[Biscuit]

I'm female (18.), and I have this problem where I always start to have a crush on anyone (well...guys, anyways) who shows any sort of interest in me/is nice to me in any way.

I'm not talking about a guy who flirts with me, or is attracted to me or anything. i mean, literally, a classmate who speaks three words to me (i don't talk at school usually...). This also, unfortunately, extends to teachers. Then i act really awkwardly around them after they are nice to me.

Anyways, I tend to end up thinking creepy guys are really nice only to find out that they are, well, creepy people who talk to everyone.

Does anyone else (girls and guys) do this? It's almost some kind of hero/savior thing...they seem super in my eyes because they're actually paying some sort of positive attention to me.

 

[Perfectionist]

Yes, I defintely see where you are coming from. I do the same thing with teachers and classmates. If they do something nice for me, like help me with a math problem, I get all giddy and swoony. I think you explained it well - it's just the simple fact that someone is actually paying positive attention to you.

 

[Black_Widow]

I can relate only too easily. That kind of thing has happened to me on multiple occasions before also.

It makes sense really, as if someone pays you unexpected positive attention , it can lead to you feeling extra good about yourself which in turn makes you feel good about the person. The flip side of it though, is that unfortunately - when getting carried away with such feelings - it can be only too easy to start painting yourself a really positive idolised picture of the person in your imagination which - once you get to know a bit more about them - doesn't always turn out to be accurate in reality and can often (though not always) lead to disappointment. That's certainly been my experience, with quite a few past crushes.

 

[new shoes]

haha omg this happens to me too!!! but then, i try to think back upon their body language when they were talking to me and try to discern any 'interested' vibes from them....which it always turns out is not there. but the good thing that can come out of it, is once they break the ice and say something to u, it opens up the doors to communication and then u got urself a new friend! which may or may not turn into anythinig else.

 

[Black_Widow]

My doctor once said it's because we don't usually get that attention, that when we do it's intoxicating.
Even when the person isn't the best for you. Ugh :[

I think that's absolutely spot on. That definitely describes my past experiences. When I've gotten the attention I've literally felt as if I'm on one big high. Intoxicated would definitely be the right word to describe that.

 

[Jerzy007]

Good stuff, supportive feedback is the shizzle!

 

[Biscuit]

It's so hard for me to discern what their "intentions" are. I'm a little inexperienced when it comes to understanding social cues. Orchid20 and Black widow, you're exactly right. It's always so surprising to me because I see myself as coming off as really weird and awkward, so it truly is intoxicating for someone to seemingly ignore that.

Yay! it's nice to know that other people experience the same thing. It sounds quite reasonable the way everyone explains it

 

[Black_Widow]

It's so hard for me to discern what their "intentions" are. I'm a little inexperienced when it comes to understanding social cues. Orchid20 and Black widow, you're exactly right. It's always so surprising to me because I see myself as coming off as really weird and awkward, so it truly is intoxicating for someone to seemingly ignore that.

Yay! it's nice to know that other people experience the same thing. It sounds quite reasonable the way everyone explains it

You're certainly not alone! I think though, when it comes to anyone you barely know (i.e. you've only had the odd encounter here and there with them) in this type of situation then it's a tough one to figure out whether or not they really like you. It often only becomes more obvious over time as you get to know them that little bit better or at least interact with them more. ;-)

Yep.
So right now this guy has been text messaging me all day, saying all of this charming bs that he probably tells to a lot of girls. He probably only wants to have sex with me.
And what am I doing? I am texting back because I like the attention.
Ugh.
Yay for having f'ed up brain chemicals. :no

No harm in a little harmless flirty texting imo. ;-) But you are right at the same time for being that bit wary. It's not till you get to know a person properly that you can tell whether or not they're definitely dating/partner material for you.

Note: This is a very dangerous thing! Don't trust everyone who shows you a little attention.
(Although I feel hypocritical saying that)
You can get yourself into all kinds of messed up situations.
Creepy people prey on this kind of mentality

Tell me about it. :-(

 

[Jerzy007]

Sheeezzz, this is some powerful convo, I do my best to add value to anyone that's willing to engage my energy...boundries are the meat and potatoes, and I use a power greater than myself (My circle of trust, a group of people like us who are a Power greater than me trying to indentify and plan solutions for situations that baffle us, and GOD) for insight and the utilization of tools to make the best of relationships. I believe in giving people a chance but not leaning too heavily on them making them my Higher Power or trying to dominate them. There's a fine line between a pool and the ocean..

 

[Jerzy007]

haha omg this happens to me too!!! but then, i try to think back upon their body language when they were talking to me and try to discern any 'interested' vibes from them....which it always turns out is not there. but the good thing that can come out of it, is once they break the ice and say something to u, it opens up the doors to communication and then u got urself a new friend! which may or may not turn into anythinig else.

Nice feedback!! The New shoes I just bought were the Lebron James, Carmelo Anthonys, Via Spiga Suede joints (Hot) and some leather Cole Hahns...Im a shoe fanatic!

 

[Iced Soul]

Hm, I do it sometimes, too.
It's the lack of attention that keeps us doing it, or so my therapist says.
If you don't get out much, or even if you do, and you don't usually have someone going out of their way to be nice and friendly to you on a regular basis, we sort of soak it up like a sponge and get too into it, read too into it.

While it's nice someone is paying attention, you can't always tell what their motives are and it could harm you, so you have to be careful. It's hard to be careful when you're not too sure about being social in the first place, though.

 

[Jerzy007]

It feels good to feel good...I've had an opportunity to associate with a variety of people in my life because of I was high and emotionally numb (now that Im clean fear is more evident and affects my life) and honestly, most people aren't that bad, they're willing to help a brother or sister out, and are more keen to are emotional state than we think, chemistry is unexplainable...Share with the ladies on here privately anything you would perceive creepy and get some feedback...each one teach one.

 

[jollybeans]

Note: This is a very dangerous thing! Don't trust everyone who shows you a little attention.
(Although I feel hypocritical saying that)
You can get yourself into all kinds of messed up situations.
Creepy people prey on this kind of mentality

Advise taken. its scarey to know im vulnerable, i usually trust eveyone who is nice to me.

 

[Drella]

I'm the same way. I develop a huge crush on anyone who just acknowledges me. It's extremely pathetic.

 

[thewallflwr]

i'm the same way.
when teachers or adults do especially.
(i'm 17).
i usually end up just clinging to kids my age
as a friend, but it's different with adults for some reason?
sigh.

 

[jollybeans]

Yep.
So right now this guy has been text messaging me all day, saying all of this charming bs that he probably tells to a lot of girls. He probably only wants to have sex with me.
And what am I doing? I am texting back because I like the attention.
Ugh.
Yay for having f'ed up brain chemicals. :no

But how do you know if hes is a creep or if he's a good person?...i think its harder to know the diffrence when you have SA , since were not socially expirienced.Theres is this maintincene worker i talk to at work, Im the only one who talk to him people just call him crazy and ignore him. i tell him a lot about myself and i trust him a lot. im starting to re-think our "friendship" maybe im not seeing what everyone else is ,this guy could be a creep and im just blind to it because he nice to me and talks to me.

 

[Jerzy007]

Magnanimous

I'm the same way. I develop a huge crush on anyone who just acknowledges me. It's extremely pathetic.

Thats my favorite word: Lofty and Kinglike/Queenlike...It is referred to a merciful king or queen, what does it mean to you?

 

[lars]

R

 

[Jerzy007]

THIS IS SO UNFAIR...

It's no wonder social anxious guys crawl back into their caves. You've decided that a guy that shows you attention is some kind of creep..

COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!

If tried to talk to you and said that to me I would go catatonic for months and crawl back into my hole.

UNFAIR LADIES>>>>> UNFAIR

I understand where your comin from, however, an O.G. once stated to me "That its none of my business what other people think of me." I admire your courage to state an obvious truth present on this forum, however, we are here for support and help, not to get the panties droppn hehe (huge exageration by the way.) Stay positive and approach a woman for the hell of it whenever and say Sup? Where ya from? And then absorb the vibe whether negative or positive and give yourself props for taking initiative. Good Job man!!

 

[likeOlikeH]

reminds me of a quote from 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', one of my fav. movies
"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?"
but yeah, this happens to me too, a lot