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I don't know how I came to this point. I've felt like giving up for a long time. But it seems my grey skies are finally clearing up, little by little. It came unexpected. Just like I woke up one day, afraid I was going to live, I wake up now one day, almost believing that one day, I will be fine. I will be happy. And I will be here to find out how beautiful life is without anxiety. I am here, to stay. And I will stay. Not for anyone else's pleasure, but for my own. Because I don't want to die. I want to live to see yet another sunset. To travel the world. To see the wonders of nature. To see kindness on people's faces and to feel real love some day.

I am currently both taking medication and going to therapy. It's confusing and different. But it feels as if I am slowly uncovering my true personality. I recognize pieces of how I used to be. No, that's not true. I picked the shattered pieces up from the floor and built a new me out of it, and this new me is a beautiful, kind, warm, funny and caring person. Just how I always wanted to be.

Recovery takes a long time and I'm nowhere near full recovery. I can actually be grateful that I got help so soon. Some people struggle with this for decades until they get their diagnosis and treatment for it. Wow. That's how I'd love to feel again. Grateful. Hopeful.

I know this feeling won''t last very long. But that I am feeling it now, for just a short period of time, is enough, it's a start. With what we have, you can't just get better like that, it won't suddenly happen, like you'll have some sort realization and BAM! you're happy again. I realize that, and I'm fine with that. I have been feeling like crap day after day after day, sometimes so bad that there really were no words to explain. But if I work on this, I can make it get better over time. It's in my own hands. And I can do this. For I am here to stay.
 

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Stick with the treatment and don't give up. You have a rich full life ahead of you. I wish you the best of luck going forward.
 
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