[Sanz]

I've noticed that I feel a large amount of guilt right after I talk to someone. It usually happens after a casual conversation or just an exchange of greetings with a neighbor or something like that. Its like I feel like I let them down because I wasn't friendly enough or talkative enough with this person and displayed limited social graces. I think it has much to due with the fact that I'm so depressed and anxious. Have other people experienced this too? How do you deal with it?

 

[danstelter]

I've delt with similar things...like if I were better or more interesting or something, then someone would have been my friend rather than an acquaintance. Eventually, I learned that those feelings of guilt are non-productive and instead concentrated on all the good things about myself, and I found quite a few after I looked for a while. This feeling is definitely one stemming from social anxiety.

The solution? Learn to let go of things and accept what happens, even if it might not be what you like. You cannot control situations and always get the outcome that you want. However, you can set the situation up for success by working on your anxiety and reducing it as much as possible and just focus on working on your relaxation. When you are relaxed and confident, you are much more likely to get the outcome that you want, or at least another good one.

The process sounds simple, but for me it took a few years of really hard work at it, but I'm glad that I did it.

 

[KyleThomas]

I've noticed that I feel a large amount of guilt right after I talk to someone. It usually happens after a casual conversation or just an exchange of greetings with a neighbor or something like that. Its like I feel like I let them down because I wasn't friendly enough or talkative enough with this person and displayed limited social graces. I think it has much to due with the fact that I'm so depressed and anxious. Have other people experienced this too? How do you deal with it?

I sort of know what you mean. I wouldn't say I feel guilt, but I definitely do the whole overanalysing thing. Did they get that jokey comment, or will they have taken it seriously and been offended? When they asked how I've been, why didn't I ask them how they've been? Will they now think I'm ignorant and inconsiderate? That thing they said - was it a joke, or were they having a sly dig? When I ended the conversation did I seem as desperate to get away as I really was? Will they think I was standoffish? Will they just ignore me in future? If I encounter them again, should I try to initiate the conversation next time?

I can spend a good hour analysing a brief chat that lasted less than a couple of minutes.

 

[marenubium87]

i have a tendency to do this a ton too. the experts call it "post-event rumination", i think. what's helped me is just to make a conscious effort to not think about it, at any possible cost. Eventually your mind starts to catch on to when you're doing it and it makes it easier and easier to stop down the road. I'm not claiming it's easy though. The meds I'm taking also help a bit to calm down the torrent of thoughts up there, and it makes it easier for me to consciously decide not to think about something.

 

[miminka]

Wow. This is exactly how I feel and I didn't realize it until I read your post. So thank you.

The problem is, I don't deal with it. I just beat myself up about it. Well, I go back and fourth between beating myself up or beating them up for bothering to talk to me.

 

[Oppilolik]

Even conversations from years ago, I still beat myself up for it. I've not a clue why though, everyone else has long forgotten whatever it was, whether it was significant or not.

 

[gewizz2]

if i feel the convo went very well or i feel i done a good job somehow i feel great, however like just now i sold a tortoise to a stranger that came to my house from a add on the internet. i couldnt of asked for a nicer buyer. i feel bad for a number of reasons. even though i gave him ten euros for petrol money. (btw henry went for 90 euros).
buyer did not want a beer for the journey home. i think we feel bad so often bcoz we feel we did not entertain enough. AND WE FEEL WE COULD have! so maybe us thoughtful people need to just try really hard to SHINE!!! (ENTERTAIN MORE!) THEN U WILL FEEL GOOD. ITS THE ONLY WAY IMO.

 

[BoringBum]

Meditation on mindfulness will help. Send me a pm for more info.

 

[rajjer01]

I used to have this all of the time, When i finally went through CBT and did a workbook it helped me get rid of a lot of that. The thing is you have to remember most people won't remember the conversation

 

[ToucanSam]

i have a tendency to do this a ton too. the experts call it "post-event rumination"

Me, too.

I've heard that one source of it is a childhood where the parents always guilt-trip a child for every minor infraction. Devout religious families tend to encourage this, training children to always second-guess themselves with the "What Would Jesus Do?" bs.

 

[Michael127]

What would Jesus do?

He would get beaten by the Romans, then tortured and executed.

 

[captain cosmic]

I've noticed that I feel a large amount of guilt right after I talk to someone. It usually happens after a casual conversation or just an exchange of greetings with a neighbor or something like that. Its like I feel like I let them down because I wasn't friendly enough or talkative enough with this person and displayed limited social graces. I think it has much to due with the fact that I'm so depressed and anxious. Have other people experienced this too? How do you deal with it?

I feel the exact same way. I feel like people think I'm cold.

Me, too.

I've heard that one source of it is a childhood where the parents always guilt-trip a child for every minor infraction. Devout religious families tend to encourage this, training children to always second-guess themselves with the "What Would Jesus Do?" bs.

I could see this being true. I definitely have critical parents.