Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
581 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am a 20 year old guy. I've spent the past couple years really working on my anxiety. It's still there, but I am much more in control now. So I am finally about to end up in my first relationship with a girl. We've actually been seeing each other since September technically, but we moved slow and there was a period of about two months in there where we were kinda sporatic. But we talked and we want to take it further and we are going out Saturday.

She's had a couple short relationships. A couple recent flings too (which kinda concerns me, but I had a couple moments too, so can't hate).

But my main concern is that this is my first ever relationship at 20. That's late. I'm also pretty much a virgin (not technically......had a one night stand thing and I could not get up). I know she's more experienced. Like I am super nervous to have sex with her because I actually really, really like her. That's not what the thread is about, but it's still a major concern.

I guess what I'm looking for advice on.....what are common mistakes guys make in their first relationship that I should be aware of? Are there any tips you would have for relationships in general (especially for a 20 year old college student)? Seriously, I have gotten over much of my anxiety because of learning from mistakes. But my goal is to not make this relationship a mistake; I would love to have something meaningful.

Thoughts?
 

·
Seriously , never serious
Joined
·
6,456 Posts
Don't be jealous
Allow trust
Have time together as well as apart
Don't use the LOVE word to soon then too much
Be random / picnics , outings ( they don't have to be grand things just little ones like a walk on beach or park , or zoo .)
Also take her out ( as much as it's hard to do )
Show interest in things she likes or at least try shel know your not but appreciate you care enough to try
When she's talking to her show interest and LISTEN ha ha
Don t be sad , be happy and positive and energetic and fun .
And most importantly be your self if it has any chance you have to be yourself and comfortable with and around her

Just some of my advice take or leave
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,970 Posts
I don't think that 20 is a late age to get into a relationship (I got into my first one at 26... so, yeah :D). Some people are just ready sooner and some are later.

My advice would be to be honest. Always. Don't ever play "games," don't be passive aggressive, don't think that you have to act a certain way to keep her interested, etc. If something is bothering you, say it out loud. Communication is key. If you two can be honest with each other, then you'll have something meaningful, believe me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
581 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yeah, we had some communication issues which is why it took so long. We both agreed that we need to be better at communicating.

Luckily, we both have our own lives too and we both respect that....I don't think it'll get to the point where she is the center of my universe, I'm very cognizant of that.

What exactly is meant by "games?" Or being passive aggressive?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,831 Posts
Don't try too hard to please her. In other words, don't try to impress her by being overly nice or generous. Just be yourself.

Don't automatically like/love her without getting to know her. Sometimes you can get carried away when you first meet someone. Take it slow and really get to know them and invest more into the relationship over time. Let her earn your trust and admiration over time.

Watch out for red flags. Don't ignore them. When we're infatuated we tend to ignore things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,970 Posts
What exactly is meant by "games?" Or being passive aggressive?
Well, for example, when you feel like talking to her, but don't call because you called the last time, and think it's her turn to call you now. So you play the waiting game to see who calls first.

Passive aggressive - displaying anger/frustration in non-physically aggressive ways. You get angry with her, and decide to show it by not talking (aka the silent treatment). Or you decide to punish her by doing something you know she'll be upset with. Etc.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154,234 Posts
Go slow, don't panic.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top