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Hello, im a 19 year old boy from denmark im half american and half danish, ive been feeling different from other people nearly my whole life

Let me tell u my side of the story,
i was born in helsingør, with parents that took drugs / alcohol addicts, they started fighting each other, but it didnt seem to bother me at all, i had friends and even had a good life back then, then my mom fled from my father cause he was like why are u drinking all that alcohol.
then moved to a shelter for womans or smth with kids, went to school in lyngby cant remember anything here at all.
Then we moved to bornholm cause my father followed her, and he even followed her to bornholm, she got beaten up by him cause she was still drinking.

Me and my littlebrother lived like 50 % at each when we moved to bornholm.
when we lived at my mother i sometimes had to take care of my brother like feeding him etc, "He was 2" when she was out drinking

even though my father was mentally ill..
then me and my brother moved to a foster family and i can remember my father had a knife under the pillow that he was gonna stab the police that came to get me and my brother to the foster family was so anxious at this time, i cant remember any bad things when we lived in "helsingør" but when we moved to the foster family i felt so different remember we got directly to the foster family without even meeting before.

the foster family had 4 other kids that simply was there cause they were problem Childs or had similar parents.

i felt inferiority complexes with they're own son since he could sit right next to the foster parents and we kids could sit like at the end of a table at dinner or something i felt they only had us for the money, and still does xD and stuff like that.

i felt quite popular at school i was good at sports i was always picked first, but i still had a major depression cause i couldent take people home, remember my first girldfriend when i was 15 we had to ****in sleep in different rooms remember in denmark u can **** at the age of 16 but it felt so different i could cry, + they had 4 other people in the family i nearly didnt know each, so there wasnt really a private life i had to take the bus 20 km to school and even just to see her, or be together with friends or having to go to football when i was 16 i got my scooter, finally i could drive around with freedom
also when i was 16 all other people other than my littlebrother and me was in the family left, and they didnt want other kids i dont know why tbh but

in 8th grade i started to skip school a lot cause i couldent present for my class (only got nervous when i started like shaking hands, i didnt feel this in what 7th grade or something

i think i skipped school 50 % of 9th grade like not being on time and just go out and play football the first 2 hours and take the next 2 hours in school and skip the next 2 hours by playing more football, and i felt very lonely in classrooms if i didnt have anyone to talk to, i started smoking in 9th grade also i think just to chat with people i was always a ANTI smoker cause my mom smoked like 40 cigs a day, now i smoke 20 a day.
i still managed good grades got 10-12 in each subject, and my teacher said before the examns that i wasnt good enough and i havnt followed my schedule but i still managed it

ive never felt i was ugly or not being able to talk, i think im a pretty open minded person if you begin to talk with me, but i still took days off later even though i had good friends, i rejected to go to partys i dont know why i do this but i have no friends now and i feel so lonely cant wait to move out of here (actually have my apartment waiting just waiting for my bed) :b

after elementary i took a year as a craftsman education like IT or bricklayer and stuff here i skipped a lot of school also but i managed to take the first year as a electrician and take the examns for that oh well i didnt want to do that well let me tell u like this i think i was on that school for the social part of it. i didnt have any motivation to get a job after this at all like 50 % of the classmates that i had there :)

after being a year there from 16-17 i started on a school for supermarket and office this was like a 9th grade and i really enjoyed this but i couldent perform any present so i quit after 1 year, but the social was perfect there.

so thats where i am now ive quit many educations just because the social wasnt alright, i couldent take any ppl home cause i felt so different from other people + there was inferiority complexes at home.
now i have to move out and i have nothing to do now, i have no idea at all i want to find some work just for the money.

also my father died from an overdosis in 2001.
and my mom still drinks like ****.

so i talked with a educator and he said he was suffering him self from anxiety for 2,5 years. and he said i should speak to an psychologist about my problems, ALL my life ive said no to this cause i felt i just wanna be NORMAL just like you, and speaking with a psychologist would just make me feel even more unnormal

that happended today

i have had girlfriends but i never invited them home, i have been partying and i have had a bigger problem with taking my friends home, so ive always stayed at my friends or sitting home and playing world of warcraft or something even though my friends think its a nerdy game i still did it cause i seriously had nothing to do.. i have felt very lonely and maybe i should have just spoken to a psychologist..

thats all thank you :)

my point is take professional advices even though u feel normal it never hurts, i felt that in denmark it was VERY different to speak to a psychologist about stuff and burst into tears or something i had nothing in mind but now i have realised that i feel very different from other people.
 

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You've had a very difficult upbringing, and I'm sorry for what you've had to endure.

It's admirable though, that you are trying to make something of yourself, and I don't think talking to a psychologist would be a bad idea. It shouldn't make you feel more abnormal if you simply see it as a tool for improving your life.

The cycle of broken families has to end at some point, and trying to make a difference in your own life will ensure that it does.

I think everyone feels abnormal to some extent, the important thing is that we find a positive and nurturing environment where we can gain a sense of belonging.
 
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