[when will we be new skin]

I went out on a date with a guy I met online the other day. It went pretty well, not fantastic, but not at all bad. He e-mailed me and said he had a good time and that we should go out again sometime.

This is really weird for me. I never go on dates. So this was a first. I am not even sure I really like him... but I don't want him to go away. He posts stuff on facebook but doesn't e-mail me back... not that it's a big deal... I tell myself "who cares? you went on ONE date, you're not together" but I just find myself feeling like crap that he's not talking to me as much as before. I think things like, "maybe he lied. maybe he doesn't really like me and didn't want to hurt my feelings..."

I think I just want him to talk to me because I crave attention from people.. because I never get it. You know? I hope this made sense...

 

[Jnmcda0]

It could be that he thinks you are not interested. I went on a date one time and I liked the girl well enough, but I wasn't sure that she liked me and I never called her back after the date. I was just too self-conscious to make the call. I felt bad about it later, but I felt it was too late at that point.

 

[odd_one_out]

Yes, lacking attention socially etc. can often do that. When receiving some attention, it makes the former lack more apparent and can lead to insecure attachment because you are then worried about losing it.

I am unusually content alone, but once received (romantic?) attention online one evening. It triggered some powerful emotions, especially since I was experiencing work-related difficulties. However, they became distant 2 days later and openly expressed their love for another (not to me but somewhere I could also read about it). It triggered despair, which was very odd because I barely knew them and almost never become attached, but think it was the combination of work difficulties and them deliberately trying to cause harm for some unfathomable reason.

 

[when will we be new skin]

It could be that he thinks you are not interested. I went on a date one time and I liked the girl well enough, but I wasn't sure that she liked me and I never called her back after the date. I was just too self-conscious to make the call. I felt bad about it later, but I felt it was too late at that point.

I thought about that. It could be the case. As I replay the night, it may have seemed that he was more into me than I was into him. But it's not that I wasn't... I just never go on dates and my SA makes me cautious about getting close to people.

It's just really hard to read this whole situation. Haha... so frustrating. I think I just need to stop freaking out about it and let what happens happen.

 

[SAgirl]

I think you feel a glimmer of hope about the possibility of having someone in your life. It's difficult to lose that.

 

[rdrr]

i know exactly how u feel, i am feeling it now, lol. so what im doing about it is taking it slow and where it goes it will go. I 'm not putting so much effort and it seems like its working quite well.

 

[fraidycat]

how long has it been? The email sounds like he's interested, perhaps give it a couple more days before responding. Say you had a good time, and would be up for seeing him again.
Meanwhile, I'm not sure if you work or go to school, FRIENDS! (Or join something) I know it's easier said then done. I'm the same way with attachment. Get attached way too quickly. I hate it, and noticed things I don't mind doing if I had a bigger network of friends, I end up waiting around for the guy to be free to do it with.

 

[Drachasor]

I think you feel a glimmer of hope about the possibility of having someone in your life. It's difficult to lose that.

Not an unusual reaction for people without SA either.

 

[Shauna The Dead]

I know how you feel. I've been trying to be careless though- trying to think, and been telling myself: I don't care if he dumps me or doesn't want me.
I really don't want it to happen though. But every time i like somebody a lot I get dumped so I'm just preparing myself so that hopefully it doesn't hurt TOO much when it happens. Sucks.

 

[Drachasor]

I know how you feel. I've been trying to be careless though- trying to think, and been telling myself: I don't care if he dumps me or doesn't want me.
I really don't want it to happen though. But every time i like somebody a lot I get dumped so I'm just preparing myself so that hopefully it doesn't hurt TOO much when it happens. Sucks.

I'm not sure that's the best way to handle it if you like someone. Eventually you won't get dumped and you'll be left feeling like he might leave you at any moment. Better to figure out if there is something the guys dumping you have in common, perhaps you are just going out with jerks or people who lack the sense to understand your SA. If a relationship does end up failing, I recommend you accept the pain of it and move on (or maybe get angry if they were a jerk -- though personally I suck at getting angry). It's supposed to hurt when someone you care about dumps you, and you have to deal with that, but that doesn't stop you from trying to learn something from it (just don't jump to conclusions or fall into any classic SA blunders by assuming the problem is you aren't good enough or some crap like that).

 

[when will we be new skin]

Still have pretty much no idea what's going on. He wont talk to me for days on end, and just when I'm starting to give up and move on, he e-mails me or texts me. Right now I am not even sure if I should e-mail him back.... although I probably will because I can't leave people hanging like he does. I don't understand guys at ALL.

 

[Drachasor]

Still have pretty much no idea what's going on. He wont talk to me for days on end, and just when I'm starting to give up and move on, he e-mails me or texts me. Right now I am not even sure if I should e-mail him back.... although I probably will because I can't leave people hanging like he does. I don't understand guys at ALL.

It's not guys you don't understand. It's this guy. Every guy is different (and the gender differences are smaller than differences within a gender). I'm not sure why he's so erratic, as I certainly wouldn't be with any girl I am interested in (and I am a guy). I suggest you just ask him about it. It is possible he likes you some (as you just like him some), so he is keeping up with his moderate interst. That's just one possibility, mind you. Naturally a moderate interest can grow into more than that in the future.

That said, you should try not to get so hung up on a guy you only kinda like. Try not to let his actions, or lack thereof, affect you so much. You should care more about how much you like him, than whether it offends your ego that he doesn't like you a ton. If you liked him a lot, I could understand getting hung up a bit more on it, but you don't.

 

[when will we be new skin]

I only said that because this type of thing is what I've experienced with all guys I've been remotely involved with. However, that's not saying much seeing as I haven't been involved with many men.

I agree with your advice. I had been telling myself pretty much the same thing. I'll let what happens happen and if nothing comes of it, it's not that big of a deal. I'm not too worried about it.

 

[Shauna The Dead]

I'm not sure that's the best way to handle it if you like someone. Eventually you won't get dumped and you'll be left feeling like he might leave you at any moment. Better to figure out if there is something the guys dumping you have in common, perhaps you are just going out with jerks or people who lack the sense to understand your SA. If a relationship does end up failing, I recommend you accept the pain of it and move on (or maybe get angry if they were a jerk -- though personally I suck at getting angry). It's supposed to hurt when someone you care about dumps you, and you have to deal with that, but that doesn't stop you from trying to learn something from it (just don't jump to conclusions or fall into any classic SA blunders by assuming the problem is you aren't good enough or some crap like that).

No, its better for me to think the way that I do. Nothing is forever.

 

[nothing to fear]

i don't get attached to a guy when they just pay attention to me when i don't have much of a crush on them - though, i used to experience that.

so - it doesn't happen easily for me, but i worry i can get too attached if it's someone i really like and someone i have regular contact with. i try hard not too. i don't know if it's excessive or not, it tends to happen more when it's during a period in my life when i hardly have any other social interaction with anyone else.

it's most definitely something i am concerned with when i think about the possibility of being with someone. it's to the point where i know i'll get very scared and nervous if someone i like expresses feelings back even though i want them too. i know i might freak out too much about getting too attached and instead back off and push them away. it has happened before, i don't want it to happen again.

 

[Fireflylight]

It seems like he is giving u mixed signals. I hate that.

 

[Shauna The Dead]

I can relate to what the original poster said now. The guy I like/have been seeing will say he misses me and stuff but then I'll try to call him for like 2-3 hours before he'll even answer me or call back. Then he talks for like 10 minutes and makes some excuse that he has to get off the phone. Usually says he's going to bed.
And if I see him online he won't chat much.
He used to talk to me for hours on the phone and stuff.

 

[when will we be new skin]

Yeah it's really weird. At times he'll be really eager to talk and other times it's like I don't even exist.

I don't even know what to think. I just started school again so I don't think I'm even going to worry about him. I invited him over to my house the other day but he ignored my e-mail. soooo.... forget about it.

 

[ivankaramazov]

At times he'll be really eager to talk and other times it's like I don't even exist.

I've been guilty of treating girls like that in the past. Basically it was like my interest in them took some time to build. I always liked the girl or wouldn't have bothered at all, but the amount of contact was too much for me at times.

 

[when will we be new skin]

ahahaha... I feel kind of retarded talking about this still, but I am starting to find it amusing.

He did end up e-mailing me back after my last post, declining my invitation.. which oddly didn't make me that upset... instead I decided two can play at this stupid game he's playing and I didn't e-mail him back. Well, two days later, guess who e-mails me again?!

lol. If I don't write back again, then he'll really know something's up. ahh I don't know... this is dumb.