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Discussion Starter #1
Hiya,

this issue has always been very pertinent to me, especially in view of my relationships (or lack thereof) with girls.

Personally, I've been stood up twice (i'm still a youngish guy, so many more to come). Once was really bad - it was a valentine's day and I was still marvelling at a girl agreeing to go out with me. It was unprecedented - someone actually interested in me, even if only for a while. Of course, what happens next is i get a call (while i'm on the way to meet her in the evening!) with some really really lame excuse, and eventually I end up eating dinner alone in some dingy restaurant.

Sure it sucked, but seeing that was the closest I've ever got to a date in 21 years of existence, I'd say it was memorable enough.

Any one else ever had an almost-date?
 

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There are only two reasons I would ever stand someone up, or could see a girl standing someone up.

A: I just am not comfortable around her due to my anxiety, or if im doing well, her insecurity. Being on both sides of the anxiety card I can tell you that feeling anxious can be comparable to being around someone who is anxious. SAers avoid situations that make them anxious just like people avoid other people that make them anxious.

B: I am not interested in her and asked her out for other reasons (a bet, to test my confidence, etc.)
 

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I have made plans for a date twice before with the same guy and cancelled (a day in advance one time, and two days in advance another) because we tried talking on the phone but we did not click at all. We would have both had a terrible time on that date.

No one has ever stood me up on a date because I've never asked anyone on one. Ugh I hope when someone I like does ask me out on a date, that they don't stand me up.
 

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I asked a guy out once who was double my age and we got drunk and high and nothing happened but it was kinda fun.
 

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The only reasons I could see myself standing someone up:
-Insecure
-Anxiety
-Didn't know how to say no when asked, so just decided to not show up.

I've never been stood up, but that's because I don't go out.
 

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I was stood up for my prom.....TWICE! A good friend of mine actually had the kindness to ask me and I turned him down to wait out for a "hot guy". Well no one else asked me of course so I ended up asking some guy at the last minute. He kept talkin all this crap about how he had everything ready, but the week before he was MIA. My mother had to actually talk to his godmother who basically told her he was straight up lying/unreliable so to forget about him.

Then in an act of desperation, I ask this other guy who didn't go to my school. He assured me he would be ready. I even told him to only say yes if he was sure, no pressure.....and I wouldn't be hurt. Dammit, I paid for his ticket and limo fare too!!! The day before he was on total bullsh** with excuses up the a**. He said he would meet me up there and he never did. I ended up checking w/the doorman every 15 minutes to see if he came. I looked so pathetic; I was mortified.

In hindsight, I think that was my punishment for turning down a nice guy.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
@ LaRibbon: yeah, i mainly meant getting stood up by someone.

Thanks for sharing guys.

Do you guys feel its better for someone to just outright reject you straightaway, or say yes hesitantly and then later pull out and make tons of excuses?

I really feel the former is better, but then i doubt i'd have that feeling of elation whenever someone accepts (even if I have strong suspicions that they'll pull out). Sometimes the anticipation is better than the actual thing itself. Although then again I wouldn't know because unfortunately i've never managed to successfully get a date. Oh well.
 

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I've never been stood up I was given the wrong number once though, I remember how sad I felt after I called and found out it wasn't the right number.
 

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I've been stood up once. The guy called 15 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up and he sounded drunk. I remember there being a lot of music and loud voices in the background which made me think he must have been at a bar when he called. Jackarse.
 

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I was stood up once, it was weird because she'd pursued me. To be honest I wasn't that cut up about it but I did think it was strange that she'd gone to the effort of asking me out and then not shown. And I've never stood anyone up but I have cancelled a few dates because of anxiety. It sucks, because I then sit at home kicking myself that I could be having a nice time with that person. But then I never really enjoy dating, it just scares me. So now if I go on a date I usually just act like I'm hanging out with a friend and as a result the person thinks I'm not interested. Suuuuucks.
 

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Frivolity aside, I find your experience relatable.

I've had the poor excuse before of, 'Oh, I'm a bit off colour today so I might skip blah blah...'

It really does feel ****ty though because you realise that they are even too gutless to be honest with you, that's gotta be the part that annoys me the most about it. People must think they're so much higher than you to behave in these ways.

Try not to sweat it too much though bro, there is a girl out there for you, it's just a matter of finding her.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Yeah. I just get the feeling, sometimes, y'know, that finding her would be like finding a haystack in a pile of needles. Meh!

Before i find that someone i think i have to successfully get a date first. If no one female would consent to having anything at all to do with me it would be pretty hard to get to know anyone better at all.
 

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There was a guy I dated briefly who wouldn't call when we were supposed to go out, then would call the next day with some lame excuse that he fell asleep doing homework. It happened about 3 or 4 times.
 
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