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Over the past many years I've settled into a lifestyle where I basicly never leave the house. It's not that im agoraphobic really, maybe a tiny bit, but I just can't be bothered. I do not feel comfortable with other people and I don't like being outside. My girlfriend is pretty good about it. She always asks me to go with her to social things but expects me to say no.

The real huge problem in my life is that I can't get a job. Writing an application is very difficult for me because I feel that no one in their right mind would ever hire me, if I were honest in describing myself. Going to an interview would lower my chances even more. And worst of all, the thought of having to go somewhere with other people everyday completely horrifies me. At the moment I've been forced into some job training, after having been on disability for 2 years. I guess to test my tolerance to the real world. So far, it's been a nightmare.

If I could live on permanent disability, I could live the rest of my life without ever leaving my bedroom. But that's not what I want with my life. I desperately want to be able to feel the desire to go out and do things.. but I don't.
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