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198 Posts
So I'm told that I'm very pretty, nice, and smart alot of times. And on good days when I feel sure of myself, I tend to feel that it's true. Thing is that on most days, I feel what seems to be the core of my SA: That no one would really like to waste time with me when there are more funny, outgoing, and I guess, "normal" people out there. This is a huge cause of my avoidant behaviour.
Now one thing that's been bugging me for a while is how I act around guys. I've never been asked out by a guy. Of course I've heard the same tune about how shy girls come off as not intrested. I guess it makes sense. But there are girls who are like me in personality, looks, and shyness who had some guy like them. But what gets me even more is that I've never really had a guy friend. While almost every other girl I know has had two or three. I've been able to have aquantinces that are guys. Guys who I talk to in class or friends of friends, but no one who I talk to outside of class.
I don't really know the exact reason why I can't feel as comfortable around guys as other girls. I guess one reason would have to be that I've been bullied alot in my early teens by guys (and girls too). Especially in terms of my looks and awkwardness. ( I was a real ugly duckling back then).
Also I have this stupid fear that a guy might think that I have a crush on him, whether it's true or not, if I act really friendly or make and extra effort to contact him outside of whatever setting I usually see him at.
It's a dumb fear, I know, and people usually tell me that anyone would be flattered to find out that someone has a crush on them. But this goes back to my original "no one wants to be with me" attitude. I feel that if it were any other girl they'd be flattered, but with me it would be different. Instead they'd be disgusted that someone like me actually likes them and would probably laugh about it to their friends, treat me like crap, think I'm a creeper, or keep far away from me.
There's a character in a book I used to read as a kid "Anne of Green Gables" who is a shy, kind old man with major phobia of women. He feels that women are secretly mocking him. In a way I feel the same way, except it's a phobia of men.
As a result I keep my distance, or sometimes act cold towards a guy right out. Not to mention I have major anxiety when it comes to having to go up to a group of guys around my age. And at times when I make myself look and act friendly, girls have no problem talking to me, but most guys ignore me and talk to other guys or a girl they already know.
Sorry if it's really long. I don't want a boyfriend, I just want to at least be able to get along with the opposite sex. I feel abnormal not being able to do so. Am I the only one who feels this way? How do you deal with such a fear?
Now one thing that's been bugging me for a while is how I act around guys. I've never been asked out by a guy. Of course I've heard the same tune about how shy girls come off as not intrested. I guess it makes sense. But there are girls who are like me in personality, looks, and shyness who had some guy like them. But what gets me even more is that I've never really had a guy friend. While almost every other girl I know has had two or three. I've been able to have aquantinces that are guys. Guys who I talk to in class or friends of friends, but no one who I talk to outside of class.
I don't really know the exact reason why I can't feel as comfortable around guys as other girls. I guess one reason would have to be that I've been bullied alot in my early teens by guys (and girls too). Especially in terms of my looks and awkwardness. ( I was a real ugly duckling back then).
Also I have this stupid fear that a guy might think that I have a crush on him, whether it's true or not, if I act really friendly or make and extra effort to contact him outside of whatever setting I usually see him at.
It's a dumb fear, I know, and people usually tell me that anyone would be flattered to find out that someone has a crush on them. But this goes back to my original "no one wants to be with me" attitude. I feel that if it were any other girl they'd be flattered, but with me it would be different. Instead they'd be disgusted that someone like me actually likes them and would probably laugh about it to their friends, treat me like crap, think I'm a creeper, or keep far away from me.
There's a character in a book I used to read as a kid "Anne of Green Gables" who is a shy, kind old man with major phobia of women. He feels that women are secretly mocking him. In a way I feel the same way, except it's a phobia of men.
As a result I keep my distance, or sometimes act cold towards a guy right out. Not to mention I have major anxiety when it comes to having to go up to a group of guys around my age. And at times when I make myself look and act friendly, girls have no problem talking to me, but most guys ignore me and talk to other guys or a girl they already know.
Sorry if it's really long. I don't want a boyfriend, I just want to at least be able to get along with the opposite sex. I feel abnormal not being able to do so. Am I the only one who feels this way? How do you deal with such a fear?