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I've been at my current job for 11yrs, in ways I hate it, but change is not easy for me. Before that I never stayed at one job very long. I've just dealt with my current job because it's a good income and there's no way I can replace it.

Due to recent events, starting June 1st, my doctor put me on FMLA for anxiety/depression...

I'm concerned about and reluctant to return to work, to face those people, and afraid that I may have anxiety/panic attacks at work. A lot of change has happened in the past month at work, a lot of added stress. I can't stand change... actually I use to be able to accept some change but right now I feel unable to cope with it.

I've thought about trying to force myself to deal with it, face my fears, return to work but it causes me to have severe anxiety just thinking about it. I feel like as soon as I return it will hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've been on Lexapro, Buspar, and now Paxil CR, I've taken Xanax but the psychiatrist that my doctor referred me to says it bad, he's never ever in 40 yrs prescribed it to anyone and I'm weaning myself off it. I know Xanax can be bad, I've done all the research on everything, that's one thing I have to do with everything. I've always been known as "Mr. Google", know it all, or will know it, with my coworkers.

The thing is, I don't feel strong enough yet to return to work, I feel weak when it comes to thinking about it.
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