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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't have a girlfriend, but more of a friend whom I hook up with and it is eventually going to lead to more(it's pretty clear). We are just going slow because her friends don't like our little thing that much and because she was in a rocky relationship before. All the time, I get nervous about hanging out and hooking up. It's such old news to me, like I have hooked up a ****load of times by now. No matter what, though, I am always worrying. I try not to but I still do. My heart pounds every time I make a move. When the heck does it stop? Not only that, I consistently worry about things I may be uh...doing with my hands to her and what not is making her feel good and everything. Even when she shows signs of pleasure, I have disbelief in the situation and think I am doing such a horrible job. I can't shake this feeling. I get really depressed whenever I come home from being with her, even though I love the time I spend with her.
 

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I realise this probably sounds a bit obvious, and it can be easier said than done. But have you considered discussing how you feel with her in private about this? Even if she's just a friend - rather than a girlfriend - at this stage, communication is important when it comes to these things. And if she is a genuine friend, she will make the effort to understand where it is you're coming from. ;-)
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I realise this probably sounds a bit obvious, and it can be easier said than done. But have you considered discussing how you feel with her in private about this? Even if she's just a friend - rather than a girlfriend - at this stage, communication is important when it comes to these things. And if she is a genuine friend, she will make the effort to understand where it is you're coming from. ;-)
She actually knows about my social anxiety. I have a really good way of pretty much indirectly checking to make sure if she is satisfied, and it seems that she is. She says she is rather shallow when it comes to men with bad skills in that department, which is kind of sad, but the fact that she still talks to me and likes me even more does mean I am doing alright. We are really open with each other, we crack jokes about every situation even if I mess up. Still though, I don't know what it is, I just...cannot...shake, this, damn, FEELING! It's so irritating. The only way I'd ever be satisfied is if I had her hooked up to a lie detector. In the beginning I kind of needed direct reassurance, but now I don't ask like how I did or anything because I don't want to be annoying.
 

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I appreciate where it is you're coming from.

I hope you don't mind me asking - but is this maybe down to a bad experience/bad experiences you've had with women in the past and this is what's leading to current feelings of insecurity with your friend? I've had that type of experience myself, as it used to be I was rejected alot by guys (when a lot younger) and even now - though I am in a committed relationship - I do go through stages when I constantly seek alot of reassurance from my partner even though at the same time wish I didn't feel the need to and feel this is something I should have gotten over long ago.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I appreciate where it is you're coming from.

I hope you don't mind me asking - but is this maybe down to a bad experience/bad experiences you've had with women in the past and this is what's leading to current feelings of insecurity with your friend? I've had that type of experience myself, as it used to be I was rejected alot by guys (when a lot younger) and even now - though I am in a committed relationship - I do go through stages when I constantly seek alot of reassurance from my partner even though at the same time wish I didn't feel the need to and feel this is something I should have gotten over long ago.
The only bad experiences I have had was failing at sex twice (one of the times being with this girl): First time was the girl's fault (not this one), and second time was my fault because I drank too much. Really all it comes down to is social anxiety and that's it really. I stopped doing things with girls for a good 2.5 years, so I am relatively "new" in this game even though since the beginning of this school year I have hooked up with 6 girls (not too proud of it, I just got ahead of myself). I don't know, it's just my worrying nature.
 

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I understand what you're saying.

Genuine mutual trust is often something that takes time to build up in any kind of relationship - especially if it's new. Maybe you'll find that once more time has passed, and as things progress to a new level, that you'll start to feel better about things.

Hope that the situation soon improves.
 

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Reading this post makes me think: Social anxiety doesn't end if you get a girlfriend/boyfriend, if you get a good job and make a lot of money, if you buy new clothes and look nice, or make external changes. It gets better when you correct false beliefs, and work on insecurities.
 

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I'm thinking time is the only cure here, it sounds as though she's willing to give it to you

Reading this post makes me think: Social anxiety doesn't end if you get a girlfriend/boyfriend, ir you get a good job and make a lot of money, if you buy new clothes and look nice, or make external changes. It gets better when you correct false beliefs, and work on insecurities.
This is very true, above all we need to build our self-esteem & confidence in ourselves
 

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Yeah, I think the more time you spend with her, the more you'll figure out what works, so you'll be more comfortable.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Well, this big weight has been lifted off of my chest in a matter of one night. I spent the night at her place last night, and we got into talking and it turns out the reason she's actually going so slowly with me is because, (exact words), "I don't know, you really are like the first guy who I really care what you think of me." Then we got into talking, and I told her I am the one with SA and she shouldn't feel like that at all. We had good laughs about it, and it really was just great. I really do feel more confident.
 

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Good for you.
 
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