going out

Over the past many years I've settled into a lifestyle where I basicly never leave the house. It's not that im agoraphobic really, maybe a tiny bit, but I just can't be bothered. I do not feel comfortable with other people and I don't like being outside. My girlfriend is pretty good about it. She always asks me to go with her to social things but expects me to say no.

The real huge problem in my life is that I can't get a job. Writing an application is very difficult for me because I feel that no one in their right mind would ever hire me, if I were honest in describing myself. Going to an interview would lower my chances even more. And worst of all, the thought of having to go somewhere with other people everyday completely horrifies me. At the moment I've been forced into some job training, after having been on disability for 2 years. I guess to test my tolerance to the real world. So far, it's been a nightmare.

If I could live on permanent disability, I could live the rest of my life without ever leaving my bedroom. But that's not what I want with my life. I desperately want to be able to feel the desire to go out and do things.. but I don't.

exactly, I don't mind going out. I just don't like crowds of people. In the summer I go to visit my mom in Florida and have a nice time on the beach when its fairly empty, I went deep sea fishing once, I go for rides with my family all the time from simply shopping or to visit relatives who live elsewhere and its fun, though I enjoy the ride much more than the destination for some weird reason. I got a four wheeler when I was about 12 and another at 16 and I would go ride them in Tennessee and had a good time and maybe once a year I go deer hunting down there. I also go play tennis with my sister and dad sometimes and its ok. I do like going out sometimes, but everything I like doing is generally loner activities or include a group of no more than 4 or 5 people that I would know really well(family). Of course don't let my post mislead you, I still spend 80% of my free time in a house, as around here its the only way to really avoid large amounts of people. Don't know if its exactly what you getting at but yea, I can relate to not wanting to deal with many people instead of the activities themselves.