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Lonely Robot
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109 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'd forgotten about this website until I was searching for something on Google and the URL filled my browser, and it's probably a good thing I hadn't posted in years. I think I was using other people's opinions and thoughts to fill-in and try to fix problems that I needed to reflect on myself.

I'm still on medication (Zoloft for 3.5 years), but I dropped out of therapy, and most of my previous friends who I've written about are out of my life. I found out that our relationships were toxic, that most of them primarily tolerated/hung out with me because I would pay for stuff and give them free alcohol. Some of my new friends still take advantage of this generous nature, but at least things feel more balanced. Plus, a lot of them now urge me to come out with them and experience new things, rather than me having to gain the energy to organize and invite everyone else out. Because of my new group of friends, I've finally gone to gay bars, tried ballroom dancing, etc.

Since I first posted here, I've graduated with a bachelor's and a master's. I still live with roommates, but that's only cause it's expensive AF out here - but at least now, I get to choose them and vet people a lot more closely. I actually enjoy my work (for the most part - some days its not great), but I no longer spend the end of most days longing for, or, in, a bottle of liquor.

I still hate the phrase, it gets better though, but I can't think of any alternatives to describe the last year or two. Yes, I've had days where I've done poorly and done things I wish I hadn't (mostly risky behaviors), but at least it's not constant. So yes, I think past me would be proud.
 

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experimental sincerity
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1,416 Posts
I don't know you but congrats on taking things forward in your life. Sometimes it all it takes and the momentum gradually pushes you to make ever better decisions. I've been looking at a lot of financial graphs lately and I'm tempted to compare it with the U.S. equity index - there are highs and lows but when you 'zoom out', you see a strong upward trend and the dips now are just that - dips, rather than earth-shattering catastrophes.
Steering the drunken boat that is our life with any amount of confidence is no easy task so you have a right to be proud of your achievements. Also, gay bars and ballroom dancing are things of beauty and joy : )
 
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