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Banned
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Discussion Starter #1
Haha. I feel really embarassed for posting this. I even created a new account just to post this. Please don't laugh at me.

I was just wondering if any of you girls have the same problem I do. I have recently made huge steps towards overcoming my SA. I feel a lot more confident, and want to look nice to match that. When I look nice, I feel nice. It is like being in a clean room or something.

I have been doing a lot with styling my hair and wearing makeup. I never cared about these things before, but now enjoy getting all girly and nice; however, all the attention I get for wanting to look my best is kind of embarassing.

I will go to a store and almost every guy at the store will stare at me. It makes me really self-conscious. I can't even concentrate on what I am doing (i.e. I need a box of cereal) or just let my mind wander (i.e. What is on TV tonight?). I'm almost constantly focused on the people who are staring at me. It makes me feel like a freak.

Yesterday, I was driving through a poorer neighborhood and had to stop at a McDonalds to use the restroom. In the parking lot on the way to the restroom, a group of boys starts yelling at me, saying things like "hi grandma". I don't know why they called me that. I'm 17 years old.

On the way back from the restroom, it got even worse. They kept saying "whats up grandma", "nice walk", "nice shorts". I was so glad to finally get in the car! I just wanted to disappear. I wasn't even dressed in anything too revelaing. It is summer and I was wearing shorts and a tank top. I didn't do anything to provoke this.

I want to be confident in who I am, and I am not going to stop looking the way that I want to look because of other people's stupid reactions. I just recently started wearing makeup. I like feeling like a girl.

Any tips to block stuff like this out of my mind? I really would just like to go to the store and not care about what other people think of me. I'm sick of letting other people's reactions to me- good or bad- affect me. What do you girls do in situations like this?
 

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Retired Enforcer
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19,108 Posts
Duplicate Accounts are not permitted.

Multiple Accounts
Only one account is allowed per person. If we find out that an individual is posting under multiple accounts we will either ban all their accounts or leave one account unbanned for them to use, depending on the circumstances.
 

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Fitting In Here & There
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808 Posts
There's nothing wrong with liking to be "girly." It can be fun and it should boost your self-esteem and give you something to feel good about. I learned this lesson around 16 or 17, but then went thru an "I feel repulsive" stage for a while in my early 30s. But now again I feel good about looking pretty.

When I was younger, guys would say "yo mama" a lot to me on the street, especially if I was alone, and they were in a group. Try not to let that bother you too much. As for the word grandma, maybe it's some kind of new slang (?)

Recently an older woman told me I looked like Sandra Bullock (which I don't :roll) but I let it go to my head anyway and was feeling pretty good for a while. During that time I also noticed a lot of males looking at me in stores too. In the mall one older man actually stopped walking, tipped his hat and half bowed at me as I passed by him! And even at my old age I still wear shorts and tank tops. I might not look as good as you do, but i look good for my age. :)

As far as the self-consciousness and what should you do about it when you are uncomfortable (like at that McDonald's), I say just keep walking and totally ignore them. Pretend you don't hear it and keep moving. Then go about your business. If you carry a cell phone, you could pretend you're busy with that.
 

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Chief Worrier
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they'll stop if you ignore them. it's only fun for them if they can watch you squirm, so try not to act like you're listening. as for the staring, just ignore it as well and be glad that whoever is staring at you isn't trying to talk to you or touch you or catcall or something. and it's good that you've found a way to dress that makes you feel good. that's what's important.
 

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Banned
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136 Posts
Haha. I feel really embarassed for posting this. I even created a new account just to post this. Please don't laugh at me.

I was just wondering if any of you girls have the same problem I do. I have recently made huge steps towards overcoming my SA. I feel a lot more confident, and want to look nice to match that. When I look nice, I feel nice. It is like being in a clean room or something.

I have been doing a lot with styling my hair and wearing makeup. I never cared about these things before, but now enjoy getting all girly and nice; however, all the attention I get for wanting to look my best is kind of embarassing.

I will go to a store and almost every guy at the store will stare at me. It makes me really self-conscious. I can't even concentrate on what I am doing (i.e. I need a box of cereal) or just let my mind wander (i.e. What is on TV tonight?). I'm almost constantly focused on the people who are staring at me. It makes me feel like a freak.

Yesterday, I was driving through a poorer neighborhood and had to stop at a McDonalds to use the restroom. In the parking lot on the way to the restroom, a group of boys starts yelling at me, saying things like "hi grandma". I don't know why they called me that. I'm 17 years old.

On the way back from the restroom, it got even worse. They kept saying "whats up grandma", "nice walk", "nice shorts". I was so glad to finally get in the car! I just wanted to disappear. I wasn't even dressed in anything too revelaing. It is summer and I was wearing shorts and a tank top. I didn't do anything to provoke this.

I want to be confident in who I am, and I am not going to stop looking the way that I want to look because of other people's stupid reactions. I just recently started wearing makeup. I like feeling like a girl.

Any tips to block stuff like this out of my mind? I really would just like to go to the store and not care about what other people think of me. I'm sick of letting other people's reactions to me- good or bad- affect me. What do you girls do in situations like this?
I wouldn't laugh at you. In fact, I know exactly the way you feel! I'm happy that you've found your girly side and are experimenting with different things to do with yourself. I get pretty anxious when men stare at me. Especially if it's a group of men and especially if they cat call or shout things out to me.
I haven't left the house for fear of getting stared at. One thing that helped me leave my house was reminding myself that I'm not the only pretty woman out there and that I get stared at as much as any other girl. It's good to remind myself that I'm not the only one who gets gawked at. Also, wearing sunglasses helps me. I feel anonymous and safe with glasses on. People can't help but stare at pretty women so you can expect a lot more attention in the future. I know I love to see pretty women but I know that it might make them feel uncomfortable so I try not to look or stare.

I actually feel a lot more comfortable if there are many good looking women around me, if I'm out with women who are either good looking or more good looking than me (takes attention off of me).

The attention must be overwhelming if you're not used to it. I understand what it feels like to stand out in a crowd and I wish I could be as flattered and comfortable with it as normal women are. If making yourself pretty and girly makes you feel happy then you should continue to do so. You'll just have to find a way to work out your feelings of anxiety when met with all the stares.
 

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A jagged pulse
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310 Posts
Thats great your trying to look your best and feel your best. I would be proud if guys were looking at me *especially if they were hot****. Like the other pster said at least they dont catcall or try to touch you. i think thats so lame and disgusting. be happy. keep taking care of yourself and looking your best. if you live near one try urban outfitters. they have really cute clothes for girls. and forever21-cheap clothes but they are really trendy and cute Mac and sephora makes awesome make-up too though on the $$$$ side . :boogie good luck
 

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stillborn
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1,764 Posts
No, I don't have issues with this because I absolutely hate grooming. Shun makeup, loath hair styling....
 

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She-Wolf
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5,985 Posts
it used to bother me, "i feel like an object to them" blah blah blah. then i realized that i shouldn't be the one feeling self-conscious for the attention and feeling stupid, when it's really just me finally choosing to dress how i really love, and how i feel most confident in myself to the point where i can look in a mirror and be pleased with what i see or walk with confidence in a public place rather than do my best to hide my ugliness. it's new to me, in the past i would try to look as ugly and as unnoticeable as possible - i just felt i was too ugly and any attempt to change that would be a joke.

this goes to you too - if i am going to make my appearance how i want it, and finally feel GOOD about myself, then i shouldn't let others reactions continue to affect me. i'm doing a positive change in my life and for my self-esteem and if i feel good in my body then that is all that matters.

anyway, now i just laugh or chuckle to myself - or just ignore it - when i get attention like that. cause honestly, yelling, whistling, or honking your horn, are probably the most pathetic and lamest attempts at getting a girl's attention.
i guess it's some kind of animalistic reaction to see an appealing creature and suddenly have the strong desire to project your call to them as loud as possible. but yeah, just makes the guys who do that look very silly and naive.
 

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She-Wolf
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5,985 Posts
i hope your other account wasn't banned as well :/



the situations in which i would respond are if it's a public place during the day, if i'ts only one guy, and if he is walking close to me and seems polite. i might just say "hi" in return or "thanks" then continue on my way.

if it's at night and i'm walking alone, i look away, no eye contact, nothing to lead them on, and i continue walking at a fast pace. (same goes for when cars slow down to a stop while you are walking and call for you - at night especially creepy - i don't hear them and i don't show any reaction)
 

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Registered
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"I will go to a store and almost every guy at the store will stare at me" - I'm sure you're very good looking and people are looking at you, but you have to remember that social anxiety definitely magnifies self-consiousness, and makes things seem more extreme than they really are.
 

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"Why So Serious?"
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901 Posts
I don't get it, why would they call you grandma? Then again why would guys stare at you in stores? I don't get it, I am a guy and I think there is some other reason why they are "staring" at you. I don't stare at a girl that looks hella nice and then call them grandma. Would you post a picture of yourself with how you dress, you can hide your face if you want. This is just confusing and intriguing to me for some reason. I mean is it that where you live, when a girl looks really good then the word grandma is a compliment?
 

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I am with ununderstood. I was confused by the post too.

First, having SA makes me think EVERYONE is staring at me, so even if I did look nice, I would assume the worst and that I looked weird and that's why they were staring.

I truly don't get how you can say all these guys are staring at you (as though in a good way) but yet have some guys call you grandma?? That doesn't sound like a compliment....
 

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First, having SA makes me think EVERYONE is staring at me, so even if I did look nice, I would assume the worst and that I looked weird and that's why they were staring.
i agree with this part. it always feels like people are watching me, and if they are, it's not a good thing. it just makes me more uncomfortable (if that's possible).

as for catcalls, i act like i don't hear them. i look through my phone or just walk away.
 

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Meow Meow Meow
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I used to have a "problem" with guys saying vulgar things to me as I walked by or grabbing me when I was younger....that was years ago though. And my style of dress wasn't revealing...I didn't even wear make up then. Even had guys stalk me and I think that contributed to my SA. Now I feel fear every time I have to walk by a guy that is around my age. Not because I feel they will say something horrible to me, but because I'm just afraid of guys...plus I'm shy. Now I don't go out much and when I do, most of the guys that say something to me are more respectful and I'm respectful to them.

IA, most ppl with SA are very self conscious and dare if I say it but a lot of us are insecure. (Well, Im speaking for myself on that one). A lot of the times we feel that ppl are staring at us and judging us sometimes they are, but it's not always negative. What I try to do when ppl stare is smile at them and they usually smile back. My anxiety starts to chill out after that. Heck, if I see someone that I think is attractive or interesting whether it's their appearance or their "aura"...I glance at them quite a bit. I try not to let them notice though lol.

I don't understand the grandma thing...
 

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I'm glad you are getting all the attention and trying to overcome you S.A. It's great that you are dressing how you want and feel good about yourself now. I feel that dressing well helps me blend in and makes my S.A. less obvious. Sometimes I do get attention which I hate so I end up dressing frumpy just to become invisible. I only dress really nice when I am with a another person because it makes me feel more secure.

Feeling insecure and thinking everyone is staring at you is part of S.A. dressing nice actually makes that even worse. You have to just think who cares, lots of people dress nice and don't care... why should I? I think overtime you'll get used to it.
 
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