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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does anyone else have trouble with this? I find it extremely awkward to meet someone's eyes when I'm talking to them. I feel incredibly exposed and vulnerable when I do, so I tend to just look down at my hands anything that is nearby as an excuse.

My mum says it makes it seem like I'm not interested in what people are saying, even when I am very interested. I don't think I'm going to make any friends or anything if people think they bore me, so I've been trying to hold eye contact more it is really difficult and becomes damn near impossible when I am really anxious.
 

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try ask yourself WHY you fear meeting eye contact. is it cos of fear of rejection or a bad experience?RATIONALLY ask yourself have you always been rejected by everyone youve met?write the answers down. also you could try doing little behavoural experiments like making a hierchy of eye contact exercises with 1 being the least anxiety producing. this is what im doing in my therapy like 1. make eye contact with someone on television. 2. make brief eye contact with some one at work or school or on the street. keep practicing till you feel more comforatble doing it. hope this helps
 

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I used to not make eye contact at all.

I still feel more comfortable not making eye contact, but it seems people think I am not interested in what they have to say otherwise. So I make eye contact for a few seconds then look at something else for a few seconds, and etc.

and imo, eye contact has something sexual about it, so that adds a little to the awkwardness for me. :um
 

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Starlight and moonbeams
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My problem is that I either don't make eye contact (seen as creepy), or I make too much eye contact (and weird the other person out.) I'm trying to change this, but it's hard when you're used to doing things a certain way.

I've heard that you should look to the side every 15-30 seconds, and then look back. Or do a triangle: look at their eyes, then their lips, then the side of their face or their nose, then back up at their eyes. And alternate this every 15 seconds.
 

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I don't have a problem with making eye contact. In fact, I have to make eye contact or I can't concentrate on what they're saying. lol Sometimes though if they have nice eyes, I can't concentrate no matter what I do.
 

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I'm like this. I used to make eye contatc too much without realising and when it hit me that I did it too much, I sort of got a phobia of it. Eye contact just intensifies my SA, but I also look wierd when I don't look into people's eyes, and when I am surrounded by people, I have to look in awkward places to avoid eye contact.
 

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I use to be like this when my SA was at it's worse I've worked on it over the years and now it doesn't bother me so much anymore.
 

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This is my main obstacle with people, I can't make eye contact with anyone, not even my parents. On good days I can hold it for a couple of seconds, but you know that saying that the eyes are the window to a person's soul? The thought that someone can look into my eyes and "peer into my soul", for lack of a better way of describing it is mortifying. The only thing that is worse is when people mention it, as they often do.

It's definitely an issue with people looking into my eyes because I would be alright if I wore sunglasses.
 

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Or do a triangle: look at their eyes, then their lips, then the side of their face or their nose, then back up at their eyes.
I don't want to pour cold water on your coping mechanism, but if someone did that to me I'd be more anxious because it would appear that they were examining my face. :um

I heard a suggestion a while ago which said you should try to count the other person's blinks so that you have something to distract you from your negative thoughts. That could still come across as creepy though because you're still staring at them. If you watch interviews on TV, "normal" people rarely stare at the other person continuously - the interviewee tends to look at the other person while they're being asked a question and then their gaze wanders around until they've finished answering.
 

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Good thing to remember is that eye contact is always a good thing, you don't have to look away and can always look the other person in the eyes.
 

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I tend to have trouble myself, due to my furrowed-brow. It's mostly because I tend to find EVERYONE mirroring that same look back at me... so uncomfortable & just flat-out stressful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I tried looking people in the eye from time to time, which I did make some progress with today. The only thing is, I can't really manage it with attractive women. There was a cute girl behind the counter at a store where I bought something and she said hello and smiled at me, so it seemed only polite to look at her and say hello back, but could only really look at her for about a second before I felt really embarassed... The same goes for anyone I find imposing or threatening in anyway (authority figures, mostly).

I suppose I should just start off working with those who are easy to look at and then move onto the tougher instances.
 

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I find it hard to make eye contact if I'm doing the talking. If they're talking it's not as bad. In fact, I probably stare.
 

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I'm conscious about this too. I look into the persons eyes the entire time they talk to me. A teacher was talking to me the other day she commented " i love the way you look at me when i talk to you " :um
 

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I seem to have a hard time looking away and then I get that deer in headlights look. I usually try to have conversations with people standing beside them so I don't need to look at them all the time, but just glance at them every once and awhile.
 

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I seem to have a hard time looking away and then I get that deer in headlights look. I usually try to have conversations with people standing beside them so I don't need to look at them all the time, but just glance at them every once and awhile.
I have a habit of standing to the side of people. I realized it's ineffective because I've noticed it makes other people feel as awkward as me and when I study confident, social people from a distance, I notice they speak straight on to people.

Sometimes I also look away if someone makes eye contact with me. This is a horrible habit. Who's more likely to look away when speaking or being spoken too? The master? Or the slave?
 

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This is my main obstacle with people, I can't make eye contact with anyone, not even my parents. On good days I can hold it for a couple of seconds, but you know that saying that the eyes are the window to a person's soul? The thought that someone can look into my eyes and "peer into my soul", for lack of a better way of describing it is mortifying. The only thing that is worse is when people mention it, as they often do.

It's definitely an issue with people looking into my eyes because I would be alright if I wore sunglasses.
That's my problem, too. It's not that I feel uncomfortable looking into their eyes, it's the thought that they're looking into mine and can somehow see all my failures and insecurities. It's like making eye contact somehow gives them access to all my thoughts, and it terrifies me.
 

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Hey, good thread, I was goona start one, but looks like you already got one going.

I tried looking people in the eye from time to time, which I did make some progress with today. The only thing is, I can't really manage it with attractive women. There was a cute girl behind the counter at a store where I bought something and she said hello and smiled at me, so it seemed only polite to look at her and say hello back, but could only really look at her for about a second before I felt really embarassed... The same goes for anyone I find imposing or threatening in anyway (authority figures, mostly).
I find it tough too. I was doing a group project with this beautiful girl today. Usually I don't do eye contact, I just mess around with papers and stuff, and act all multi-tasky (but this is probably off putting, wrong, and obvious). Thank god the grp project consisted of just the two of us, I wouldn't have been able to think if it were more). I'm going to post a list of all the factors / concerns with giving eye contact.

  • When other people are watching me, I feel nervous and tend to avoid eye contact (so bigger groups suck!).
  • Part of me doesn't like giving eye contact with girls my age because I'm concerned they will realize that I find them attractive. This is partly my fault, because when I look at girls while they're talking to me I can't help but admire said eyes. This makes me feel guilty and in the wrong. I feel especially guilty when my mind starts <details omitted :b>. Don't get me wrong; ordinarily I'll be doing my best to adjust my eyes towards theirs and not pay attention to what's visual, but eventually I let my gaurd down and feel obligated by honor to look away.
  • Now when it's dudes, it's a whole nother story. Do I find dudes attractive? No way, not even remotely. In fact, most dudes gross me out just being near them. However, if I am in a position to give eye contact to a dude, I grow greatly concerned that, even though I'm unatracted to them, they will think I'm giving them hot eyes (or w/e). Therefore, I feel uncomfortable about giving them eye contact as well.
  • Otherwise, giving people eye contact is hard because I'm concerned they will think I'm giving them a glare or some negative facial expression.

Anyway, back to my story with the girl I had a group project with. Thankfully, while going about my routine of "acting too busy for eye contact" I noticed that she was giving me eye contact, and holding it with me; as though she expected me to give her eye contact back. When I noticed this, I actively tried to give her as much eye contact as was socially acceptable.

Forcing that eye contact was the easy part. I didn't feel too dishonorable, even though I thought about wanting her to have my babies some of the time and other times I was just lost in how beautiful her eyes looked to even have a concious thought. I actually checked my usual gentalmanly ambitions at the door and actively desired to do things with her I think I'd be banned for talking about here (exactly! cause it's wildly inapropriate! what am I doing socializing!?!?:roll). I'm going to put it in my journal incase it's theraputic writing it or something.

The hard part was listening to what she was actually saying, and thinking ahead of time what I was going to say next. I just couldn't come up with anything to say with out looking away atleast briefly to think.

Also, my eyes sometimes sting, which makes it hard keeping eye contact. It also makes it hard for me to keep a regular, happy facial expression.

So that's what's on my mind about that stuff.
 

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I've had my issues w/ eye contact as well. Recently I've tried actively using eye contact in the retail environment. When making a purchase or something I'll try to make some fleeting eye contact when saying when saying thank you or whatever. The key is to smile and do it quick. They seem to appreciate this and are a bit nicer to you after that. Well that's my recent adventures w/ eye contact. I think it's a really interesting social cue.
 
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