Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
650 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
From reading people's posts/threads on here i'm pretty sure that many of us SAers must suffer from low self-esteem. I know i do and have done my entire life and it contributes greatly to my SA.

But how many of you who suffer from low self-esteem when it comes to social situations also find it affects other areas of your lives too? Well i certainly do. Whatever i try and do my complete lack of belief in myself always gets in the way. Like at the moment i'm doing a home-study course in web design. I like it so far but every time i get stuck on something i feel like i can't cope and that i'm not smart enough to to learn all this stuff and pass my exams. This feeling can be quite overwhelming and i get really stressed out about it, i've even ended up in tears a few times recently. I constantly put myself down, whether it's out loud or in my head, and often find myself wondering how i'll ever do anything with my life as i am and if it's even possible for me to change.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
270 Posts
I have low self esteem. I feel this stems from having a verbally abusive and harsh mother and not fitting into my grade school, thus I never learned to really love myself. I am chubby and as a girl, I feel this is socially unacceptable. I know it contributes to my SA when I feel like I am some sort of horrid beast that people wouldn't want to be around.

I would like to improve my view of myself, but it's hard to do it alone.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,230 Posts
Yes self esteem is one of my major problems. Like you this effects many things that don't involve socializing at all. I don't have confidence playing competitive computer games, doing schoolwork when I was still in school ect. I also am very underweight for my height and this effects my male ego.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,331 Posts
I have it from growing up with a perfectionist father and a mother who was always yelling at me. It made me feel like I had to be the best at everything or else I fail, and also that no matter what I did I fail anyway. Also felt like I had to work extremely hard to earn love. I forgive them though because they were trying their hardest like everyone is. When I started to understand cause and effect, it was pretty easy to forgive them. Also, there's no way for me to know if anyone else's life is any easier. It may look that way from my point of view, but nobody has been happy every moment of their life.

Also, I think that I was under so much pressure as a kid that it forced me to rebel, which ironically helped with my self-esteem, but made me do some things that ended up giving me some trauma related issues.

It fluctuates a lot depending on my mood swings.
 

·
Your Assumptions
Joined
·
7,027 Posts
I have this too. It seems to run in my family. I used to think it was the underlying issue to my SA (but I later discovered an even deeper one).

Formal study at university was torture for me for this reason. I truly believed I was not intelligent enough; the evidence from my previous school grades suggesting otherwise did not convince me.

Whenever I got stuck on a problem, it would convince me of my lack of intelligence and result in avoidance and procrastination. This would then lower my performance and the professors would assume I was even more unintelligent than I already seemed and let me know it, reinforcing the fears. They even wrote in my references that I did not have much intellect, among other things (one also wrote "pathologically shy"). Gosh, were they surprised when I passed with good grades and went on to do more degrees.

I experience chronic self-doubt. This has many benefits (e.g., always checking my facts before making claims), but leads to more social withdrawal. I am often too sensitive for my own good.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
407 Posts
I have this too. It seems to run in my family. I used to think it was the underlying issue to my SA (but I later discovered an even deeper one).

Formal study at university was torture for me for this reason. I truly believed I was not intelligent enough; the evidence from my previous school grades suggesting otherwise did not convince me.

Whenever I got stuck on a problem, it would convince me of my lack of intelligence and result in avoidance and procrastination. This would then lower my performance and the professors would assume I was even more unintelligent than I already seemed and let me know it, reinforcing the fears. They even wrote in my references that I did not have much intellect, among other things (one also wrote "pathologically shy"). Gosh, were they surprised when I passed with good grades and went on to do more degrees.

I experience chronic self-doubt. This has many benefits (e.g., always checking my facts before making claims), but leads to more social withdrawal. I am often too sensitive for my own good.
Oooh you sound just like me actually...I feel less alone after reading this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
my self esteem is terrible!!!!! I feel logically, i have every reason to be proud of myself...i'm a 4.0 student, got a full scholarship to my first college, got into the "harvard of art schools" but somehow its not enough. i have come to the conclusion that i am a perfectionist...i don't know where this need to be the best, perfect, etc comes from. Despite being chosen for a full scholarship, i felt inferior to the other art students...constantly picking at every single flaw in my artwork that others probably didn't notice.

i was a cheerleader in highschool and did pop warner cheerleading before that and was always considered "pretty" or "attractive." in college as my anxiety peaked, i gained 20-30 pounds...now, i gained weight the absolute best way a woman can...it all went to the bust and bum...but i still feel like a disgusting cow...mind you...i'm 5'2 and about 130 pounds...not so bad my logical mind says...but emotionally i hate myself for my lack of discipline. i know there are better things out there...but at the same time, i have accomplished things and i should be satisfied...

i don't have a job right now...due to my SA...i am TERRIFIED of doing something wrong, or displeasing a manager. i am also starting an apparel design business but am also petrified of making mistakes and getting negative feedback. all i want is to be self sufficient and i feel like a FAILURE for not being so. *hates myself*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
106 Posts
I have NO self esteem. I feel like everything I do is wrong or stupid, because of this I hold back from doing alot of things in life. How do you build self esteem? I refuse to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself "you are beautiful", haha.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
In purely social situations I have ZERO self-esteem, and find it difficult to believe people would even accept my presence. In work though I don't have this trouble, and can put on a good face in professional environments. It's a strange disconnect, and I don't why.
 

·
Still Running
Joined
·
387 Posts
I have it from growing up with a perfectionist father and a mother who was always yelling at me. It made me feel like I had to be the best at everything or else I fail, and also that no matter what I did I fail anyway. Also felt like I had to work extremely hard to earn love. I forgive them though because they were trying their hardest like everyone is. When I started to understand cause and effect, it was pretty easy to forgive them. Also, there's no way for me to know if anyone else's life is any easier. It may look that way from my point of view, but nobody has been happy every moment of their life.

Also, I think that I was under so much pressure as a kid that it forced me to rebel, which ironically helped with my self-esteem, but made me do some things that ended up giving me some trauma related issues.

It fluctuates a lot depending on my mood swings.
This sounds similar to my own experiences as a young adult. My best wishes for your survival in the political society we trudge through today. Self-esteem is in short supply.
 

·
subtastic
Joined
·
7,692 Posts
My self-esteem is very low and it impacts every aspect of my life. If I do poorly, it reinforces the negative feelings I have about myself; if I do well, I feel like I am fooling people into thinking I'm a worthy person. I can't get a good mark at school without thinking that the professor must just have very low standards.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,722 Posts
I experience chronic self-doubt. This has many benefits (e.g., always checking my facts before making claims), but leads to more social withdrawal. I am often too sensitive for my own good.
This sounds like me. My dad was always very self-righteous, and had too much confidence in his own opinions. As a result I am always very unsure of my own opinions, behaviour and the things I say. I definitely have very low self-esteem, and have done for years. Although I've become more confident about my appearance as I've gotten a bit older, I have no confidence around most people.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,722 Posts
In purely social situations I have ZERO self-esteem, and find it difficult to believe people would even accept my presence. In work though I don't have this trouble, and can put on a good face in professional environments. It's a strange disconnect, and I don't why.
I can relate to this. I'm professional at work and can ask collegaues about things that relate to my job, but when it becomes personal, my tone of voice is completely different and I struggle to find things to say.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
You'd be hard pressed to find someone on here who didn't have low self-esteem. I'm a lot better now than I used to be but I still frequently have to fight off the negative thoughts. Sometimes I'll give in and sink into the strangely comfortable self-deprecation. Ultimately though, I have to push them away. Those thoughts are insidious, they work their way into your soul if you don't let them go.
 

·
herp derp
Joined
·
2,347 Posts
Bump this thread.

I can relate to alot of the things people have said on this thread. I have a low self esteem - probably due to a mixture of growing up with narcissists, verbally abusive parents, being taught the idea that you had to be at the top of everything in order to be accepted, being a perfectionist and it doesn't help I'm also a procrastinator as well.

This sounds alot like me:
My self-esteem is very low and it impacts every aspect of my life. If I do poorly, it reinforces the negative feelings I have about myself; if I do well, I feel like I am fooling people into thinking I'm a worthy person. I can't get a good mark at school without thinking that the professor must just have very low standards.
Even if I get a good mark for something, I'll think of everything to justify why I got the grade such as teacher was marking too low etc.
However, occasionally, if it's an "official" mark such as an examiner mark then my self esteem might peep up and/or if I get the highest mark then you may see a glimpse of pride.
 

·
Time Lord
Joined
·
178 Posts
inside of my own head i think I am pretty awesome, fairly smart, talented, etc.
but as soon as i am around other people that goes down the drain
it's like i feel i can't compare to them
I so quickly become stupid and worthless...
I try not to think that way, but...:roll
 

·
Born Of Blotmonað
Joined
·
19,175 Posts
I experience chronic self-doubt. This has many benefits (e.g., always checking my facts before making claims), but leads to more social withdrawal. I am often too sensitive for my own good.
inside of my own head i think I am pretty awesome, fairly smart, talented, etc.
but as soon as i am around other people that goes down the drain
it's like i feel i can't compare to them
I so quickly become stupid and worthless...
I try not to think that way, but...:roll
The above 2 post sum me up well, I often can feel good about myself when alone but it simply does not transfer over to social situations

I can relate to this. I'm professional at work and can ask collegaues about things that relate to my job, but when it becomes personal, my tone of voice is completely different and I struggle to find things to say.
I'm often alright with a sort of focus too, like when discussing work related things on the job but outside of that my self-esteem is very low indeed
 

·
making awesome awesomer
Joined
·
587 Posts
I hate myself because i'm dumb and ugly.
I would like to improve my view of myself, but it's hard to do it alone.
Me too, i am trying really hard to work out and take better care of myself but its hard when there is no one to motivate you and your physical negatives are impossible to hide.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top