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It's been a couple of weeks since I got a referal to a shrink. I've been wanting to take that second step to make that appointment once and for all. I finally did this morning. It was ten in the morning and I had been up all night when I decided that today would be the day that I'd take that step.

I've lived in Germany for a while and I should speak German a lot better than I do. I avoid speaking it because I've had bad experiences with people when I do try to speak German. There are far more less understanding and patient people and I don't appreciate being treated like an idiot just because I can't speak the language properly. So I avoid it altogether.

It seems as though I can never win here. If I try to speak German then I get people who become impatient and condescending and if I speak English then they get mad because I'm not making an attempt to speak German. There are also people who obviously speak English but refuse to. I can understand German just fine it's just the speaking that I have a difficult time with.


I was freaking out because although I know what to say to make an appointment, I was afraid of making a mistake and sounding like a complete idiot so I just asked the secretary if she spoke any English, which she did. My heart was pounding fast before, during and after the phone call. I can't believe that I kept my voice so calm.

Anyway, I can hardly believe that I'm finally going to get some help! Strangely enough, I'm not too worried about what to say since I normally like to be prepared for any situation so that I can avoid any disastrous outcomes. Now I'm just worried about what to wear. Contrary to the adage that it's what is in the inside that matters, most people judge by appearance and what clothes one wears.

In this country, what you wear is very important. So are your looks, age, and your race. But why would an educated professional judge me by my appearance, age or race?

















Anyway, my heart was racing before, during and after that phone call. In my anxiety I even thought about canceling or not showing up at all. The secretary wanted to schedule the appointment for twelve o'clock today but that was just too sudden for me and I hate going into unfamiliar situations unprepared!
 
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