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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Very rarely (once maybe twice a week) and VERY briefly (few seconds) I will get flashes of extreme cockiness, like so extreme that I feel no other human is worthy of my presence. It only happens when I am by myself though, never in social situations. It seems like this could be the real me overcompensating as it tries to fight back against my SA?

Ever have this?
 

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Meek
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Interesting - I had this happen whilst drunk (I'm not usually a cocky drunk) a couple of times at one of my lowest points during my first year of university. I think your explanation for it is likely right, never occured to me before.
 

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I wouldn't worry about that. Plus, having an ego in the end will not do you any good. People get hurt easily when their own egos are too big. Just try and work on building up your social skills and try and build up true inner confidence, not this short-lived illusion of confidence/cockiness.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I wouldn't worry about that. Plus, having an ego in the end will not do you any good. People get hurt easily when their own egos are too big. Just try and work on building up your social skills and try and build up true inner confidence, not this short-lived illusion of confidence/cockiness.
I'm not worried about it! It's the exact opposite of SA, I would much rather live like this than with SA if I could figure some way to harness it (and tone it down). I'm not worried about being a jerk and stuff because I'm not, but just the fact that I have this feeling inside of me, however brief, is a positive thing.
 

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I'm not worried about it! It's the exact opposite of SA, I would much rather live like this than with SA if I could figure some way to harness it (and tone it down). I'm not worried about being a jerk and stuff because I'm not, but just the fact that I have this feeling inside of me, however brief, is a positive thing.
Ok, fair enough, good luck man. But yeah, are you doing anything now to try and overcome your anxiety in social situations? Like exposure, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Ok, fair enough, good luck man. But yeah, are you doing anything now to try and overcome your anxiety in social situations? Like exposure, etc.
Nothing specific, I'm just living. Actually I would say I'm really making an effort to expose myself whenever I get the chance, and just be ready to cope with/accept whatever happens. CBT and questioning my thoughts and that type of stuff though I no longer bother with. I find that that just brings more attention to my anxiety. Instead I just am practicing to stay in the present moment.

Good question, you got me thinking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Interesting - I had this happen whilst drunk (I'm not usually a cocky drunk) a couple of times at one of my lowest points during my first year of university. I think your explanation for it is likely right, never occured to me before.
explain. How long did it last, how cocky were you?

And what were your lowest points? (actually that's rude of me to ask what someone's lowest points are haha, so no need to tell)
 

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Meek
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Oh God - I keep having to relive experiences I am not proud of, to say the least...but I guess it's therapeutic...well, in 1st yr of uni assumed I would make some friends easily enough - cos i'd never been in a situation where I hadn't known anyone before...course it wasn't that easy. I didn't click with anyone in my halls and everyone seemed so confident and so agressive. I forced myself to socialise with these people but I hated it and felt really awkward and it showed. I was miserable, couldn't go into the shared kitchen through fear so didn't eat and got horribly thin, spent all my time in my tiny dark room alone feeling depressed and missing my boyfriend (now husband) madly.

The times I got cocky - once on a night out with a coursemate for her birthday. I felt really insecure and out of my element. Her male friends from home were there and paid me a lot of attention. I did nothing bad at all...but I revelled in the social admiration and contact after being lonely so long, and for some reason thought I was the Queen of Hotness that night and became this Queen Bee ***** character completely unlike myself :/ I felt dirty and gross and disgusting when I woke up the next day.

The second time - it was at a student prom when I was with another group of people I felt no connection to/from. I felt uneasy and miserable and weird and isolated...but I suddenly got this egotistical feeling of self worth from my boyfriends' job, of all things :um :no I know I know, I said I wasn't proud. I had some weird reasoning in my head that if he'd go out with me then I must be special. And no, he doesn't even do anything fancy, haha. And I got agressive and loud and I remember a girl from my halls being shocked at my behaviour - in an admiring, good way...which fueled me even more. But again, I felt like crap the next day, and not just from the alcohol.
 

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I couldn't even begin to tell you the amount of time I've spent thinking about what it would be like to be "THE MAN". A person that everyone at least finds cool, and more than worthy of hanging out with.

Sometimes even in public I think that. Like I'M the one that matters. Like I'M the real deal.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Oh God - I keep having to relive experiences I am not proud of, to say the least...but I guess it's therapeutic...well, in 1st yr of uni assumed I would make some friends easily enough - cos i'd never been in a situation where I hadn't known anyone before...course it wasn't that easy. I didn't click with anyone in my halls and everyone seemed so confident and so agressive. I forced myself to socialise with these people but I hated it and felt really awkward and it showed. I was miserable, couldn't go into the shared kitchen through fear so didn't eat and got horribly thin, spent all my time in my tiny dark room alone feeling depressed and missing my boyfriend (now husband) madly.

The times I got cocky - once on a night out with a coursemate for her birthday. I felt really insecure and out of my element. Her male friends from home were there and paid me a lot of attention. I did nothing bad at all...but I revelled in the social admiration and contact after being lonely so long, and for some reason thought I was the Queen of Hotness that night and became this Queen Bee ***** character completely unlike myself :/ I felt dirty and gross and disgusting when I woke up the next day.

The second time - it was at a student prom when I was with another group of people I felt no connection to/from. I felt uneasy and miserable and weird and isolated...but I suddenly got this egotistical feeling of self worth from my boyfriends' job, of all things :um :no I know I know, I said I wasn't proud. I had some weird reasoning in my head that if he'd go out with me then I must be special. And no, he doesn't even do anything fancy, haha. And I got agressive and loud and I remember a girl from my halls being shocked at my behaviour - in an admiring, good way...which fueled me even more. But again, I felt like crap the next day, and not just from the alcohol.
It seems like it might be alcohol that causes this feeling in you?
 

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Meek
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But that's just it - I don't usually get cocky when I drink, even when I drink so much that I throw up and can't remember anything the next day I still feel too awkward to dance freely and I still question myself the whole time...except just these few occassions. Maybe it's one particular drink. Must find out what it is :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I didn't want to say this, but often times the feeling comes immediately after ej**ulating.

Is it just me?

This could also explain my hesitance towards girls who aren't really pretty/good personality because I know I will feel like I let myself down after I did anything with them. I can only speculate though.
 

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Meek
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:lol

Maybe for you it's a relaxation thing? I can't say I experience whatever the female equivalent would be myself but I get how you'd feel euphoric and how that'd affect how you feel about yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
:lol

Maybe for you it's a relaxation thing? I can't say I experience whatever the female equivalent would be myself but I get how you'd feel euphoric and how that'd affect how you feel about yourself.
I have no idea. I know the chemicals in the brain are affected when you do it. And I love how we don't even know what the female equivalent is haha.

I think that if I had s*x with a girl, when it was done I would immediately feel disgusted with the girl (if i got this same feeling, I can't be sure that I would until I do it) and I would probably just want to leave. It could be the exact opposite though and I would want to hug her and stuff... idk.
 
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