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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys, my name is Tristan and I seriously should of done this a looong time ago. I'm feeling now more then ever that I have social anxiety. I dont think I'm interacting any less with people now then I was in the past, but I'm now taking the time to analyze myself and making the attempt to understand who I am.

Let me tell you a little about my history with social anxiety and how I feel it sprouted. To start off on the wrong foot, I was raised by parents who had social anxiety themselves. My father never had any friends and my mother was in a very similar boat although she had people she networked with for business. Their lives were eachother, and I dont ever remember in my entire childhood my father ever having a friend to the house..he went to work and came home.

In elementary school I feel that I had a good amount of friends whom I spent alot of time playing with, I was fairly normal. Once by baby teeth fell out and my adults started growing in was when everything went haywire for me. I spent all of 5th-9th grade with absolutely no loyal friends because of my buckteeth. I didnt speak, I didnt want to stand out, I didnt want to be noticed. Whenever a peer looked at me it was followed by teasing. So I basically came to hate people and school.

When I was in 9th grade my mother left my father which led to his suicide. This obviously wasnt beneficial to me in any way, he was my hero and a brilliant man. Since leaving the constant social stimulation of highschool (which went ok) I have made a point to always have a girlfriend as I didnt hold friends well and could never hold a conversation with anyone. I did get my teeth fixed a few years ago, but I still feel overwhelming anxiety whenever in a social setting. I don't know what to say, I dont know what to talk about and I just get to the point where I feel so down about the situation that I just need to leave it immediately. When I'm alone I feel depressed, when I'm around others I feel anxious. I need to get my brain to the point where it can operate around other people without simply going into overdrive without any information to relay. That's the problem, once Im around people I cant pick any information from my head to present..until Im out of the conversation, then I think of a million things I could of said.

As of right now my only salvation is my loving Fiancee, who is very gifted socially and is trying her best to help me with my problems. I feel very comfortable around her, but can't get myself to hang out with her and other people simultaeously..It's causing some stress between us as she would really like to go out together and have a fun time with other people.. but I just simply cant do it, she even had to coax me for 20 minutes a couple weeks ago to even go back to her friends apartment after she said we'd be right back. She's always been the center of attention her entire life, academicly and socially so that really makes things intimidating when I have myself to compare to her... I know I posted this in "the first step" (or whatever its called) but it seems like all you get over there is automate messages welcoming you to the board. I'd like someone to actually read this and give me some input. Thanks in advance
 

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I'm sorry you had to go through with that about your family.. although it seems like you spend a great deal of time thinking about the past. High school doesn't matter in life do you see yourself now as you were then? it sounds silly.

Also you do have someone who understands you, your fiancee so that's a gift. But she seems to force you into situations you don't want to be in (I'm sorry if it's to much speculation from just your short story) although it is a good thing to be forced out of your comfort zone and into social situations, it's also a good thing to take your problems slowly, because if you rush then you're back at step 1.

There's dozens of things I can keep saying.... but basically in the end, you're mind is the only one who cares. Other people have their own issues and they think theirs are the biggest problems in the world.
 

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I don't know what to say, I dont know what to talk about and I just get to the point where I feel so down about the situation that I just need to leave it immediately. When I'm alone I feel depressed, when I'm around others I feel anxious. I need to get my brain to the point where it can operate around other people without simply going into overdrive without any information to relay. That's the problem, once Im around people I cant pick any information from my head to present..until Im out of the conversation, then I think of a million things I could of said.
^That's 100% how i feel.

I feel sorry for you. I was bullied in elementary school because of my teeth as well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I relate to this so much.

You're so lucky you have your fiancee, a lot of people here have no one. Have you ever tried medication? It can be a huge help to get you on the right track, then go off it after 6 months or so...this is what I did, and even though I'm no longer on meds I have improved quite a bit. Also psychotherapy is a good start. But you need to find a competent therapist who knows how to treat SA specifically. Otherwise you are just wasting your time and money.
Yes, i am very lucky to have my fiancee, but this is causing some stress between us. We're currently living apart right now as it's the nature of her job. She has a very social job where shes living with people and always being stimulated in one way or another. Myself, Im prtty much stagnent with noone to hang out with, theres always my highschool friends but Im less then interested in their company these days. Whenever I talk to my fiancee I cant help but feel jealous of the fun shes having and the experiences shes partaking in (things I would have trouble doing from my SA). So of all things to solve the problem, I actually told her that it would help me if I simply didnt talk to her for a few days. Im happy for her and all but I just compare my situation to hers and just start loathing my life more and more. Im totally jealous of her! I feel like a spoiled little brat sometimes, I want her all to myself and get slightly angry and frustrated when I find that shes hanging out with other people. These are some pretty bad traits, i know!

I have considered medications, although i dont want to become dependant upon it. im afraid my personality will alter into something far out there like it did when I took ritalin as a child.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm sorry you had to go through with that about your family.. although it seems like you spend a great deal of time thinking about the past. High school doesn't matter in life do you see yourself now as you were then? it sounds silly. QUOTE]

I am nothing like I was in middle or highschool, but because of my past i have less then desirable social skills. i feel like I didnt improve socially from age 8-18, so I kind of feel like I have the social skills of an 8 year old. I have trouble picking sentences to continue a conversation and just find myself spacing off and throwing out random thoughts if I say anything at all. Although I am nothing like I was in the past, one of the most influential period of my life was spent being teased and bullied. Beacause of how critical everyone was of me, I feel that I'm quite critical of everyone else and set my standards high for those around me. I dont fulfill the standards I set, therefore I go into self-loathing mode
 
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