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Hi all,

I hardly ever post here but i thought I would this time. A couple of weeks ago, I thought it was a turning point for me in my life. I have always been distant and isolated. I have no friends or any close relationships. You can pretty much classify my personality trait as being a "loner" or one who does not like to interact with people or as little as possible. I try to somewhat blend in and attempt to make conversions etc and people don't see the real me, but deep down I know each and every social experience is agonizing and feels unnatural. It's like a mask or persona i have to put on every time. Being 27, i feel like I am getting older and have a deadline to meet before being a loner till eternity.

Anyway, back on topic, what happened was there was this girl i liked at the local cafe where i grab my daily coffee. For the past couple of months, there's been constant jokes here and there from her friends about her and how she likes me. Being SA, i thought it couldn't be possibly true for anyone to be even remotely attracted to me in anyway shape or form. Anyway, i managed to get her number after 5 whole months. So i texted her one night and that's when there was a spark. We basically couldn't stop talking for several days. She wouldn't leave me alone and at times i felt as if she was obsessed with me. We at some nights talked well into the morning 3-4am.

We had many interests in common and had the same views and outlooks in life. She was really impressed with me about how I had my life on track and how I had everything going for me and how she "looked" up to me and how i was more mature. I explained the only thing i had missing in my life was a companion. But deep down, i had many other problems. However, when talking to her I could feel a genuine connection. This was all a good feeling, I just felt like this girl had brightened up my life and everyday I could feel myself overcoming every form of anxiety and the issues that i constantly face in my life. I felt more confident.

I organized one day for our first "formal" date. This was just a coffee nothing more. She seemed very keen although had a few self confidence issues of her self, she kept iterating that she wasn't at my level and that I would reject her after meeting with her and that she didn't look attractive and that I would turn her down etc.

This "date", we chatted for a couple of hours. I felt it all went well. This is when i felt down hill for some reason. I texted her as soon as we met and explained how i liked spending time with her. I didn't get a response till how about 2-3 hours later. Anyway, she said she felt the same and really liked me etc etc. So i asked if we could meet again and do something else. She said yes, and we arranged to go watch a movie next weekend.

So, for the following nights after the date we texted. I felt a different vibe. I felt as if she wasn't interested as she was in the past few weeks. I kept asking if she really liked me and if anything has changed, she said NO NO, i really liked having coffee with you etc etc and want to meet again and that she still felt the same way. We talked over the phone, I could feel a mutual connection and so could she.

Anyway, that week she had a few "phone issues" and would rarely talk. I texted her and there was perhaps a four day gap since i last received a response. She texted back after the fifth day of silence and said she hasn't heard anything back from me blah blah blah. Anyway, i attempt to make contact to no avail.

Then finally, the day we were suppose to meet she texts me back a message to what could be explained as the most agonizing text messages in my life. Saying this:

"I have been really busy lately, sorry i couldn't get back to you my life is getting unpredictable and i'm not sure if I will be available as much as you want me to for this relationship to work. It's unfair to keep you waiting." She then says how her weekends tied with all the work she has to do.,

????? So what i take from this is a dump message.

I try to justify my stance and say I am patient, I won't force you into anything and that we can take it slow and if you're not interested to let me know.

I asked her if could have a talk to her, she ignores my messages.

From what i gathered, she has a part time job, rarely goes out and has even admitted to having not much of a life. I could see that. For someone to get busy as this, seems very unreasonable and is basically a rejection.

I feel now i'm in a position, where I have waited 27 years for this random opportunity, felt as though I made a genuine connection, made plans with her only for it to backfire on me. The worst thing NOW is overanalyzing it and constantly think I'll never meet anyone again because my social barriers are non-existent. I feel my life is over and will be alone forever


What do you guys think? Did she just didn't like me when we met in person and maybe so was too affraid to admit it or was her reasoning of having a busy life reasonable and genuine?
 
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