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Hey guys, my name is Tristan and I seriously should of done this a looong time ago. I'm feeling now more then ever that I have social anxiety. I dont think I'm interacting any less with people now then I was in the past, but I'm now taking the time to analyze myself and making the attempt to understand who I am.

Let me tell you a little about my history with social anxiety and how I feel it sprouted. To start off on the wrong foot, I was raised by parents who had social anxiety themselves. My father never had any friends and my mother was in a very similar boat although she had people she networked with for business. Their lives were eachother, and I dont ever remember in my entire childhood my father ever having a friend to the house..he went to work and came home.

In elementary school I feel that I had a good amount of friends whom I spent alot of time playing with, I was fairly normal. Once by baby teeth fell out and my adults started growing in was when everything went haywire for me. I spent all of 5th-9th grade with absolutely no loyal friends because of my buckteeth. I didnt speak, I didnt want to stand out, I didnt want to be noticed. Whenever a peer looked at me it was followed by teasing. So I basically came to hate people and school.

When I was in 9th grade my mother left my father which led to his suicide. This obviously wasnt beneficial to me in any way, he was my hero and a brilliant man. Since leaving the constant social stimulation of highschool (which went ok) I have made a point to always have a girlfriend as I didnt hold friends well and could never hold a conversation with anyone. I did get my teeth fixed a few years ago, but I still feel overwhelming anxiety whenever in a social setting. I don't know what to say, I dont know what to talk about and I just get to the point where I feel so down about the situation that I just need to leave it immediately. When I'm alone I feel depressed, when I'm around others I feel anxious.

As of right now my only salvation is my loving Fiancee, who is very gifted socially and is trying her best to help me with my problems. I feel very comfortable around her, but can't get myself to hang out with her and other people simultaeously..It's causing some stress between us as she would really like to go out together and have a fun time with other people.. but I just simply cant do it, she even had to coax me for 20 minutes a couple weeks ago to even go back to her friends apartment after she said we'd be right back. She's always been the center of attention her entire life, academicly and socially so that really makes things intimidating when I have myself to compare to her... Give me any input and Im looking forward to getting to know all of you!!
 

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Welcome, Tris :)
 

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Hey Tristan, welcome to :sas
 

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Hey Tris, welcome to SAS :) . My father also never had any friends. That's good that you've found a fiancee that wants to help you. Sorry to see it's causing some stress though :(
 

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Hi Tristan:

I'm glad that you posted when you did. I am new to the webboard and have been reading posts for only a few days now, but your post explains exactly what I'm feeling right now. I am just now discovering that this is what I have, that there are others like me, and now I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. My partner is also a center-of-attention kind of person, and I definitely rely on that. The other day we went grocery shopping together, and at one point he left me to go get something from another aisle, and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. That's when I realized that it was out of control. My background differs from yours: I don't see either of my parents as having SA (but they have other issues) but I also feel like my SA has been getting much worse over the last few years, I'm not sure why, but I'm afraid of it getting even worse, which is why I feel like I need to take action now. Keep us updated on your progress and self-discovery.
 

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Hi Tristian,

Yes, I was a bit like you too, I had always felt more comfortable talking to people on a one-to-one basis.

My condition probably started when I was in secondary school when I had suddenly started getting emotionally bullied by a gang of girls at school and they started to get as many people to hate me too. Before that, I had been perfectly fine and with quite a good network of friends. Looking back now, 12 years down the line, it was probably from jealousy. I'm angry, as it really affected my school work, I had to change to another school, but it also affected me in the long term, I couldn't interact with people anymore, I slowly withdrew from interacting with people, starting acting 'weird' if I did....and it has cost me my potential career and prospects, cost me socially, because I am so alone and oblivious to what is out there waiting for me...

You're very lucky to have your fiance, and I hope you manage to solve your anxieties because it would really make your fiance happy if you and her friends could all be together. Think of the wedding... :)
 

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