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breaking free
2,171 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Anybody have any funny jokes? I am so tense right now. I really just need to laugh.

4,435 Posts
A priest, a minister and a rabbi walked into a bar. The bartender asked "Is this a joke?"

OK, did you hear about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra?

A mushroom enters a bar and hops up onto a stool.
The bartender looks at the mushroom and says "We don't serve your kind in here"
Mushroom says " Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

OK enough bar jokes...

Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself nude in a mirror,
after a relaxing bath. Her frustration over her lack of
ability to lose weight was depressing her.

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for
help. "God...if you take away my love handles, I'll devote
my life to you," She prayed.

And just like that...her ears fell off.

4,435 Posts
Some of the pop artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
They include:

Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

Herman'sHermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker .

Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees -- -
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon---
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye ---
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem---
A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer ---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations ---
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall..

Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

And Last but NOT least

Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again

dazed and confused
960 Posts

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their @sses, the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their *** is too fat............ 10% of women think their *** is too skinny......

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
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