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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does anyone else have a hard time with this? For a while now I have had a very hard time focusing on what I really need in order to better myself. For instance, my family, education, and career are very important to me and should get most of my energy and time, but I become distracted easily. I feel like I am in a constant state of revery and always day dreaming about finding the right partner. Personal struggles and being unconfident in myself makes it easier for me to loose focus on things that could better my life. I need to get out more as well, but feel stuck in this state of mind that things will always be the same. I need to forget about what I really want right now, like a relationship among other things and focus on what I need this is just easier said than done.
 

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Actually yeah. While my life is pretty good, I've been spinning my wheels for years, just basically doing variations on the same thing. Finding the right partner has always been my number one priority, and so I haven't really bettered my career or education in ages. When I think of all the other issues I think, yeah, those are important...I should do that stuff! But when it comes down to it, as you said it's really hard to focus elsewhere.
 

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I can definitely relate to this. Especially getting caught up in wanting a relationship. My desire for a meaningful relationship can become so strong that I really start to lose focus on other things in my life and I daydream constantly. This happens especially after I've been single for a significant amount of time. It makes it much more challenging to balance the other areas of my life and have patience for everything to develop naturally. I wish I could shut off certain desires sometimes because they become very intense and then I don't know how to manage them or push them away.

I still try to make improvements in my life. What usually goes through my mind is that if I complete certain goals, then maybe it will be easier for me to find the relationship I want. So my only advice would be try to utilize some of the daydreams as motivation towards improving all areas of your life. Look at doing so as stepping stones toward what you want most. That's the best way I can look at it, but even then it can still be difficult.
 

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Yes, this is something I've been dealing with in a big way in the last 2 years. I worked so hard getting my education and career where I want them with great focus. But, once that was accomplished, I started slipping in my motivation for anything else. I do really want a good relationship with a guy, however, the times that I have tried have been awful. So, in the last few years, I've just been going through the motions at work and doing absolutely nothing in my free time...basically staring at the wall daydreaming. I can't find the motivation or focus to get on track.

I need to get out more, too, but don't. I guess I'm lucky that I have my career and education, but it's all so empty to me.
 

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Yes, this is something I've been dealing with in a big way in the last 2 years. I worked so hard getting my education and career where I want them with great focus. But, once that was accomplished, I started slipping in my motivation for anything else. I do really want a good relationship with a guy, however, the times that I have tried have been awful. So, in the last few years, I've just been going through the motions at work and doing absolutely nothing in my free time...basically staring at the wall daydreaming. I can't find the motivation or focus to get on track.

I need to get out more, too, but don't. I guess I'm lucky that I have my career and education, but it's all so empty to me.
Yeah, most of the time I really couldn't care less that I went to college and got a decent job, seriously. I'm glad I did, but I've never felt celebratory about it. My thought has always been, "I'm happy in love," or "I'm unhappy because I don't have anyone." Lately I've been feeling pretty good being single and...interested...but it hasn't necessarily helped me focus on improving life otherwise.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Yes, this is something I've been dealing with in a big way in the last 2 years. I worked so hard getting my education and career where I want them with great focus. But, once that was accomplished, I started slipping in my motivation for anything else. I do really want a good relationship with a guy, however, the times that I have tried have been awful. So, in the last few years, I've just been going through the motions at work and doing absolutely nothing in my free time...basically staring at the wall daydreaming. I can't find the motivation or focus to get on track.

I need to get out more, too, but don't. I guess I'm lucky that I have my career and education, but it's all so empty to me.
I have a good career too, and I should be excited & motivated about work paying for me to get Microsoft certified because I have a good future with this job, which I am excited and grateful, but my desire for a girlfriend is greater at times.
 

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Yeah, most of the time I really couldn't care less that I went to college and got a decent job, seriously. I'm glad I did, but I've never felt celebratory about it. My thought has always been, "I'm happy in love," or "I'm unhappy because I don't have anyone." Lately I've been feeling pretty good being single and...interested...but it hasn't necessarily helped me focus on improving life otherwise.
This is me exactly. In fact, when my family tries to tell me I have so much going for me, why are you unhappy, you have a good education/career...I wish I wasn't as successful in those area's. But, then they'd push me to only work on my education/career, not caring that those things aren't what makes me truly happy. And, I'm also okay being single (I get to do what I want)...I think it's part of the reason I'm not motivated enough to try harder to become unsingle. But, my life is slipping by, and I don't really want to be alone!

I have a good career too, and I should be excited & motivated about work paying for me to get Microsoft certified because I have a good future with this job, which I am excited and grateful, but my desire for a girlfriend is greater at times.
I wonder if you had a loving relationship with a girl if you would be more motivated at work...helping you to focus? I don't know since I haven't exactly had a healthy relationship with any guys. Those that were bad, I actually threw myself into work.
 

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This is me exactly. In fact, when my family tries to tell me I have so much going for me, why are you unhappy, you have a good education/career...I wish I wasn't as successful in those area's. But, then they'd push me to only work on my education/career, not caring that those things aren't what makes me truly happy. And, I'm also okay being single (I get to do what I want)...I think it's part of the reason I'm not motivated enough to try harder to become unsingle. But, my life is slipping by, and I don't really want to be alone!
That's my take on things too. Does your family ever tell you that you'd be "much happier" if only you had another degree or two? That's what mine does. "What you really need is a master's degree," my mother says with a smile. "Then you could get so many jobs that would make your life great" :roll. I think my family puts too much emphasis on the career, whereas I put too much emphasis on the relationship. We basically can't communicate about either topic.
 

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That's my take on things too. Does your family ever tell you that you'd be "much happier" if only you had another degree or two? Lol mine does. "What you really need is a master's degree," my mother says with a smile. "Then you could get so many jobs that would make your life great" :roll. I think my family puts too much emphasis on the career, whereas I put too much emphasis on the relationship. We basically can't communicate about either topic.
Yep, I mentioned getting my master's one time, and they never forgot it. So, I ended up getting my master's. I was supposed to get my CPA license, but I'm so burnt out on it all that I haven't. I don't even think I really want it, but my family constantly asks how studying is going...for 2 years now :lol. They also think I live in the wrong city, and that's what's causing me to be unhappy. It's quite ridiculous. I'm not a fan of this city, but the jobs are here, at least. I really don't talk to them much about my personal life anymore...nothing good comes out of it :). Honestly, I don't think they even know me these days.
 
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