Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,804 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So yesterday my boyfriend had a barbeque party thing. I was nervous about going because he didn't say directly he wants me to come he just was like are you coming?... That's really weird and needy lol but things had been awkward so I thought maybe he didn't want me there. I stressed all morning then made myself go because I'd regret it if I didn't and he'd have more reason to be upset with me. After a couple of hours things didn't feel so awkward with us. I was also nervous about whether I should bring anything or not and I didn't know who'd be there or what drink to bring or anything then thought if I do bring anything that opens me up to judgement but if I don't is it rude... so because I felt nervous about even going I didn't take anything... I feel REALLY rude about that... I don't know. I didn't feel like eating, I couldn't I forced myself to eat a bit. I didn't want to drink well I did for the obvious reason but felt rude cos I hadn't brought any contribution and get really paranoid about what I'm drinking and when people ask what you're drinking. I had a couple and made them last. Then most people had left just a few guys stayed. I feel like I've presented this image of myself that's not really me but because I'm nervous it's like I close off and think too much about what people are thinking. One of his friends said to me "you don't drink that much do you?" and said because he used to work where the rest of us do he was like "I find it usually drives people to drink" I usually drink quite alot funnily enough but when I'm with him I'm too paranoid and with his friends especially.

So then I stayed over with my boyfriend and in the morning he got up and went downstairs and he said he'd be back up in a bit but didn't come back for ages so I just got dressed and got ready but felt too anxious to go downstairs because I didn't know who was still there. I feel stupid for not going down. I dunno what's wrong with me I seem to be getting worse again. So I went back down with him and just sat in the garden with them they were all starting drinking again and I felt really uncomfortable so when he asked me if I wanted anything I made some bull**** excuse and said I have to go I was gonna go back in and get my stuff then go and say bye so it looked like I was just leaving without saying anything cos when I walked inside one of them shouted bye it was nice to see you and I felt like a huge *****.

I'm feeling crappy because I haven't been able to eat much this week and the physical effects are catching up with me and I feel like a child because when he asks me if I'm ok if I'm not feeling well I can't even say anything I just want him to hold me. I'm scared I've done something stupid or embarassing and I'm paranoid about going to work tomorrow. And he's not been in touch today and I'm scared to get in touch with him incase I've upset him or he's lost interest somehow cos he ignored my message yesterday so I'm paranoid about what to say... again that's weird and needy but it's just me. I sort of needed to get that off my mind. I should focus on the good things that I went and that things weren't as awkward when I was with him and that I sort of told him about my lack of experience although he prompted it out of me which in a way made it easier and he doesn't seem to mind but I feel really embarassed. And I'll feel embarassed after I post this I always feel humiliated when I post on here but I've spent ages getting this **** down so...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
544 Posts
Well it's good that you got it off your mind if you needed to. Try to move on and think of other things. Hard, I know. You already know that positives from the experience. Concentrate on them only. It was a good step to go. I'm sure all your boyfriend's friends didn't make judgements about you or anything and everyone feels awkard at times. Next time will be better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,804 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hiya thanks for replying.
It's just I can't stop thinking about things I've done wrong and being embarassed about things I'm not good at. It's just really hard to not think about. I just wish he'd reply cos I left him a message hours ago I hate when he just ignores me I just need some reassurance I feel like a moron for how I've been and I've upset him by being irritatable and *****y but he doesn't annoy me. I hate that I'm so complicated.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Hi, in my modest opinion you are not being paranoid or needy you just really need support from your bf and that perfectly normal between ppl who are close.There shouldnt be such a wall in communication between you two. Maybe you need to give him some time to think it over and get used to your situation and see what happens:yes
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
I go through those types of situations too and I hate it. But you are right, you should focus on the positives and try to forget the negatives even though it's so hard.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
164 Posts
So he ignored your message and then didn't call you for a day...? That doesn't sound right to me.

Does he know about your anxiety problems? If he doesn't, you should let him know pronto. And if he does, it sounds like he's being pretty incosiderate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,804 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
He doesn't know about my anxiety problems but that's my fault for not telling him. I don't know how I just told him I get really stressed sometimes. He knows I'm shy but that's just obvious. The message I sent him was to say I'm sorry I'd been iirritble (because he'd got upet about it... now he's trying to ignore that he did but I can tell.... and feeling bad :() and I need to talk to him but we've not had much of a chance lately. That was at around ten oclock and I don't know if maybe he's asleep he sleeps earlier than me cos my anxiety and **** keeps me awake sometimes... *stress* I'm trying to let him in but sloooowly I think it'll work out better that way. I still feel embarassed still aboout when I was with him and he could tell it was my first time I think because I was uncomrfortable but he said we can wait... I'm still embarassed. He's been great... and patient with me. I'm just gonna have to suck it up next time I see him but I get paranoid I just want some reasurance. Urgh... He's a good guy though.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
164 Posts
I understand. Sometimes it's hard to tell with social anxiety being in a relationship, paranoia can run rampant.

But, you should make a point sooner than later to tell him that you have social anxiety disorder, and let him know what that entails. For me personally, I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone if they didn't accept that about me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,804 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I haven't even been diagnosed with SAD but i think I have it I got diognosed with severe anxiety which I guess i guess is enough to say. I haven't seen him alot lately cos we've both been busy, I told him I'm finding it's awkard with him sometimes and he said it is for him too... because we haven't seen eachother for a couple of weeks. Then we spent last night together and he seemed very understanding although I feel like a child. I think thing'll get better now... Just embarassed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
I think it's better that you tell him.. I told my boyfriend that I have SAD.. He was really understanding although he had never heard of it.. He tries to help me feel better sometimes.. I don't think it takes a therapist to tell you what you already know you have.. If the symptoms are there, then you have SAD.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154,235 Posts
I am not sure where the embarrassment is from. It sounds like your boyfriend was wrong for not remembering that you were upstairs. He said he would be back, but never did. You were actually pretty patient. That is what it sounds like to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,804 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'm not sure either lol. I just always feel embarassed and second guess everything. It's the main part of my anxiety that I feel ashamed of not being perfect at everything... I mostly feel embarassed that I think I acted rudely and feel bad about it... If it's not one things it's another though this is just this one situation.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top