities they have.

If you're thinking of going voluntarily, then ask if you can see it first and ask if you can choose where you go.

My experience at the dedicated psych hospital was that you spend a day or two (or god forbid more) in the lock down unit (they usually give it some pretty-sounding name) where everyone gets assessed. Unfortunately, this unit is much like prison. The doors are locked, you turn in your belt and shoelaces, no hardcover books, no metal cutlery, no jewelry, nothing. Once you're out of there though, things are much better. You can have pretty much whatever you want and do (almost) whatever you want, including go outside and go out with friends and family to do whatever (the much vaunted "weekend pass").

My experience in the psych ward of a hospital was that it was a dank, dirty dungeon (literally. it was in the basement).

As to how you'll be treated? Some doctors/nurses are great and some aren't. Depends on who you get.
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Well, I'm still at large!

My GP was kind and helpful. She asked about how likely I was to "top myself," and I may have downplayed my risk slightly, but I was mostly honest. She prescribed me 10mgs Citalopram. The low starting dose is, I think, a nod to my fears about drugs making me worse. She'll probably increase the dose when I see her again in two weeks.

I'm feeling a lot better, though I think this is probably due to the fact that I'm getting treatment and I can see a way out. I know that it's fragile, this hope. A setback could bring it crashing down. But for now, I'm ok.

A much longer account of how the appointment went can be found on my personal blog.
 

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Buried at Sea
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Awesomeness!

I went recently to the doctor for almost the same thing, after avoiding it for a long time (don't remember if i wrote that up above, and I'm too lazy to check). It's been 6 weeks on effexor now and, while most days I dont feel any different, at least the fact that something has changed makes me feel slightly better about the future.

Good luck! I hope they kick in for you soon!
 
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