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I wonder if anyone can relate to the following: When I try to do stuff like painting, sporting then I become depressed. Because I'm feeling like I'm not doing things that are worth of doing. I feel like I have to get a job work all day long because otherwise I'm a loser because I'm not doing the things that others want me to do.
So I never really comfortable to do things like reading books or painting, making music. Because I become depressed of doing it. I feel like I'm not allowed to do this things, I'm only allowed to work and maybe once a week go to the bar, because that's what I'm supposed to do.
So this even destroys the few things that I can do with having SA.


Do you know what I mean? Or Am I the only one?
 

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I wonder if anyone can relate to the following: When I try to do stuff like painting, sporting then I become depressed. Because I'm feeling like I'm not doing things that are worth of doing. I feel like I have to get a job work all day long because otherwise I'm a loser because I'm not doing the things that others want me to do.
So I never really comfortable to do things like reading books or painting, making music. Because I become depressed of doing it. I feel like I'm not allowed to do this things, I'm only allowed to work and maybe once a week go to the bar, because that's what I'm supposed to do.
So this even destroys the few things that I can do with having SA.

Do you know what I mean? Or Am I the only one?
ya i kinda know what you mean. With my writing I feel like im wasting time sometimes and im just a loser who does it to make himself feel better. I do run everyday tho because I know Im good at it and it makes me feel better
 

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I relate. Whenever I'm engaged in any type of leisure activity, I can't shake the nagging feeling that I should be doing something productive to improve my circumstances in life, instead of just entertaining myself. It makes me feel lazy. Of course, I am lazy, but I'd rather ignore the reality if I can.
 

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Yeah, like shadowmask, I have felt that certain activities which aren't constructive in some way are a waste of time, and even though I like them, I don't enjoy it because I feel guilty afterwards. I've come to realise though that these beliefs are not mine but are most likely my parents' beliefs, from saying 'you should be doing something with your life', and so on. Now I don't care, because it's my life and if whatever I'm doing isn't good enough for them, they can basically get screwed. So now I can enjoy doing nothing, although I still struggle enjoying some things, like music.

Also it helps to try not to be so hard on yourself. I still haven't grasped this fully, but I'm pretty sure life isn't here just so we can get somewhere, or be someone... I want to get rid of this excess baggage I'm carrying around: the views of society, peers and parents which put fear and pressure on me.
 

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I guess i've always thought that being able to read, make art, and do hobbies was one thing I could feel good about and that social axiety couldn't affect since they are all things you do alone. I've met people who can't do these things because they are impatient and can't stand being alone for too long, so I guess i've always looked at it positively.
 

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Oh wow, I was just thinking about this today. Yes, all the time. I'll do something that involves me just sitting there and being entertained, and I'll feel bad about it because I'm just being lazy and like I'm not allowed to have any fun because I'm meant to get a proper job. I actually feel paranoid about acting really happy in front of my mum because I feel like she resents me given she works and I don't.
 

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I feel the same. Since being unemployed i feel that i should be looking for work 24 7 and i feel guilty doing my hobbies when other people are working.
 

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Same here! I have a lot of hobbies but when I'm doing them I feel real guilty about it. Any ideas on how to get over this?


- Shion
 

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I used to feel like that too, but I don't really find any activities fun now so I am apathetic about it.
 

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I grew up with a non-nurturing mother who did not believe in letting me have much fun as a child. Therefore, there are times I don't enjoy things as much as I could or I get bored and stop the activity. That is something about my personality that I really dislike, and it has to do with my upbringing.
 
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