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High school affected my terribly and believe it or not I still have nightmares about it at least twice a week even though its been ten years since I graduated. BTW, I went to a military school 1,500 miles away from home. So, I was there 24/7. Because of my social anxiety, I would tend to freeze and had poor concentration ability. In addition, I was so self-conscious that I very rarely talked. My peers came up with the easiest explanation for this behavior and actually believed that I must be mildly retarded. Well, the "stupid" label stuck for the entire four years I spent there. I'm sure you can imagine what havoc it wreaked on my self-esteem.

The point is, it is so difficult for people to understand what SAD is because it has virtually no play time on the media. We hear about ADHD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Autism. These are all generally accepted as real disorders by our society. But, "Social Anxiety Disorder? What!?! C'mon, everyone gets anxious when they meet new people. That's just a cop out for not getting out there and meeting new challenges. Just relax and come out of your shell. We won't bite". This is what I hear and sense that society, by and large, responds SAD (if they even heard of it to begin with). It is an excuse for being weak rather than a real disorder. This is a huge reason why having this disorder is so frustrating because it is so easy to feel alone. Thank God for websites like this because before I found this forum, I really thought I was special (or specially f***ed up). I thought I was an experiment by God to see what would happen if He just completely screwed up a guy in a way that he could never relate to anyone and no one would could empathize with him because he was impossible to understand.
 

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PreciousGleamingMcNugget
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I thought I was an experiment by God to see what would happen if He just completely screwed up a guy in a way that he could never relate to anyone and no one would could empathize with him because he was impossible to understand.
That's so weird, I was just angstily writing in my journal about that same idea, that maybe I was some sick experiment and was given an injection at birth to alter my DNA or something! Sigh.
 

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I used to think I was the only one too. Until last year I had never heard of SAD and thought there was just something seriously wrong with me. When I realised that what I had was a disorder I actually felt so much better because then I knew I couldn't be alone and because I felt less responsiable for my f***** up life.
 

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I had this all my life. I remember when I was VERY young, maybe 3 or so (yes I have an abnormally long memory), my mom sent me to what must have been a psychiatrist (although he was referred to as the "talking doctor" lol). I'd have to stay in a room with this weird old man who was rambling on and on, trying to get me to talk. I remember him once playing with blocks and hoping I'd join in, he was making "trees" and using a rectangle block for the trunk and a triangle block for the leafy part. I remember thinking "There's no way you're going to get me to talk. Or play. You don't even know how to make a proper tree". Thinking back....do people with SA have above average intelligence or something? What kind of 3 year old thinks these things? :)
I don't remember whatever happened to my sessions with the "talking doctor". I guess my parents gave up on me (obviously - I'm here) cause there was NO way I was giving in. *Sigh*
 
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