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I cannot describe the feelings I am having right now. I don't know if I should still love my dad but he has lied to me and the rest of my family for a while now.
I overheard my mom talking on the phone and she was talking about the girl he's been seeing WHILE they were still together. My dad and my mom aren't divorced yet but they are working on it. He clarified that he wanted to move out in the beginning of November of last year. Since then he has been living in our guest house which is like ten feet away from out regular house. Not a good place to move out and God knows if he brings that little skank there or not. My mom knows who she is and she's married too. He might also have other people he's seeing.
What upsets me the most is that he cares more about this ****ing ***** more than he cares about his family and has countlessly lied to me about where he is going. I kinda figured out what he was doing on my own but when I heard my mom on the phone, that kinda confirmed it.
But that's not all. Since I have trouble with SA and depression I feel like I have nothing. I barely have any friends and the ones that I do have aren't really there for me. I hate school and I hate where I'm living now. I feel like this is the only place I can go to to talk to someone because no one else listens to me.


So that's my story....
 

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I'm sorry =(... that's horrible. I hope things work out/get better soon.
 

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I'm sorry to hear that. I cannot stand cheaters. :mumIf you don't want to be with someone leave the relationship before you run off with someone else.
 

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You have to try and stay out of your parents' business. I understand you might want a bit of justice but believe me, it is not wise to intervene. Focus on your own well being because your family is going through a very difficult time and might break apart any moment.

This will affect your growing up very much but so long as you are able to hold on to your studies you should be able to make it through fine. Don't be quick to judge others - the matters of relationships are very complicated and not one single point of view is enough to encompass all of it.

Believe me it's very very difficult to deal with such situations internally - have your parents considered marriage counseling? Third party perspectives can be very helpful as they are able to see more than you or your parents can and move towards a mutually acceptable conclusion.

Your father is not your enemy - and even if he has done wrong things life circumstances has put enough pressure on him to seek out outside relationships. If you show him you and your mom still care about him and miss him (pretend if you have to!), there is a high chance he will come back.

Yes, I said pretend his adultery doesn't exist. Because if we keep waging war he'll just go further and further away and you'll lose your father for good. Men usually have a strong willpower to go out and "do good things", oft without thinking of the consequences first.

He has realized them for sure but his pride will not allow him to confess his mistakes, unless you open some doors to help him.

There are a lot of broken families in the world today, and it's always the children who suffer. Believe me, poster 2 knows what he's talking about. And so do I. Give your daddy a chance - he did bring you to this world after all.

Humans make mistakes sometimes. And some might take many years to change. Hatred only leads him to seek more companionship outside the home. Love will bring him back.
 

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I am sooo sorry. I just recently found out my dad had been going to a prostitute for years. so i know how you feel. if you wanna talk feel free to pm me
 

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hi
i just found this forum and after reading your post, i had to register so i could reply to you.
my exhusband cheated on me. i found a lot of support/info at marriagebuilders.com - may help you and your mom.

but the one thing i wanted to post is that when someone gets themselves involved in an affair, it is an addiction. your dad is totally lost right now. he will wake up one day and realize what he is done. his actions are no refelection of how much he loves you or what you are worth. nothing can excuse what his actions have done to you and your mother. but i promise he does love you, he is just trapped in his addiction right now.

just don't take it personally. you and your mom both deserve better. you can choose whether or not to allow your dad to continue to be a part of your life.

good luck and i hope to post more here in the future.
 

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Same happened to my family. I haven't talked to my dad in almost a year. I could care less if he died.
 

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I'm sorry to hear that. Cheaters are sellfish! If they are not happy in a relationship then they should leave it before getting involved with someone else.
 

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I know someone who's going through roughly the same thing. Daddy was screwing a nurse with 3 children at work (he's a doctor). The whole story came out after a suicide attempt by himself. Now his five children with his wife don't talk to him.

Can't relate to this, but sorry that you have to go through this.
 

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Im so sorry. You must be feeling so much emotions right now. Ive been through this myself and I can say, those emotions will pass in time.
You prolly dont want advice, but Ill give you some unneeded advice anyway.
1. Get all that emotion out, dont hold it in.
2. Let your parents know exactly how your feeling and dont let them put you in the middle of all this. Your mother might be angry, and say some horrible things about your father. Let her get her emotions out too. But dont let your parents put you in the middle, make sure they know this, because with this much emotion flying around, parents seem to forget that their children see and hear everything.
3. You can be angry at your dad. But keep in mind. People make mistakes, he will wake up one day, he will feel alot of guilt, this is when he will need you. In time, Im not saying now, try and find forgiveness in your heart, its well worth keeping a relationship with your father. Dont hate him just because your mother might.
4. Your probably going to find out parents arent perfect. For me, this was really when I went from innocense to stepping up and being the adult.
5. The next few years are going to be an emotional rollorcoaster. But dont come out the end with hate and resentment. It will only make things worse. Find some love and forgiveness.

My parents separated 10 years ago and ultimately had a divorce not long after. My mother was the one that left and broke the relationship, so I felt alot of resentment towards her. I still dont see any reason why she did it. For years this made me hate her. But Im seeing thats a dead end question. I will never know why. And your probably going to ask that question. She still makes me angry. But its rather more of a day to day anger. I dont look at the past. Its just what she says and does here and now that drives me insane.
But in the end it turned out I lost my father. We dont have much of a relationship anymore since he re married to the wicked witch of the west. Now Im trying desperately to build a relationship with him, because heck.. I need my dad in my life even if both my parents are not perfect and I probably make more adult sense than they do, Im still holding on what little love and forgiveness I have left, its worth the fight!
 

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I know what it's like. Been there, done that. It makes for a very difficult time, I know, especially with all the problems we already have on our plates.
 

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Dude, this **** is ****ing scary...I live in Florida too and this exact same **** happened to me 2 years ago..except it was my mom who cheated. My dad moved out to a guest house that is about 20 feet away...**** I can't believe this I could have almost written that myself.

Anyway, she started contacting old people she knew from back in high school and would go out of town frequently. I went through her email because I knew her pass and found out she was seeing some guy who she had an illegit child with. My dad had no idea and was trying to figure out how to get into her email and I also knew where she kept the password on paper, so it was digging into me forever.

Finally I just told him where I 'thought' it would be and **** hit the fan in a hurry. Fast forward about a year and they 'worked things out' and she contacted her son and whatever. She then started seeing SOMEONE ELSE, and we went through the same ****. She would make **** up about where she was going. I think that's when my dad finally moved all his stuff out and currently this new dick is living here, YAY. It's pretty mellow here now, but I'm moving out to the dorm next semester and away from this hell hole. She supports me and has gotten me through most of my college so it's not like I can tell her to **** off.

It was so ****ing hard seeing my dad lose it like he did, I looked up to him and he is so ****ing intelligent and he was going between jobs at the time, it was just so hard. First time I came out with that I think and it felt good typing it out.

Good luck, just try keeping your head up and your mind off of it. If you think about it it'll only make it worse in my opinion.
 

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That is too bad. I feel bad for your mom. I grew up with older people who'd been married for a long time, so they never fought about things like this. They had done all their partying and life was very stable. I can imagine how I would feel if that stability was disrupted at an age where I needed them. When children become teenagers they start being more independent and perhaps then their parents sometimes feel like they aren't needed anymore, so they start taking care of themselves once again. Maybe they married too young, maybe they need one more parade- one last chance to enjoy whatever the years have not yet taken away from them. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.

When your parents had always been strong and selfless for you, it's weird to see them as real people for the first time.
 

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**This is old topic, but sort of relevant to what's going on with me.**

Sorry you had to go through this. Hope you've been able to free yourself from some of the pain, trauma, hatred, negativity and so forth. My parents are still married despite the fact that they sleep in separate rooms and barely talk to one another. I don't know why my mother stays...I guess it's for financial reasons.

My father goes once a year to his country to not only visit his relatives, but to visit his mistress (and possible child) as well. He's actually out of the country right now. It's something we all know about, his friends know about and even his co-workers know about. But it's all hush hush. He also has had other women in the past.
I think he's always been the promiscuous type, but I also think he wanted a new improved family. Since he was no longer intimate and attracted to my mother, he replaced her with a secret "wife". Since he has children (my sisters and I) that aren't very successful nor are they very warm and loving towards him, he wanted to be surrounded by other children he could be proud of. Though I'm kind of pissed that he's building her a lavish house..and probably giving her whatever luxuries that greedy witch requests...heheh. Ahh I need to stop.

I'm not wishing for my parents to rekindle their romance because I know they aren't and will never be compatible. And I kind of believe that humans are not made to be monogomous (not that I support constant cheating).

I just want to have the confidence to confront him about it. So at least we all can plan for the near future since my dad can't stay married to my mother forever, and I can't be a burden anymore. I never did confront him in the past because I have this fear that it will turn ugly and he'll stop supporting me financially (yeah, I really need to find a job). If I didn't have SA, if I were independent and had a place of my own, I totally would convince my mother to divorce and have her live with me, and let my dad do his own thing. But since I have no established income, I'm stuck. So I feel guilty that one of the main reasons why my parents are still in an unhappy marriage is because of me.

My father's cheating also affects the way I approach relationships with males. That's why I don't think about dating anymore because I'll go crazy with my jealous nature and paranoia.
 

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I know this is so late, but I just wanted you to know that it just recently happened to me. I found out my dad was having an affair with my best friends mom (who is married). However, my mom doesn't know about it, and after long days of fighting with my dad he promised me to not tell my mom. I absolutely hate watching him play my mom every single day. Seeing them still together is making me depressed. I have a feeling he hasn't even ended his affair yet. He didn't even apologize to me once for doing this, he just said he didn't leave and that I should at least thank him for that. He needs to understand that we don't need him in our lives and he has to stop hurting my mom. I understand that their problems are none of mine, and that is why I haven't told my mom yet, but I don't know how much longer I can hold this secret in and have it eat me up alive. I hope everything is going well with you.
 

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Personally my dad cheated on my mom twice, i was very annoyed at first but as of today i couldn't care less about it, they decided to stay together fair enough.

I understand why my dad would, but i dont agree with it, to me its no big deal anymore.

We make this a way bigger deal then it is, it is their life not your.

Oh guess what? Im the one who made my mom find out.

Edit: FML, why do ppl renew 3 years old threads really?
 
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