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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What happens if the girl who I want to ask out finds out I have no friends and no real social life? Like, I'm pretty normal in other ways. And I'm not socially incompetent or anything. I'm just introverted to the extent that I can't create or maintain friendships. And I don't really want friendships either.

Is it a big deal for the girl? Assuming the girl is someone who has an active social life (not a crazy active one though). For those with girlfriends: how does the lack of your own social life affect your relationship? How does she take the fact that you never have plans every Friday/Saturday nights (with people other than her), that you're always on your own when she sees you, etc. etc.
 

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If she likes you enough, she won't care. I know some people can find it off-putting, but typically it's not a complete deal breaker. And those who do find it a deal breaker aren't worth your time anyway.

Are we talking a hypothetical girl here? Or one that you're already in the early stages with? Because it's entirely likely she already knows anyway.
 

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I agree that if she really likes you then she won't care. I got lucky with my one boyfriend because he didn't have very many friends either so I didn't worry about it.

I used to feel this way about just potential platonic friends a few years ago. I wondered if they would think I was a freak since I really had no friends at the time. Nope, they didn't care. A social life makes up only a miniscule part of who a person is. Their general character matters much more.
 

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I'm a bit afraid of this as well. I'm hoping it won't be an issue, yet I know how strange it must seem to some people.

I think the real issue here would be if you would go out and do things when she invited you?
I would certainly try. But again I fear that I would be totally awkward around her friends and that would be a big turn-off for her.

I'm hoping to find someone who is shy or suffers from SA as well. At the same time, I want someone who will push me to be more social.
 

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I mean not to sound mean or anything but I guess people without SA will think that the person they are interested in is some what exciting in some ways. I know my ex sort of wanted me to be a lil more crazy. She would want me to go out to places. But sort of let her know how you are. She might like or she might not. Who knows.
 

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I used to be so weary of guys without friends - I associate it with abusive or controlling men. As long as ur not controlling I don't see why it would be a problem.
huh why? I know that alot of controlling abusive guys are the buttery charismatic charmer types who smile and socialize alot, then reveal their dark side as the relationship goes on. I am hardly controlling
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I used to be so weary of guys without friends - I associate it with abusive or controlling men. As long as ur not controlling I don't see why it would be a problem.
huh why? I know that alot of controlling abusive guys are the buttery charismatic charmer types who smile and socialize alot, then reveal their dark side as the relationship goes on. I am hardly controlling
Yeah I don't get that either, lol... guys without friends tend to be shy, reserved, etc. Not exactly traits you would associate with dominant and controlling.
 

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huh why? I know that alot of controlling abusive guys are the buttery charismatic charmer types who smile and socialize alot, then reveal their dark side as the relationship goes on. I am hardly controlling
That's what I was thinking too. I would think an abusive guy would have a lot of friends, because he would be self-confident, outgoing, manipulative, and have a strong sense of entitlement.
 

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Personally, I feel if your already in a relationship with a girl then it doesn't matter. BEFORE a relationship it may matter because it may not be the lifestyle she wants at the moment, but the good news is that there are plenty of girls out there who don't mind your specific lifestyle. Yes, there is an abundance.
 

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I'd be thrilled. Then maybe for a change a guy would have time for me!
I think this may actually be a fairly common reaction to dating someone who is a bit of a loner, I know that my boyfriend likes that he gets to hang out with me all the time and not have to feel like he's being ditched for someone else. He also seems to like me being around when he hangs out with his friends, so that I have the chance to befriend that as well... I haven't really gotten to that point as I still get anxious as hell when I'm around anyone other than him, but it is nice that he is trying to help me out in that way.

Bottom line, if you are looking for a more serious relationship with her, then she should be understanding and supportive about it.
 

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You need to find someone that is like yourself socially, otherwise I don't see how it can work.

I experienced this first hand back when I was in college. I took a chance and asked out a girl in one of my classes. It was over and done with in 6 short days because that's how long it took for her to learn socially I was on a totally different page than her.
 

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If she's the girl for you she wont care.

I wouldn't be with a guy who cared about my popularity... well actually, my boyfriend was concerned about my social life, but he preferred a girl that didn't really have one lol. He doesn't have a social life either, so we spend our time together just the two of us and I wouldn't have it any other way.
 

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You need to find someone that is like yourself socially, otherwise I don't see how it can work.

I experienced this first hand back when I was in college. I took a chance and asked out a girl in one of my classes. It was over and done with in 6 short days because that's how long it took for her to learn socially I was on a totally different page than her.
I agree. If you want to be truly happy together, you should have somewhat similar preferences when it comes to being social.

My boyfriend dated a girl before me who was all party party party. Always wanted to go out. They had a long distance relationship so he would drive 10 hours to come spend the weekend with her and as soon as he got there she would be like "Let's go out!" and if he said he didn't want to, which he never did, she would go without him.
 
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