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breaking free
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Do you ever get the feeling that the whole world is just so shallow?

The whole reason I am trying to overcome my anxiety is that so I can finally feel a connection with another person. For them to really like and accept me for who I am- and for me to really like and accept them for who they are. I have been pretty much completly alone for the past 6 years (except for family). I am now kind of starting to feel like that is the way that things should be.

I thought people would accept me and like me once they got to know the real me. It seems like everything is so shallow though. Mostly everyone is focused on their own little worlds and could care less about yours. When they do talk to you, it is all just stupid small talk (i.e. what do you like to do for fun).

I thought I actually found someone that was interested in getting to know me. It was a guy at work that would get this really happy look in his eyes when he was talking to me, and he would always find some reason to talk to me. He was also kind of flirting with me too. I thought he saw something inside my new, outgoing personality that he liked. I thought someone was finally accepting me for who I was. Nope. I saw him acting the exact same way to a pretty girl that works with me.

I guess that is the way the world is. Nobody seems to care about you, nobody cares about talking about anything deeper than just small talk. Even having a relationship with someone is just a beauty contest. That guy just liked me for what my body looked like. He didn't like me for who I was. If he didn't like the way my body looked (or my face) he wouldn't have even talked to me.

Anyone else feel the same way? That the whole world is just so shallow. I seem to be the only person who actually cares about getting to know people better. The rest of the world just doesn't care. Maybe I am better off alone.

Does anybody else feel the same way or have any comments or insight to add?
 

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is getting over herself
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I'm afraid I don't have any insight - I'm just trying to get through this SA thing as well as I can. But, yeah, sometimes it does seem that way, especially when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.

However, I'd like to say that I've loved reading your posts, and I think you are, in fact, quite interesting. I like the things you have to say. So, I've noticed you, Freedom2010 - and no, I'm NOT coming on to you, lawl!

Sometimes, you have to cast a big net. It's difficult to make those connections, I mean connections that really mean something, that have depth. Lots of people "know" people, but if you're looking for major connections, even people who are easy and confident with people don't necessarily have many of those. They are just more comfortable with what you would consider surface stuff, I think. Ultimately, we are each one of us alone - so we build bridges. Some bridges are light and flimsy, others are made of sturdier stuff. and the older you get, the harder it is to build the sturdy ones. that's why, the more you mix and mingle, automatically your chances increase of making such connections. So, you mustn't let a few people put you off.
 

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Do you ever get the feeling that the whole world is just so shallow?

The whole reason I am trying to overcome my anxiety is that so I can finally feel a connection with another person. For them to really like and accept me for who I am- and for me to really like and accept them for who they are. I have been pretty much completly alone for the past 6 years (except for family). I am now kind of starting to feel like that is the way that things should be.

I thought people would accept me and like me once they got to know the real me. It seems like everything is so shallow though. Mostly everyone is focused on their own little worlds and could care less about yours. When they do talk to you, it is all just stupid small talk (i.e. what do you like to do for fun).

I thought I actually found someone that was interested in getting to know me. It was a guy at work that would get this really happy look in his eyes when he was talking to me, and he would always find some reason to talk to me. He was also kind of flirting with me too. I thought he saw something inside my new, outgoing personality that he liked. I thought someone was finally accepting me for who I was. Nope. I saw him acting the exact same way to a pretty girl that works with me.

I guess that is the way the world is. Nobody seems to care about you, nobody cares about talking about anything deeper than just small talk. Even having a relationship with someone is just a beauty contest. That guy just liked me for what my body looked like. He didn't like me for who I was. If he didn't like the way my body looked (or my face) he wouldn't have even talked to me.

Anyone else feel the same way? That the whole world is just so shallow. I seem to be the only person who actually cares about getting to know people better. The rest of the world just doesn't care. Maybe I am better off alone.

Does anybody else feel the same way or have any comments or insight to add?
You are absolutely correct. I made the exact same point to someone just yesterday.

Being that you're pretty, blonde and young I'm afraid you'll find that a lot of the attention you'll get is going to be from men, and it will primarily be because of how you look. Even someone who may be interested in you for who you are will, in the first instance, have their interest sparked by how you look. What other factor can a stranger who doesn't know you base their initial impressions on? Is that fair or right? Nope. But you aren't going to change the way the world works I'm afraid. Society values people based on how they look.

Of course, if you were unattractive, you'd have a hard time getting any attention at all. Is shallow attention better or worse than no attention? Well, that's something only you can decide.
 

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It's safe to assume that people are like you, not better, not worse. If you feel that you are not shallow, than you can assume that most of the world isn't either.
 

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I do like what Jane says ^

though, I too fall into the trap of feeling that the majority of people are more shallow, or vain than i. Sometimes I can't help feeling like many people have bought into the myth of 'the surface'. the way things look, the flashiness, the image. and it puts me off. even though, i myself get sucked into buying the image too - just an alternative image to the mainstream one. I want to learn how to overcome this and just let people radiate through all the external bull**** we apply to ourselves to make us seem more intersting or unique.

Freedome 2010 - a few things struck me about your post. First of all i can guarantee you that there are interesting and beautiful people out there who want deeper connections with people. It's just a matter of finding them.

You need to believe in yourself - that you are also one of these beautiful people. I can tell that youre lookng for something more in your life, and if you focus on the positive, i know you will find it.

The guy at work. As painful as it might seem, you need to look at that situation with reality. Maybe he was a nice person who WAS truly interested in what you were saying, and maybe he likes you a lot as a person. This doesn't always mean there is something more. Also, just because you saw him act this way with another person does not diminish his friendship/attraction for you in any way. You do not lose anything if someone acts in a pleasant way towards both you and someone else. You could just have had a misguided notion of where his feelings lay. And that's okay. It happens. On the flipside, maybe he was only interested in your looks - which happens too. Whatever his intention, it is your choice how to react to the situation.

What you need to be weary of is extending these feelings you have about one situation to the whole world
I guess that is the way the world is. Nobody seems to care about you, nobody cares about talking about anything deeper than just small talk. Even having a relationship with someone is just a beauty contest. That guy just liked me for what my body looked like. He didn't like me for who I was. If he didn't like the way my body looked (or my face) he wouldn't have even talked to me.
It's not realistic or helpful to model your worldview after one, or even quite a few, unpleasant or disappointing interaction. There are so many people and experiences out there. It can seem cold and scary, i know. But when you engage in life and it starts to work for you and you realize the possibilities, it is a magical feeling. I really feel it is a matter of finding your niche and the people you will get along with, on that deeper level.

I truly believe that when you work on yourself on the inside, the rest will follow. try to find peace.

I feel your pain sweetie, and i wish you all the best.
 

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It seems like most of the world is so confident in themselves, so unaware of any of the feelings that things like SA provides, they don't realize they aren't socially superior to anyone. They're cocky, basically, because they've never had to experience anything but a normal life with normal hardships and a natural ability to make friends. and their ultimate priority is "how does this benefit me?" Damn it. I can't explain it. But I do know what you mean, I think it every day. Not saying it's a bad thing because I also envy these people every day.
 

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I feel the same way about how shallow alot of people seem. I dont feel like i fit in no where because i may not look or dress or even pretend like i have money because that seems like the key to having friends where im currently living.
 

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I agree that many people are shallow, I don't know if I would say most are. Men tend to be more shallow than woman imo, at least in terms of relationships. The problem is that people seek immediate gratification in the physical aspects, such as sex, and aren't willing to delve deeper into a more personal relationship since it's not guaranteed that the reward will be worth the risk. Getting to know someone on a personal, emotional level takes a lot more effort and time.
 

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I don't have many peers no matter what. For me, people are either way too shallow or way too deep. I feel bored around shallow people and inferior around those who are much deeper than I am. I think I'm somewhere between the two extremes. I'm closer to being shallow but not close enough to be blissfully ignorant.
 

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I just feel I have NO connection to the world. When I see a bunch of people in groups - they're laughing/and seemingly have a good time - I dont envy them!! Thats an oddity -I feel that even if I'm in that group..I might just be smiling or booy-ea-ing for the heck of it!!! Like someone said - its probably because u need someone you're in greatly synch with to get that kind of great feeling..otherwise...I'd simply be deluding myself.

There's nothing worse than a fake smile
 

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I also have felt like this so many times. Sometimes, it's really depressing. Though, just looking the number of responses to this post, I think, demonstrates that the world is probably full of many more 'deep' or thoughtful people than we think.

Just another thought- I wouldn't judge the guy who was nice to both you and the pretty girl too harshly. He may be a genuinely nice person who really is just friendly to everyone. (Though, of course, I have no idea..ha.)

Anyway, I can completely sympathize with your thoughts. But I really think that even those who engage in the superficial 'small talk' stuff, have a lot of deeper things going on within their lives. It's easy to just toss aside the small talk as nothing, but it's the first step towards getting to know someone. (I have to remind myself of that all the time, otherwise I become rather bitter.)

Plus, we're all somewhat guilty of judging people based upon external things. I don't judge people based upon looks, but I have falsely judged people based upon their behaviours and later found out I was completely wrong about them.
 

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A Tribe, we need one.
Humans thrive in small social groups.

Capitalism is a root cause.
Workers are laid off. Abnormal people are discarded.
Nowhere to go but shopping, school, & work.
Love is a meat market.
People are replaceable products.

Capitalism is a loveless machine.
Burned and bombed in the 3rd world.
Alone and alienated in the 1st world.
 

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Modern people only care about money, and posessions. I wish life could be like it was when people were happy just with food on the table. My parents talk about how life was so good in the 50's and 60's and i believe them.
 

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Hey Freedom2010
I don’t want this to sound confronting or insulting or anything like that because I’m not trying to judge anyone, but It is sad but true that if you are not a “pretty people” type of person, the chance of meeting and getting to know someone who can relate and be sincere is all that more difficult. My only perspective for your story would be from a deeper and average looking man who has been interested in knowing someone like you and always overlooked for someone like the guy you described from your workplace. It is very depressing and discouraging for me because of my own lack of self esteem and SA.
 

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Your Assumptions
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I can understand and have experienced it all my life. Since I reached adulthood, the only people who ever approach are superficially attracted by appearance. This applies to all personality types and people of many different backgrounds. This is alien to me because I do not operate in such a way.
 
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