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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys, so I turned 21 a few months ago and finally decided to go to a nightclub. My friends that are 21 aren't in the state so my only option was to go alone.

Now I didn't think I had much of a problem with this because I don't find it necessarily embarassing and I generally don't have trouble talking to people but when I got there, it was just so painfully ackward. I didn't know what to do because everybody seemed to already be talking with somebody so I ordered a drink. The whole time I felt like everybody was judging me, at the very least people who saw me because girls looked away immediately and the bartender was giving me disdainful looks. It might have just been my own paranoia or maybe I was just dressed weird (wore blue flannel with blue skinny jeans, too hipster maybe?), or maybe they could tell I had a blank stare on and wasn't having a good time.

My biggest problem besides feeling like I couldn't talk to anybody was that everybody was acting so decadent. Now obviously this is a nightclub and that's kind've the point but it was just guys slapping girls asses, girls "joke" dry humping each other, people forgetting manners entirely, people being hyper agressive with each other, yelling, etc..etc... To a certain degree, and this may sound pretentious, these people barely acted like human beings. I enjoy drinking and talking with people and even hooking up to a degree, but acting like a baboon with rabies and a mental disorder doesn't seem fun to me.

So after awhile I noticed that a lot of cute girls were actually dancing in a corner of the club that I hadn't seen prior but they were all grinding and dry humping random guys or just dancing with each other and I felt a sudden rush of extra uncomfortableness. So I just left because I couldn't deal with that feeling.

I've never really been with a girl outside of hooking up at casual parties so I feel really weird when I see girls acting hyper-****ty like that. But at the same time I don't have any women in my life right now and I'd very much like to because I feel socially empty right now, especially with most of my social friends being gone.

So that was my first time at a club. Despite not liking it I want to keep trying and get better at it, I don't want to end up 50 years old and regretting not having a normal young adult life, even if that involves doing stupid **** because I think that's apart of life. But what do you guys suggest I try to do/work on?

Thanks for your time.
 

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Clubs are not my thing. Even if I didn't have social anxiety, it would not be something I was interested in. If I wanted to dance and get drunk I'd do it at home, and I'd enjoy myself a lot more. lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Clubs are not my thing. Even if I didn't have social anxiety, it would not be something I was interested in. If I wanted to dance and get drunk I'd do it at home, and I'd enjoy myself a lot more. lol
Sure but I'm doing it to try to pick up girls/meet new people. I agree if it was just for fun, I'd probably just play video games all day but that isn't socially fulfilling.
 

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Sure but I'm doing it to try to pick up girls/meet new people. I agree if it was just for fun, I'd probably just play video games all day but that isn't socially fulfilling.
Oh!! Right. The people. Haha...is it bad that I kinda forgot about that part? That's one of the things I need to work on. It's gotten to the point where I just don't care about meeting people. I don't even want to bother with it, because I've basically made my mind up about hating like 98% of the population. (Really need to work on that...)

But anyway, good for you for putting yourself out there. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Oh!! Right. The people. Haha...is it bad that I kinda forgot about that part? That's one of the things I need to work on. It's gotten to the point where I just don't care about meeting people. I don't even want to bother with it, because I've basically made my mind up about hating like 98% of the population. (Really need to work on that...)

But anyway, good for you for putting yourself out there. :)
Yea I know what you mean. I've always been fairly cynical, probably got it from my dad, and I overall don't like people but I realized if I ignore everybody I won't ever meet the people I do like, which would be a bigger shame than just getting annoyed at somebody I don't like.
 

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The more people you are with, the more fun you will have. Try going with friends or acquaintances from work, school, whatever. Or if you can integrate yourself into a group and change venue, its like insta-friends :) There's always a reason to go get hammered.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
The more people you are with, the more fun you will have. Try going with friends or acquaintances from work, school, whatever. Or if you can integrate yourself into a group and change venue, its like insta-friends :) There's always a reason to go get hammered.
Well I mentioned why that is difficult for me. However, do you think the issue is more so with being alone than my own psychi? I'm afraid even if I went with some friends I'd probably be even more afraid to do anything because it would be easier not to and just chill with them.
 

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You could be feeling like people are judging you when they really aren't. I feel like that often, it's just part of social anxiety.

You also have to take the club into consideration. Most big clubs with a lot of commercial events attract people just looking to hook up. Many people have a sitcom idea of what a club is supposed to be like/how to act at one. They're not all like that. If you happen to go when a good dj(s) is there, many people will be there just for the music. Those are the better crowds. Also, the people getting totally trashed are definitely the most awkward ones there. No one thinks they're cool.

Also keep in mind that they likely wouldn't be acting so uninhibited if they came alone. Like the above poster said, it's best to go with a friend(s) that you feel comfortable being uninhibited with. If going alone is your only option, I wouldn't go unless there's some kind of live music involved that you like. Get a little buzzed right before you arrive and nurse some beers throughout the night, but don't get wasted. Take it slow.
Text some friends or go on fb/Instagram/twitter or whatever so you look like you have a social life, but don't post anything you'll be embarrassed of. If clubs make you anxious and you're alone, don't take any drugs except maybe smoke some weed.

Also, clubs aren't for everyone. It's no big deal. Nightclubs and raves are just having a really big moment right now and a lot of people think it's the epitome of a social life. That's not true. You don't have to go to clubs to have friends or be fun and relevant. Nightclubs are overrated and usually really dumb. Even the cool ones eventually get taken over by annoying people, and when that happens, people go back to little dive bars and small events outside of a club setting.

Anyway, what's the point of going to a club if you're not enjoying yourself? Go to like an art show or something more low key instead. Less pressure to be social but also easier to strike up a conversation.
 

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wait so you made a SAS account because u had a bad time at the club ?
 

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Maybe try going with a few friends, definitely makes the experience a lot better and easier to meet new people. I've been on my own to clubs a couple of times but I knew some friends were already going to be there so it wouldn't be too bad. I know they aren't for everyone, but I do enjoy going to clubs as it allows me to have some fun without my brain going into overdrive (as it does in every non sober situation).
 

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I think it's so cool and ballsy of you to go to a club alone, I really admire that honestly. I know so many people who complain about their life, then do nothing to change it.

I think the more you go, the more comfortable you feel. I kind of wonder if it was in your head that people were that way, because maybe it was a small insecurity you had, so that's how you interpreted their looks?

I don't really have tips because I'm still too scared to go to a club alone at this point of my life, but I think it's something you could try googling and find things on. I mostly just wanted to comment because of how cool I think it is that you did that!
 

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Clubs are not really places that you want to be going alone. There's just no point. Unless you are especially gifted with charisma (no one here obviously) then there is little to no chance that you are going to have any kind of positive social interaction at one. And that is COMPLETELY NORMAL. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU if you can't go to a club by yourself and can't find women to dance with/flirt with/makeout with/whatever. NOTHING AT ALL. The social atmosphere of a club simply isn't one that caters to the lone wolf.
 

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I can't help you really since I've only been to three clubs in my life, and each time I went with a group of friends. When I went, the men there really didn't know how to keep their hands to themselves, but they probably think since I'm in a club I wouldn't mind. Ugh, I could never go alone because I need all my friends there to have my back, lol!

I personally feel if you have friends with you, if you find it hard to mingle with other people there, you'll always have your friends there and still have fun.
 

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I've definitely felt exactly what you described in your post. I'm not a big fan of nightclubs in general but the times I have enjoyed them have when I've gone with a large group and been fairly drunk before arriving.
 

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the only time id go alone to a club is if its a dj i really want to see and none of my friends can go. but honestly i see alot of people go to clubs alone and its not a big deal. 90% of the ppl there are out of their heads anyways
 

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1. props for going to a Club alone (with SA?!), not many people can do that, anxiety or not. I really think this is a big personal achivement for you, nomatter how the evening could have turned out.

2. I can give you right that some Clubs/bars are full of very obnoxious people, but I guess that is the style of the Club it self and not just 'people going out', so you should just find Clubs/bars that holds more of your kind of people.

3. dont be so judgemental Again. Just like men, women also love sex and the attention from the opposite sex, but that do not mean they are '****s without self-respect'.
 
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