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Socially Backwards
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Today is the first day in a long time that I was able to go through my day and actually have social interactions with feeling overwhelmed by anxiety.

First thing in the morning I had to drop off my mom's car at the repair shop. Talking with the mechanic telling him the problems I felt some anxiety and kinda stumbled on my words but i had something written prepared, as I always do so i kinda just read off that.

After that took the bus to work. bus was pretty empty and a lot of open seats, I sat in the back where I usually do. on the seat across of me was a cute girl sitting by herself. i was kind of glancing at her now and then on the trip to town. after a while i decided maybe I should try talk to her. I figured what the hell do i have to lose, ill probably never see her again anyways. she was reading a book so i was going to ask her what book she was reading.

my anxiety at this point was through the roof, i was sweating and could feel my heart pounding. but i guess i didnt speak loud enough, (though she did have earphones and the AC was making noise) she didnt hear me. i tried getting her attention twice, say hey, what book you reading. she didnt even look at me but i her defense, i think she simply didnt hear me.

i was nearing my stop so i just didnt say anything else and got off. kinda felt really disappointed afterwards. i know its not a big deal but damn, at least i tried.

it was weird but after that instance of high anxiety its like the anxiety went out of my body for the rest of the day.

I have an on campus college job in IT and sometimes my SA really comes out working with other students. however today i was pretty good, the SA was almost non-existent. usually my co workers start conversations with me first but today I initiated some conversations and i think they went okay.

i saw some class mates I know and usually if they dont say hi to me first, i wont. today i went up to some people i know and just said hi, how they're doing. one of them was a girl i knew from high school and had a brief conversation about classes, etc.

some of this might seem like little things but for me its sorta a breakthrough. wish i could feel like this everyday. and on a side note i dont know if thats whats doing it, but i started 20mg of Celexa a little under 3 weeks ago. funny but last week was one of the worst weeks as far as the social anxiety goes so, i dont know.
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