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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I want to to know if this is normal or does it only occur in some men? I know as a woman if I loved someone I would think I wouldn't want to sleep with others. I am just asking if you would feel the desire to. Not if you would actually do it. Please be honest.
 

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king of the road
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Honestly, I personally don't. I still notice girls, and will aknowledge them as attractive, but I don't feel a desire to sleep with them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Would you feel the desire to cheat more in a situation that involved you being alone with a person that you used to be romantically involved with? But at the same time you are in a committed relationship with someone else?
 

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This is a relief to hear, as it's something I've been wondering about too. Even though my partner hasn't given me cause to suspect that he would want to sleep with anyone, well besides saying that he wouldn't be as attracted to me if I were to put on too much weight. I found this rather insensitive and shallow, though he puts it down to being honest. Ironically this makes me feel like comfort eating as I suffer with low self esteem and trust issues.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
This is a relief to hear, as it's something I've been wondering about too. Even though my partner hasn't given me cause to suspect that he would want to sleep with anyone, well besides saying that he wouldn't be as attracted to me if I were to put on too much weight. I found this rather insensitive and shallow, though he puts it down to being honest. Ironically this makes me feel like comfort eating as I suffer with low self esteem and trust issues.
That is a horrible thing to say! You should not allow people to speak to you like this. I don't know the guy but he doesn't sound like a good guy. I am sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard to not let yourself be treated unkindly if you are in love with the person. But I hope you can confront him about it and tell him that it makes you feel bad. No boyfriend or girlfriend should say that to someone. It is supposed to mainly be about what is on the inside.

It seems I too get hurt by the unfair actions of guys. Why can't I find a nice guy that loves me? :(
 

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king of the road
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Would you feel the desire to cheat more in a situation that involved you being alone with a person that you used to be romantically involved with? But at the same time you are in a committed relationship with someone else?
There isn't really anyone that I used to be romantically involved that I would want to be involved with again, regardless if I'm in a relationship or not. I'm currently in a relationship, and there has been instances that I've been around exes(not by choice, we just have mutual friends) and I haven't once thought about them romantically.

I can't really speak for all guys though. Obviously there are men that would think about this.
 

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Thanks alot for your reply as I've thought it's been me who's had the problem, in being over sensitive. I also think (and know) that it's what's on the inside that really counts. I have told him how bad it makes me feel but he is so confident in that what he says is right and it's for my own good. Thing is, he is more overweight than what I am, which is totally irrelevant to me anyway!!
Maybe it's just as well we live in different towns, though I have given him alot of grief with my lack of trust & he does have some good qualities...but I shall not tolerate being treated unfairly!! In fact this will be my new motto!! Cheers m'dears;)
 

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That is a horrible thing to say! You should not allow people to speak to you like this. I don't know the guy but he doesn't sound like a good guy. I am sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard to not let yourself be treated unkindly if you are in love with the person. But I hope you can confront him about it and tell him that it makes you feel bad. No boyfriend or girlfriend should say that to someone. It is supposed to mainly be about what is on the inside.

It seems I too get hurt by the unfair actions of guys. Why can't I find a nice guy that loves me? :(
I'm going to play devil's advocate with this one.

I don't find overweight women attractive. (I'm not talking about a few extra pounds or "meat on her bones", I'm talking about plain being fat or obese.) It's not physically attractive to me, and more importantly, it is a health issue. If I'm ever lucky enough to find a woman to love, part of the goal for the relationship would be to lead a long and healthy life, and that includes being in good physical shape. I'm at a turning point in my life where I am expecting myself to be in better physical shape, and I don't think it would be unfair to expect that of my partner as well.

(If the boyfriend in this situation is overweight himself, then he is a hypocrit and deserves anything he has coming to him.)

I'm not saying that what is on the inside doesn't count, but what is on the outside has to play a role in any relationship as well. With the very rare exception, I don't believe there are any long-lasting relationships where physical attraction doesn't play a role.
 

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There's always temptation to sin....period. Having a girlfriend or a wife will not change that. You are still a person capable of doing just about anything. Thinking it and acting upon it are two different things. As long as the thought of doing so is handled correctly, there is no problem.
 

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This is a tough question because I don't think attraction is a choice. Things may happen where I start to get bored of the girl or the spark just isn't there anymore and I meet a new girl that lights that spark. I mean sometimes things like that just happen.

I can say that as long as I'm infatuated with the girl, I'm really not going to be looking for any other girl to be with. But then again infatuation doesn't last forever in most cases.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'm going to play devil's advocate with this one.

I don't find overweight women attractive. (I'm not talking about a few extra pounds or "meat on her bones", I'm talking about plain being fat or obese.) It's not physically attractive to me, and more importantly, it is a health issue. If I'm ever lucky enough to find a woman to love, part of the goal for the relationship would be to lead a long and healthy life, and that includes being in good physical shape. I'm at a turning point in my life where I am expecting myself to be in better physical shape, and I don't think it would be unfair to expect that of my partner as well.

(If the boyfriend in this situation is overweight himself, then he is a hypocrit and deserves anything he has coming to him.)

I'm not saying that what is on the inside doesn't count, but what is on the outside has to play a role in any relationship as well. With the very rare exception, I don't believe there are any long-lasting relationships where physical attraction doesn't play a role.
I know this thread is getting off-topic but I just wanted to say that is fine if you want a skinny girl. But there is no point in telling your girlfriend that. You are only going to hurt her feelings and make yourself look like a jerk. If she becomes heavier, no one can change that but her. Mentioning something like you look too fat to someone is not going to change their behavior. The only thing you can do if your girlfriend gets too heavy and it is that big of a problem is to dump her. She won't lose weight unless she wants to. Saying things like "I don't want you too fat" might actually make the problem worse by lowering her self-esteem. No one is going to change for anyone but themselves.
 

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I can honestly say I don't think I'd have serious thoughts of cheating, at least for a fairly long period of time starting out. Now, if you're talking about a marriage or a very long-term relationship that gets to 5 or 10 years in length, there's just no telling what will happen; either or both partners could easily become bored or distanced enough for temptation to overwhelm them. Seems to happen a lot. I'm not entirely convinced humans are innately programmed for monogamy long-term, but that's for another thread.

However, there is a big caveat to my "vote." It's easy for me to say I wouldn't cheat because (1) I have virtually no experience with relationships, so I probably see them through very rose-tinted glasses, and (2) I'm extremely undesirable to most women. Propensity to cheat is probably strongly correlated with having opportunities to cheat, methinks. If your bf is one to get hit on by girls every time he walks into a room, then not only will there be more opportunities for it to happen, but his confidence is probably quite high -- and you know what they say about too much of a good thing. Just look at all these politicians lately; even despite most of them having attractive spouses, their overinflated egos combined with abundant opportunities for mischief are apparently too much to overcome.

I could be way off the mark here, but I'd argue a guy who is not particularly attractive and/or has self-esteem issues may be less likely to cheat (on the flip side, he's also more likely to be "clingy," which seems to be a huge turnoff to most women; perhaps look for a happy medium in terms of confidence level?). I can only speak for myself, though. Hearing about guys who cheat on their faithful girlfriends does disgust me on a gut level, and I'd like to claim I'd never even entertain the thought if I was in their situation, but the fact is that it's impossible to know how differing inherent factors (physical attractiveness, extroversion vs. introversion, etc.) and life experiences (being hit on by women all the time and having your ego inflated vs. being ignored by them and having it deflated) might shape each guy's view of cheating differently.
 

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If I had a girlfriend, I don't think its possible to not find another girl who you would find to be attractive as attractive just because you're a guy and you're human, but you can choose whether or not to take it further by thinking about being with her, and I think its one of the choices that defines what kind of person someone is. So no, I wouldn't feel a desire to be with someone else if I was already with someone I cared about.
 

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I don't know how to answer because in the past when I have had GFs I would still fantasize about other girls but I would never actually cheat on my GF. So does that count as a desire? I mean the desire is there but I never would actually want to do it.
 

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Women cheat too you know. Just pointing that out since men have been singled out in this thread

I think the motives are probably the same for both men and women on this issue. I doubt anyone begins a relationship with the thought that they are not going to be faithful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Women cheat too you know. Just pointing that out since men have been singled out in this thread

I think the motives are probably the same for both men and women on this issue. I doubt anyone begins a relationship with the thought that they are not going to be faithful.
I only singled out men because I am a woman and I want to know what men do in these types of situations. I didn't ask about women cheating on men because it doesn't apply to me as much. It just is very saddening to think that lots of guys would just use me for sex and then abandon me without caring.
 

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Have I desired other women while in a relationship......yeah, definitely. I've been in a few circumstances in which i've faced some pretty extreme temptation. But, to this point i've remained a "non-cheater". woohoo When i'm dating someone it seems like my opportunities with women multiply due to the increased self confidence. Ironic, really.

According to researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University 54 percent of men think about sex several times a day, compared with just 19 percent of women. Apparently this is a low ball figure. Neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of "The Female Brain," writes in her book that men think about sex every 52 seconds, while women tend to think of it just once a day. Assuming 16 hours of being awake, this translates to a man thinking about sex 1104 times a day. Which interestingly converts to 69 times an hour if you round down.* I'm going to assume based on my own limited experience that the average man thinks about sex say 75 to 200 times a day.

What's my point? Well, I guess there could exist "freaks of nature" who could think about the same woman sexually 200 times a day. But I'm going to say that's the very limited exception. So, in conclusion two points:

A. If a man claims "I only have eyes for you".....he's lying.
B. If a woman believes "I only have eyes for you".....she's lying to herself.

If your significant other asks you if you think about other women/men what's the proper way to respond?? I guess that depends how much trouble you'd like to get yourself into/how open you are as a couple about such things/your stance on the morality of lying in certain scenarios.

Take that for what it's worth. Probably nothing :D

*Link To Interesting Article I Pulled My Data From:
http://channels.isp.netscape.com/men/package.jsp?name=fte/thinkaboutsex/thinkaboutsex&floc=wn-nx
 

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Have I desired other women while in a relationship......yeah, definitely. I've been in a few circumstances in which i've faced some pretty extreme temptation. But, to this point i've remained a "non-cheater". woohoo When i'm dating someone it seems like my opportunities with women multiply due to the increased self confidence. Ironic, really.

According to researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University 54 percent of men think about sex several times a day, compared with just 19 percent of women. Apparently this is a low ball figure. Neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of "The Female Brain," writes in her book that men think about sex every 52 seconds, while women tend to think of it just once a day. Assuming 16 hours of being awake, this translates to a man thinking about sex 1104 times a day. Which interestingly converts to 69 times an hour if you round down.* I'm going to assume based on my own limited experience that the average man thinks about sex say 200 or 300 times a day.

What's my point? Well, I guess there could exist "freaks of nature" who could think about the same woman sexually 200 times a day. But I'm going to say that's the very limited exception. So, in conclusion two points:

A. If a man claims "I only have eyes for you".....he's a liar.
B. If a woman believes "I only have eyes for you".....she's lying to herself.
If your significant other asks you if you think about other women/men what's the proper way to respond?? I guess that depends how much trouble you'd like to get yourself into/how open you are as a couple about such things/your stance on the morality of lying in certain scenarios.

Take that for what it's worth. Probably nothing :D

There are exceptions. Yes its very easy to give into temptation and entertain those thoughts of someone else, but you can take control over that. Its very rewarding when you do, so there's incentive to keep working at it.
 

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If I had a girlfriend, I don't think its possible to not find another girl who you would find to be attractive as attractive just because you're a guy and you're human, but you can choose whether or not to take it further by thinking about being with her, and I think its one of the choices that defines what kind of person someone is. So no, I wouldn't feel a desire to be with someone else if I was already with someone I cared about.
I totally agreee with that.
 
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