[fianna]

Hi all, I'm new to the forum so I apologise if this same thing has been talked about a thousand times before!

I'm 26 and have more or less completely given up on the idea of dating at all. My anxiety is under control in every other aspect of my life but I just can't date. The same cycle always happens. I meet someone, we flirt a bit, we arrange to go on a date/for coffee/to meet up again/etc etc etc. Then I go home and get anxious. The anxiety turns to dread, I decide I'm not attracted to them at all and dread going, and can't think about anything else until it's over or I cancel and get out of the situation. It's a traumatic experience that completely turns me off dating for months, until I forget, think maybe next time it'll be different and try again, only for the same thing to happen. It hasn't helped that I've had a few particularly bad experiences that have only reinforced that dating is bad, but even the typical experiences are more than enough for me.

I've tried confronting it and it's too much for me and I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm sick of being told it'll all be easy when I find the right person as though I'm just a bit shy and it's not a massive issue for me. I suppose I just needed to vent to people who might actually get it for once, since nobody in my life really understands.

 

[SwiftFire87]

Never give up. Try different things. You simply have to change the way you are thinking. You feel anxious, overwhelmed and dread going out fearing that you have already failed in some way. The other person on the date wants to see you again so this isn't the case. They must like you in some way to want to meet you again. Try to feel better about yourself and more confident. The more you act better and more confident to yourself you will be surprised at how used to the feeling you can get. Faking it works. You will get better and better at it and at some point it won't be fake anymore. Sounds easy, but I know its not easy. Hiding fear and anxiety is great practice to learn though. I used to fear looking people in the eye at all. Now I can do so and even say something to them at times not always with a good volume. I often speak to softly and sometimes people don't even hear me and keep going.

I too have this problem, but more so with anyone I meet and talk to than just dates. I never had a date or a real good friend though. Alone with my videogames. Without them I would be very depressed as online friends wouldn't talk to me.

 

[agatha]

Hi. Totally get what you are feeling. Maybe dating a person who understands SA would be a better option than dating people who are not aware about it at all. I guess the bottom line is that the person u r going out with should be able to like and accept u the way u r.

 

[Crystalline]

People always say dating is a good thing, but I honestly don't miss it. What I do miss is companionship/close friendships. Just evaluate whether all this stress is worth it, and take time out to treat yourself the best you can. Which you deserve, and is more important than dating IMO.

I've also found that that certain confidence a person exudes by giving the carefree impression that they aren't really needing to date seems to be very attractive to some people. I suppose it's because one becomes more relaxed about the whole thing and it doesn't eat them up (and you act more like your natural self overall). This plus the extra care you give yourself may in the end attract the right sort of person. I think the general consensus between me and a couple of friends of mine was that the best relationships happen when you aren't actively seeking or forcing yourself into them.

 

[fianna]

Thanks everyone for the advice. It really means a lot and obviously I'll have to do some thinking!! I'm not in the right headspace to do anything about it at the moment, but I know I will be again eventually and you've given me some fantastic advice. It's good to just be reminded I'm not alone and there are people out there who get it.