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On me "toes"
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am trying to decide whether to go to a social outing or not of which I am extremely anxious.

I home school my son and we belong to a local home schooling group of which consists of mostly moms. The group generally holds field trips, classes, park play days, and the like. It is a great social outlet for my son. In some ways has been good for me in terms of exposure. I've never felt completely comfortable as you've guessed.

There have been numerous park play days that usually last for a couple of hours. They are casual and laid back. At times, I've enjoyed having conversations and other times it's caused anxiety. On one occasion, I was so anxious I felt physically ill and went home.

On Tuesday, November 1st the group will hold a casual meeting in the evening called "Moms and Margaritas" at a restaurant. It is mostly a social outing as well as sharing home schooling ideas and the like. I have a feeling that it will be mostly the first, however.

I am so struggling with whether to go or not. There was another one last month (and there will be another one every month) for which I had an excuse. It is not mandatory that I go at all, it's optional.
But if I don't, I think it looks like I don't care much about investing in the group at all. Don't know for sure.

This kind of events causes some of the worst anxiety in me. A group of people talking about many different things at once, very rapidly, we'll be sitting at a table so there will be little mobility to get up and move around. I just don't do well in that situation. Plus, usually I don't hear real well in that situation.

I feel like an awkward teenager at 40 years old! I hate this, ugh!

These events will be every month too, ugh!

I am really introverted and deal with things better one one one or at the most 2-3 people, not 10 people or more.

What do people think? Anything similar, any observations, advice?

OM
 

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I think you should do it! You already have at least one connection with all of them (homeschooling) which is quite niche. Maybe look up recent news/research about homeschooling so that if it's hard to think of things to talk about, mention what you read and ask their opinions.

You said that your son really enjoys the outings...talk about that, too! Also, acknowledging the event organizers for doing a great job will make them feel good about themselves and you'll be seen as gracious, so if you don't go to all the mom meetings in the future they won't think you're being rude because you've proven yourself to be a kind person.

I don't have kids so none of this may be helpful, but I do hope you go. Maybe one of the other moms will be less gregarious than the others and you'll hit it off. :) Good luck!
 

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I know it will be hard but I think you should go. I have kids and going to events is sometimes draining but making friends with other moms is good for you and for them. Even if you go for a little while and try to mingle. You never know what could come of it. Good luck and don't worry we are all facing similar demons.
 

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On me "toes"
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I think you should do it! You already have at least one connection with all of them (homeschooling) which is quite niche. Maybe look up recent news/research about homeschooling so that if it's hard to think of things to talk about, mention what you read and ask their opinions.

You said that your son really enjoys the outings...talk about that, too! Also, acknowledging the event organizers for doing a great job will make them feel good about themselves and you'll be seen as gracious, so if you don't go to all the mom meetings in the future they won't think you're being rude because you've proven yourself to be a kind person.

I don't have kids so none of this may be helpful, but I do hope you go. Maybe one of the other moms will be less gregarious than the others and you'll hit it off. :) Good luck!
This is true that even if I do go to just this one event it shows I'm gracious, grateful to the organizers. It doesn't mean I have to go to every single one.

You should go. You will have a good time and some laughs for sure.
It will be good benefit for you and help you to go forward with conquering SA!
...trust me.

(I don't think I'm ever going to out grow feeling like a teenager either)
I do hope I can relax enough that I can laugh! Gosh I get so tense. I'd like to loosen up and have fun if possible. Hoping the atmosphere may help. You know how you're surrounded by a festive atmosphere and it's contagious? Hope it's like that.
I feel so darn scared right now, hope I can do it.

I know it will be hard but I think you should go. I have kids and going to events is sometimes draining but making friends with other moms is good for you and for them. Even if you go for a little while and try to mingle. You never know what could come of it. Good luck and don't worry we are all facing similar demons.
I have clicked with some of the moms before at gatherings and hope they are there. They are sort of 'friends', at these gatherings. There are maybe 2 moms who make me really nervous. One that I swear avoids me. But, I may be jumping to conclusions. I need company besides my own family, who are all I have except for 2 long distance friends.

I hope that after I've said all this that I can have some courage to go. Thanks for the encouragement and support. OM
 

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This kind of events causes some of the worst anxiety in me. A group of people talking about many different things at once, very rapidly, we'll be sitting at a table so there will be little mobility to get up and move around. I just don't do well in that situation. Plus, usually I don't hear real well in that situation.
Hi OM:
The above paragraph from your post is very familiar to me. Trying to focus on a conversation when many people are rapid firing back and forth is very hard for me too. I think it's because there's already a whole lot of conversation going on in our heads, LOL. So it's like trying to listen to a symphony while somebody's blasting rock and roll.

But if you think about it even in large groups there are pods of conversation where 2 or three people will sort of off-shoot into another conversation, and one or all of the "pod people" vacillate back and forth with the larger group and it kind of flows. There's always somebody not doing much talking. These are the ones you can snag into a side conversation (i.e., I adore those earrings you're wearing - and go from there). This helps to ease the discomfort of not talking at all. And just throw something out to the group every now and then. Also, make sure you know something about something in the news recently that you found interesting, astonishing, stupid, or whatever. If you had a reaction to it it will probably strike a cord with someone else. Good Luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
well said
Yeah and right now my nervousness is starting up. Hope I can do it. I do look forward to it in that I need to get out and have fun. One good thing is that there will be a focus for the group to talk about.

It's when there are many subjects frog-hopping around all over the place. I'm an introvert and digest things slowly.
My best hope is to sit next some one more like me. I know at least one mom who is more like that, hope she's there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hi OM:
The above paragraph from your post is very familiar to me. Trying to focus on a conversation when many people are rapid firing back and forth is very hard for me too. I think it's because there's already a whole lot of conversation going on in our heads, LOL. So it's like trying to listen to a symphony while somebody's blasting rock and roll.

But if you think about it even in large groups there are pods of conversation where 2 or three people will sort of off-shoot into another conversation, and one or all of the "pod people" vacillate back and forth with the larger group and it kind of flows. There's always somebody not doing much talking. These are the ones you can snag into a side conversation (i.e., I adore those earrings you're wearing - and go from there). This helps to ease the discomfort of not talking at all. And just throw something out to the group every now and then. Also, make sure you know something about something in the news recently that you found interesting, astonishing, stupid, or whatever. If you had a reaction to it it will probably strike a cord with someone else. Good Luck!
Jook, thank you. It makes sense to think of some things to talk about ahead of time. It also helps to remember things about other people to ask about in their lives. Thanks for the advice, it makes sense.
 

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I vote you go. It's funny--I have a problem hearing in those types of situations too ("cocktail party effect", with all the background noise, or, I've also been so anxious, that I can't hear either). Hopefully you'll be able to go. Maybe it'll help to know other people may be nervous too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Well, I just came back and it was fine.
There were only a few people, 7 of us altogether. It was at a Mexican restaurant-Si Casa Flores and there was hardly any one else there 7 pm on a Tuesday night. Not too much noise.
It was nice and mellow, light conversation, just like I like it.
It was fun really, and I wish I hadn't been so nervous before I went.
Some of it is the fear of the unknown, I think I didn't know what to expect.

I don't know yet if this changes how I feel about other events that come up.

Thanks everybody for the encouragement and support. It actually helped a lot more than you think. When I was preparing to go, I kept you folks at SAS in the back of my head and it helped a lot.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Good! I know what you mean about the fear of the unknown, but after this experience, (and others like it), maybe you can gain faith in your ability to HANDLE the unknown. :)
Thank you, Pam! Maybe I can handle it better than I thought. Fear of the unknown is a common fear for a lot of people, maybe it doesn't have to be so scary if you stay open. Thanks again. :)
 

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Good for you. I'm glad it went well.
 

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Very glad to hear you went and ENJOYED yourself.:)
 
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